Velocity--January 2004

January 3 | January 10 | January 17 | January 24 | January 31

January 3, 2004
Thanks to

Funaki Vs. The A-Train
The match starts with Train trying to choke Funaki, but getting a few wristlocks instead. Funaki is thrown to the mat, and rolls to the outside. Train goes out, then back in, only to be met with some kicks and a sleeper hold from Funaki. Train sends Funaki back first into the corner, but gets rolled up for a 2 count after a failed body splash attempt. Train gives Funaki a shoulder tackle, and gives him the Train Wreck for the quick victory. The long rivalry between these two is far from over.
Winner Via Pinfall: The A-Train

The WWE Sting of the night: Rey Mysterio, after fighting of Akio and Sakoda, defeats Tajiri and becomes the New Cruiserweight Champion.

Back from the break, and the situation involving the Guerreros is recapped. It started when during a backstage celebration for Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero said he would consider entering the Royal Rumble. Chavo Guerrero heard this, and was outraged. He said that Eddie was being selfish, and needed to focus on their match against Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. During the match, Eddie wanted to tag in, but Chavo refused. After a while, Eddie gets tagged in, and cleans house. When Eddie prepares to go for a frog splash on Charlie, Chavo tags himself him, saying he wants to do it. Chavo goes for the splash, but Charlie gets his knees up, Shelton hits a vicious superkick to allow Charlie to get the pin. Chavo gets a mic, and blames Eddie for the loss. He says that every night, the fans always chant for Eddie, and He's sick of it. Eddie tries to calm him down, but he gets slapped by his nephew. Just when it looks like Eddie is about to beat the crap out of Chavo, Kurt Angle comes in to split the two up. Backstage, Kurt tries to calm Eddie down, saying that Chavo is his family, and that C?havo was right.

The WWE Rewind: Chris Benoit and John Cena fighting The F.B.I. on Smackdown, and beating them to enter the Royal Rumble.

The Basham Brothers w/Shaniqua Vs. The Maximo Brothers Jose/Joel ( non-title )
Jose starts off with Danny, both trying to get the early control. Danny gives Jose a knee to the gut, and a slam. Danny misses an elbow drop, but Jose ends up giving him one instead, and only gets a 1 count. Joel gets tagged in, but gets sent to the opposite corner, and Doug gets tagged in. Joel hits a headscissors takedown on Doug, and tags in Jose. Jose lands a top rope crossbody, only to get a 2 count. After trapping Doug in a headlock, Jose gets sent to the via the ropes being opened by Danny. Shaniqua kicks Jose, allowing Danny to throw him back into the ring. Doug goes for the cover, but only gets 2. Doug hits a snapmare takedown and a leg drop on Jose for another 2 count. He covers again, and gets 2. Jose gets sent hard into the ropes by Doug, who tags in Danny. After attakcing Jose's gut, Danny distracts the ref, allowing Doug to choke Jose out with the tag rope. A snapmare takedown later, and Danny traps Jose in a headlock. Jose fights his way out by using qa sweet jawbreaker on Danny. Jose kicks Danny off of him, goes to tag in Joel, but is picked up by Danny. Joel punches Danny, allowing Jose to crawl to his corner, and tag out. Joel levels both Bashams with dropkicks/ and gives Danny an Enziguiri for a 2 count. Both Maximo's send Danny into the corner, and attempts some poetry in motion. Danny catches Jose, and slams him onto Joel's back. Shaniqua distracts the ref, while Doug gets back in the ring, and hits Joel with a jumping leg lariat for the victory.
Winners Via Pinfall: The Basham Brothers w/Shaniqua

A recap is shown of Jamie Noble throwing his blind girlfriend Nidia into the ring during his no.1 contenders match with Rey Mysterio. Rey wins the match, but Jamie tells Nidia that Rey was the one that tried to attack her. Rey, speaking in spanish, explains to Nidia that Noble did it, but Nidia doesn't believe it. That was 3 weeks ago.

Back from the break, and footage of Jamie Noble and Nidia from earlier tonight is shown. Jamie tells Nidia that Rey was lying to her 3 weeks ago. Nidia isn't sure what to think. Jamie begins to say that all of the eye surgeries that he paid for might have been for nothing. He thinks that she may never regain her sight. Nidia refuses to think that way, and is confident that she will see again. Jamie asks that Nidia come to rigside with him, but not to get involved in his match. She agrees, and they leave.

Jamie Noble w/Nidia Vs. Brandon Groom
Both men start with a collar elbow tie up, and a roman knuckle lock, with Jamie sweeping Brandon's legs for a nearfall. Brandon reverses a front facelock into an armbar. Jamie chops Brandon, and applies a headlock. Jamie is sent to the ropes, but he comes back with a shoulder tackle on Brandon. Brandon hits a belly to belly-like suplex, and then a sweet dropkick to the face. Brandon works over Jamie's arm, but gets sent face first into the corner by Noble. Jamie stomps on Brandon, goes for a cover, but gets only 2. Jamie kicks Brandon in the back, gives him a hard suplex, goes for another cover, but gets another 2 count. Brandon gets locked in a knee to the back chicken wing manuever, but gets out of it, and lands a back suplex on Jamie. Brandon drops Jamie with a clothesline, but Jamie comes back with a back elbow. Jamie goes for a neckbreaker, but Brandon holds the ropes, sending amie down to the mat. Brandon rolls him up, but gets a 2 count. Jamie goes for a tigerbomb, but Brandon hits a double leg takedown, and bridges over him for a 2 count. Jamie gives Brandon a hard ddt, and rolls it into his variation of the butterfly lock to earn the win.
Winner Via Submission: Jamie Noble w/Nidia

Back from the break, and a video montage recapping the Hardcore Holly/Shannon Moore Vs. A-Train/Matt Morgan Tag match from 3 weeks ago is shown. If Holly lost, he would be fired. If He won, he would get a future shot at Brock Lesnar. Holly Wins the match, and will meet Lesnar for the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble. After the montage, footage form Smackdown is shown. Big Show interrupted Rey's celebration to show off his new merchandise. Rey gets mad, so does Big Show, and they both fight. Show goes for a chokeslam, but Holly comes in and gives Show a dropkick, allowing Rey to hit the 619. Afterwards, Big Show destroys some T.V.'s infront of Paul Heyman, who tells Show he will give him a match against Holly. During their match, Rey came to the ring with a chair, but got it punched into his face by Show. Holly low blows Show, ending the match in a disqualification. Holly grabbed the chair, and beat the crap out of the Big Show, causing him to bleed. The WWE Championship Match for the Royal Rumble is hyped. The theme song for the Royal Rumble will be Puddle of Mudd's " Nothing Left to Loose " from their new album.

A promo for Billy Gunn is shown, saying that He will return at the Royal Rumble

Orlando Jordan & Shannon Moore Vs. Akio & Sakoda
Sakoda and Jordan start things off with both men trying to gain the advantage. Jordan nails a shoulder tackle, and gives Sakoda a nice hip toss. Orlando hits a headlock takedown, gets a 1 count, and tags in Shannon. Moore jumps over the ropes and Sakoda, rolling him up with a sunset flip for a nearfall. Akio is tagged in, but gets sent into a headlock takedown by Shannon. Akio is leveled with a shoulder tackle, but kicks out of Shannon's cover at the 2 count. Shannon is sent to the corner, but he back leapfrogs over Akio, does a backflip, and hits Akio with a
spinning heel kick, gaining a nearfall. Shannon goes for a crossbody from the corner, but lands on Akio's knee. Sakoda is tagged in, and he begins to work over Shannon's chest and back. He puts Shannon in the tree of woe, and distracts the ref, allowing Akio to choke Shannon out. Sakoda goes for the cover, but gets a 2 count. Akio is tagged in, and he locks Shannon in an abdominal stretch. Shannon gets out, but is sent to the corner. Akio does a kick into a backflip off of Shannon's back, but gets hiptossed back first into the turnbuckle by Shannon. Jordan and Sakoda are taged in, and Jordan starts cleaning house by hitting some forearms, dropkicks, and backdrops. He goes for his boxing shuffle, but gets a double team, double kick to the head by Akio and Sakoda. Sakoda goes for the cover, but Shannon breaks it up. Akio sends Shannon to the outside, but he comes back in, sending Akio to the outside with a dropkick. Sakoda whips Shannon into the ropes, but Shannon ducks a clothesline and hits a plancha, to the outside, and onto Akio. Jordan picks Sakoda up, and drops him with a running powerslam for the win.
Winners Via Pinfall: Orlando Jordan/Shannon Moore

January 10, 2004
Thanks to


Billy Kidman vs Sakoda

Solid opener to kick off the show this week as we have one Velocity mainstay taking on a new one, that being Sakoda. A clip from this past week's Smackdown reminds us of Sakoda's involvement in the Mysterio/Akio match, but here tonight, Sakoda is alone. Akio's good, but does he already think he's too big for Velocity?
"Velocity is gonna heat up!" proclaims the always insightful Bill DeMott. I find that comment funny because he got both B-Shows in the same sentence. Think he needed permission from Stevie Night HeAT GM Steven Richards for that? To our match now as we get some go-arounds to start, leading into a nice monkey flip from Kidman off of a hip-toss. Kidman follows it up soon after as he slides through Sakoda's leg to get to the apron, where he slingshots himself back in with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Nice. As a result, Sakoda heads outside for a breather, but Kidman doesn't give him much time. He tries to corral him on the apron, only to have Sakoda gain the advantage instead by suckering Kidman's left arm into the top rope while jumping off the apron. Sakoda heads back in now, as he begins his offense with some SCREAMING clubs to the shoulder. He continues the damage on the left arm by pulling it over the top rope, before settling down with some kicks to the arm. An arm-bar later gives me a rest from writing, as our hosts try to put over Hardcore Holly. Nice try, but there's still not ONE SINGLE PERSON who looks at Sparky Plugg as a legit main-eventer. While we're at it, let's push Rene Dupree as our next random push. Only difference is that Dupree would deserve it more, and I'm only considering is awesome dance. Kidman knees his way out of the arm-bar, but as he goes for the dreaded BURGER KING BOMB, he can't get Sakoda all the way up, due to the punishment his left arm has endured. Excellent selling. Therefore, Sakoda capitalizes by sending Kidman arm-first into the buckle, which gets him a count of two on the pin after. Sakoda goes back to the arm-bar, while I go upstairs to turn my toaster oven off. Well, my Ellio's Pizza was ready. I come back down at the exact moment that I see Sakoda break up the hold. However, as all heels do against Billy Kidman these days, Sakoda makes the mistake of running off the ropes... and right into Kidman's beeeeautiful dropkick. That spot happening in every single Billy Kidman match is getting a little old, but I love his dropkick, so it can stay. As both men get to their feet, Kidman gains the upper hand with some kicks to the mid-section, all while continuing to do an excellent job of selling his left arm pain. Kidman manages a forearm and a clothesline, enabling him to follow-up with his tornado bulldog for a near fall. As Kidman seeks more offense now, however, Sakoda counters an Irish-whip into a single-arm DDT, but only for two again. Sakoda now connects with a second-rope arm-drag that he turns into a fujiwar arm-bar right after. That was a pretty cool move. After applying the hold, Kidman manages to just get his foot on the rope, forcing one-half of Tajiri Security to break up the hold. Sakoda's frustrated as a result, and he even gives the MR. FURLEY EYE BULGE OF DEATH. Oh man, look out. In a very cool spot now, as Sakoda attempts to drag Kidman to the center of the ring by his foot, Kidman does a one-legged kip-up (Can Zach Gowen do that?) and immediately drills Sakoda with his awesome enziquiri. Very, very nice. Sakoda's out cold for the time being, so Kidman brings him over to the corner and heads up top, as Josh declares, "Billy Kidman getting ready to pull the r-trigger on his Game Cube!" That is definitely the best catchphrase right now. Here it doesn't work as much, though, because with Torrie as his wife, why would Kidman bother to even have video games? From the top, Kidman barely hits the Shooting Star Press, but gets the 1-2-3 nonetheless, gaining the victory. Very solid match and good choice for the opener. Kidman's really been getting my attention lately.
Winner: Billy Kidman
DEMOTT'S TURNING POINT~! Our last match leads to THIS week's edition of DeMott's Turning Point. DeMott explains how Kidman getting to the ropes from that fujiwar arm-bar was a turning point, as was Sakoda taking his eyes off Kidman right after, which led to the enziquiri and SSP. Josh: "You gotta love the turning point every week here on Velocity." Who doesn't?
Rewind: This past week on Smackdown, Rey Mysterio saves the "blind" Nidia from a potential Buzzsaw Kick, but then has to endure a right hand to the face from Nidia's boyfriend, Jamie Noble. To echo the words of pretty much every fan, please end this already. The idea of having Nidia go blind was crap from the beginning.
Shannon Moore vs Matt Morgan
And thus, a new Velocity Jobber Squasher was born. Matt Morgan, an early contender for the 2004 Matt Zylbert Velocity Jobber Squasher of the Year Award, is making his second Velocity appearance, with the first one being a few weeks ago when he squashed Funaki. Knowing that his future may be on the Saturday night show, I am now faced with the task of coming up with a catchy name for the Morgan Squash... sounds fine to me. But can it surpass it's earlier predecessors? The Albert Squash? The Bill DeSquash Squash? The O'Haire O'Squash? Man I can't wait to find out!!
To our hopeful squash as I remind myself that Shannon Moore matches are no longer as fan since they got rid of his awesome Mattitude titan tron. At least it's still up at, but if anyone knows where I can find Crash's old Moore-On titan tron, please let me know as I would really appreciate it. To the match now as Shannon delivers a quick kick to the mid-section... and then runs for it. Good strategy. Shannon suckers him back into the ring, but then quickly slides back outside, as Morgan was still entering the ring over the top rope. Do all big guys have to do that? Shannon is able to get ahold of Morgan's leg, but it does no good as Matt brings him up to the apron. The former MFer manages to force Morgan neck-first into the rope, but again, it has no real effect. As a result, Morgan shoves Shannon off the apron and into the fan barricade, and Josh is amazed by this as if it's never happened before. Morgan gorilla press slams Shannon back in through the second rope to begin his offense. He starts with a GAHHHH! headbutt, which is exactly how he screamed. I find that funny. After a hard whip into the corner, Morgan works a boot choke at this point, before administering an ugly modified backbreaker. Morgan now works a modified chinlock, while Josh questions Paul Heyman about putting a blind women in a match. "You know what happens when you question the front office," states DeMott. Yeah, just like in real-life, you get punished for it. I highly doubt Paul Heyman, along with, sadly, about 96% of the wrestling population, is even watching Velocity, so Josh has nothing to worry about. Morgan breaks the hold to execute another backbreaker, and then works a choke. Back on commentary, we learn Josh has a girlfriend, which I'm sure will deeply sadden the three or four women that watch this show. Uh oh, they may have a tough time sleeping at night now, knowing Josh Mathews has a girlfriend! Think she watches Velocity? Does Alice DeMott watch Velocity? Heh, Alice DeMott. That can make me laugh for HOURS. As I try to resist my immaturity of talking about Bill's mom and Josh's girlfriend, Shannon tries fighting back with some shots to the mid-section, but Morgan whacks him with a knee to keep the advantage. He now goes to a bearhug, which Shannon punches out of. After Shannon escapes, Morgan misses a ram in the corner, and Shannon hopes to capitalize, as he attempts a springboard crossbody from the second-rope. Morgan catches him, though, and drops him neck-first over the top rope. Morgan seeks to follow it up with a corner charge, but no one's home as the MFer dodges it. He gets a schoolboy with the tights for two, proving that he indeed still has some Mattributes left in him. Matt would be proud. Shannon follows up with the Halo for another near fall, and this enables Moore to connect with a low dropkick to the face. Damn, I just noticed that Shannon took Morgan off his feet, which really takes the excitement out of a squash. As I say that, Shannon runs right into an unexpected big boot from his opponent, and Morgan calmly lifts him up to deliver the sit-out powerbomb for the victory. It has no name yet, but ten bucks says they call it the "Morgan Bomb" or something. Decent squash, but if Morgan wants to contend the likes of Albert, O'Haire, and DeSquash in squashing jobbers and cruiserweights, he must learn that he CANNOT be knocked down at all. Now, Matthew Morgan, go to your room!
Winner: Matt Morgan
As Velocity returns from break, we are treated to a Chavo/Eddie highlights package, which only mostly breaks down what happened two weeks ago. Josh and Bill then intro highlights from this past week's Smackdown, as first, in the beginning of the show, Kurt Angle temporarily brought Los Guerreros back together. Later that night, Angle got them a Tag Team Title shot against the Basham Brothers, and following a pretty good match, Chavo finally made his long-awaited heel turn in letting Eddie get beat down, and then give him a beating of his own. Shortly after, Eddie weeps at what his nephew had done, while Angle tries to apologize. The majority of columns I've read said that Chavo didn't really deserve this, at the expense of Eddie staying in the mid-card, but as you'll find out in my next 'Outside the Box' column later, I'll try to explain how this was a great move, and that Chavo really does deserve a push like this.
JVC Digital Play of the Night: From Smackdown, Chris Benoit defeats the FBI in a mini-Royal Rumble. I loved seeing this JUST because they played the FBI's awesome music each time they came down. As I said last week, at least one FBI member better be in the Rumble.
Rhyno vs Funaki
For our third bout of the night, we have two more Velocity prisoners battling one another, as Rhyno takes on Funaki. These two fought a month or two ago here on Velocity, with Rhyno picking up the duke. Now it's the re-match!
To our match now as Funaki ducks a tie-up to start, permitting him to get in some right hands that are shortly followed by a second-rope springboard crossbody. Funaki continues his current surge with a pair of arm-drags, with Josh believing, "Shades of Ricky Steamboat." I'm sorry but did I just hear Josh Mathews compare Funaki to Ricky Steamboat? I'm not trying to diss on Funaki or anything because the guy really is talented, and is one of the many mis-used wrestlers in the company today, but come on. I am really surprised Bill "How could you compare Spanky to Shawn Michaels?" DeMott didn't say anything about that. Rhyno takes a breather outside after being dominated through the early goings of this match, and angrily tells the crowd to "shut the hell up." Uh oh, don't tell me somebody brought up his loss to Scotty 2 Hotty again. That can really get a man pissed. Rhyno goes back in and immediately delivers a kick to the mid-section. As he tries to follow-up with a clothesline, though, Funaki ducks and scores with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. Rhyno manages to come back on the proceeding sequence as he holds on to the ropes during an attempted dropkick from Funaki, and the Man-Beast now hopes to capitalize. He starts his newfound offense with a hard Irish-whip into the corner, getting a near fall from referee Brian Hebner on the pin after. Rhyno snapmares Funaki now, leading into a submission hold in which he grasps Funaki inbetween his legs. That's unique. In hoping to get out, Funaki proceeds to chop away, which is very reminiscent of what "Rugged" Ronnie Garvin did to Greg Valentine while in the Figure-Four during their Submission Match at the 1990 Royal Rumble. I have the most random memories to relate to. Funaki manages to get out of the hold, but only before Rhyno clocks him with a shot to the mid-section. A forearm to the back later gets Rhyno a two count, and to follow up... NO, DON'T DO IT RHYNO! DON'T DO IT!... he spits on Funaki. Mann, what a HEEL. Rhyno would pay for that seconds later as after missing a corner charge, Funaki capitalizes with a bulldog, and both men are down. As they get up, each man engages in a pretty long exchange of chops, that Funaki eventually wins. He hits Rhyno with an enziquiri for two, while I note in the background that there is NO ONE at the announce table. I read in the spoilers that Bill and Josh left after like the first match but seriously, what harm would it do if they actually stayed for all four matches? I remember they used to do this all the time where the announcers wouldn't stay for the whole event during the Jakked/Metal days. Funaki seeks to continue with his current offense at this point, but his foe counters an Irish-whip and turns it into a belly-to-belly suplex. Rhyno now sets up for the GORE, and since his opponent isn't Kanyon, he misses on the first try in the corner. Funaki takes advantage with a schoolboy for two, and then hits Rhyno with a boot in the corner. This enables Funaki to attempt a tornado DDT, but Rhyno shoves him away, and scores with the Concrete Crunch (As Josh called it for the first time) spinebuster. With that done, Funaki is ripe for the picking and Rhyno GORE GORE GORES him into next week, picking up the three-count. Decent match, and I also must note that the crowd counted along and cheered as Rhyno won. Hey, Vince, don't blame Rhyno that he's not getting over as a heel. Maybe the crowd actually LIKES him. Ever think of that? It's a shame he's in the doghouse.
Winner: Rhyno
Josh and Bill intro the Hardcore Holly/Big Show Street Fight match from Smackdown, as WWE still believes that Bob "Spark Plug" Holly can get over as a believable main-eventer. You know what they should do? Let my boy Marc Loyd show up on Smackdown and say, "Bob, we've still got some unfinished business from Velocity!" As I pointed out last week, Holly was feuding with Rico and then-Velocity commentator Marc Loyd before he got injured, making this the biggest step up the status ladder in WWE history. Although Sgt. Slaughter does come close, having moved up from a feud with Nikolai Volkoff to Ultimate Warrior, and ultimately, Hulk Hogan in a matter of months. Slaughter won the title from Warrior... at the 1991 Royal Rumble.... and lost it in the WrestleMania VII main event .... oh crap, this better not be the same fate for Holly. I can't even imagine a world where Bob Holly is in a WrestleMania main event, let alone holding the WWE Championship. Luckily it won't happen. Nobody's THAT stupid, but various WWE writers do come close.
WrestleMania Recall: From WrestleMania XI, Lawrence Taylor defeats Bam Bam Bigelow. They show the SAME six or seven moments every year, and it's really ridiculous, considering they obviously have so many more moments, most of which are better than most of the ones they show to begin with.
World's Greatest Tag Team vs Spanky & Paul London
On January 10th, we already have an easy early 2004 Matt Zylbert Velocity Match of the Year Award candidate. Having read the spoilers, I was REALLY looking forward to this match all week with the two most talented tag-teams (Los Guerreros don't count anymore) on the Smackdown roster. What makes this match even better is that there's some INTERNET HATRED stemming between these two, or at least in my imagination. Spanky and Paul London won 2003 Velocity Tag Team of the Year as they dominated in the voting, and having wrestled more times on Velocity in 2003, not to mention that they felt more deserving, the WGTT want some revenge.
"Bill, did you realize that the Royal Rumble match will be longer than Britney Spears' marriage?" wonders Josh. "Who?" Bill responds. Oh that Bill DeSquash, he always has the thought of squashing jobbers and cruiserweights on his mind. To our MAIN EVENT now as Shelton and London start us off, with Benjamin gaining the early advantage after a knee to the mid-section and some kicks. He throws London down on his back by his hair, but loses control from there as Paul gets back up and hits his foe with a dropkick. A crucifix later scores two for London, and is unable to follow-up from there as Shelton counters an Irish-whip with his cool exploder suplex for two. Haas makes a blind tag now, and hits London from behind as he was focuses on Shelton. The WGTT member applies an arm-bar now, only to have London flip, forearm, and arm-drag his way out. He then tags in Spanky, and they both get in some double-teaming as they administer a double-hip-toss, followed by a double-fist-drop. Very Rockers-esque, except they didn't kip back up. Spanky covers for two, and then loses control temporarily as Haas knees him in the gut. Haas now gets him up for a military-press slam, but Spanky counters with a school boy for two. Despite delivering a dropkick, Spanky is unable to get in any more offense as Haas gets ahold of him and sends him outside. On the way back in, Spanky performs a slingshot sunset flip, but Haas had just tagged out right before the move, and Benjamin plants him with a scoop slam as a result. Tag to Haas again, and the World's Greatest Tag Team work a pretty nice modified double-backbreaker. Haas covers for two as London broke it up, and now he goes to the abdominal stretch. Spanky eventually escapes to apply an abdominal stretch of his own, but Shelton tagged in and is able to contain Spanky with a modified camel clutch. London breaks it up and as he has referee Nick Patrick occupied, Charlie Haas sneaks in to apply a submision of his own. Benjamin tags in again soon after, only to end up losing control, however, as Spanky countered an Irish-whip with a boot to the face. He rolls through his opponent and makes the HOT HOT HOT tag to his partner. London comes in and goes bananas on the WGTT with flying forearms, clotheslines, and one of the prettiest moves today, the dropsault. London takes down Benjamin with a hurricanrana for two, and ends up on the apron shortly after. After forcing Benjamin neck-first into the top-rope, London manages to connect with his awesome slingshot springboard moonsault from the second-rope, but only for two as Haas broke it up. With London in the ring alone, the WGTT give him the Broken Arrow (The leapfrog move), but only for two again as Spanky intervened to break up the pin. Shelton ends up on the outside, while London and Spanky attempt to capitalize. They go for a double-clothesline, but Benjamin interferes from the outside as he pulls out Spanky. London runs right into an inverted atomic drop from Haas, who holds him in place for Shelton's wicked superkick. Haas takes care of Spanky, while Shelton makes the cover and gets the pin. Excellent match, just as I expected.
Winners: The World's Greatest Tag Team

January 17, 2004
Thanks to

Ultimo Dragon vs Shannon Moore
As I like to say, there is no better way to kick off a show than the usual signature Velocity Cruiserweight opener. Just so you never forgot, these two have faced each other a few times in the past, with both their matches together holding significance. Ultimo Dragon's Smackdown debut was against... Shannon Moore. Ultimo Dragon's Velocity debut was against... Shannon Moore. And of course, he won both those matches. Would Shannon's luck change here? FEEL the suspense... of THIS week's Velocity opener!
Ultimo's wearing orange tonight, which is new for him. We get some nice crisp basics to start, leading into a stand-off between both men that sadly doesn't get much of a loud reaction. Meanwhile, on commentary, Josh points out how Shannon has a dragon tatoo on his arm, yet he's fighting a dragon here. "What's the point?" asks the hughmorrus Bill DeMott. Oh that Bill DeSquash, what a joker. And didn't Josh and Tazz always used to talk about Shannon's dragon? I believe Tazz once gave it a name but I forgot it. Anyway, the two Cruiserweights go at it again soon after, with Ultimo scoring the first knockdown after a shoulder block. Shannon comes right back, though, with a hip-toss and an arm-drag into an arm-bar. That offense doesn't last long as Ultimo takes down his opponent next with a leg-sweep, allowing him to follow-up with a kick to the back. A running kick to the chest follows, and UD gets a two count. As Ultimo seeks some more offense in the corner now, Shannon counters as he catches him in the corner as he tried to go up-and-over using the ropes, so Shannon drops him stomach-first as a result. The former MFer is back in control now, and after working in some kicks, delivers a back suplex for a pair of two counts. He applies the sit-down bow-and-arrow at thsi point, to which Ultimo escapes. Despite breaking free, Shannon is still able to corral him with a knee to the mid-section and a springboard crossbody out of the corner. "What about me?" yells Shannon after whacking Ultimo with a clothesline. Is that supposed to be heelish? Crowd doesn't know how to react. Shannon gets another near fall, so he performs a red-tail snap suplex. He then goes to the chinlock, while Josh and Bill enlighten us about fish. I bet Bill is desperate to get anything on his mind other than squashing jobbers and Cruiserweights. It's like an addiction that never gets old for jobber squashers like Bill DeSquash. And watching a contest of Cruiserweights is probably making him drool for squashing. Shannon breaks out of the chinlock and connects with a well-executed springboard moonsault, and both men are down. As they get up, Ultimo works in his cool kicking combo, concluded by a spinning heel kick for two. Shannon stays alive as he nails his foe with a kick to the face, but as he attempts a powerbomb, Ultimo counters with a hurricanrana for two. From there, both men exchange some more near falls, and they're both down again right after. Shannon is able to gain the upper hand with a boot in the corner, enabling him to connect with the Mooregasm... for two. Heh, whether it be the Mooregasm or the Halo, none of Shannon's finishers seem to ever get a three count, says I. Following a bodyslam now, Shannon seeks more aerial offense from Coach's favorite spot, the high-risk district, but eats a dropkick in mid-air as he came off. As a result, Shannon is ripe for the picking as Dragon hits the Asai DDT seconds later, and gets the 1-2-3. Solid match, as expected. I still don't see why Vince doesn't like Ultimo Dragon, but then again, Vince is like a 12-year-old. Maybe Ultimo Dragon didn't save him a seat at lunch, or something.
Winner: Ultimo Dragon
Sting of the Night: This past week on Smackdown, Rikishi beats his partner, Scotty 2 Hotty, to gain (Doesn't mean he earned it) a spot in the Royal Rumble. Another year, another loss in the Rumble for Risquashi. What's the point?
2004 Royal Rumble Qualifying Match
Matt Morgan vs Orlando Jordan
Oh my god, a Royal Rumble qualifying match on Velocity!! I must've done something good in the past week to deserve this... but I can't figure out what it is. Suckers. In anycase, this is a SIGNIFICANT match on Velocity that should definitely get at least one mention on Smackdown this week, with obviously, the winner getting into the Rumble. And gee, who do you think will win? Velocity's newest jobber squasher or the alleged face that nobody likes? Let's pray for a Morgan Squash!
Before the match, DeMott hughmorrusly predicts Orlando Jordan will win because his "dropkick is second to none on Velocity." Josh disagrees.... because Morgan's "never lost a match on Velocity." Wow, I'm not sure what joke to use here. To our IMPORTANT Velocity match as Morgan corrals Jordan in the corner to start with shoulder-rams and punches, but is unable to tie-up as Jordan dodges and gets in some punches. He follows with a springboard crossbody from the second rope in which he almost over-jumped Morgan, but took him off his feet. Ugh, there goes any hope of the Morgan Squash tonight. A dropkick proceeds, permitting Jordan to go up to the high-risk district. From the top, he attempts a missile dropkick, but Morgan side-steps it. Now that he's in control, Morgan starts off his offense with a short-arm clothesline, before connecting with the MATTHEW MORGAN, YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW corner charge. Yes, I kind of got most of that line from John Anderson of ESPN, but I'm sure he wont't mind. Morgan slowwwly works over Jordan now by stepping on his head and working a boot choke in the corner. Jordan fights back with some punches and a kick to the face, but runs right into a sidewalk slam on the proceeding sequence... for a pair of two counts. "GAHHH!" yells Matt Morgan. And yes, here it comes!.... the MR FURLEY EYE BULGE OF DEATH! Nobody does it better than Don himself, though. Morgan now resorts to a single-leg Boston Crab, which really makes no sense because he hasn't even focused on the leg or back. Jordan makes it to the ropes nonetheless, and is able to avoid an elbow drop shortly after. OJ capitalizes with a temporary comeback, consisting of punches and Tito Santana's flying jalapeno that again takes Matt off his feet. Well this sucks. Jordan's only real talent is to get squashed, and he can't even do that right. The move gets two, so following some kicks to the leg, Jordan executes a swinging neckbreaker for another two count. Seeking some more offense, Jordan runs off the ropes, and right into a clothesline. Nice on. With that done, Morgan gets him up and plants him with the sit-out powerbomb for the three count, thus winning a spot in the Royal Rumble. Decent enough. It won't happen, but imagine if Matt Morgan won the Royal Rumble. "And if I never won my qualifying match on VELOCITY, this all would've never happened," is what he could say in his victory speech. Let's hope for another qualifier next week.
Josh and Bill intro the Guerrero highlights from Smackdown, as first, we saw Eddie telling Kurt to stay out of his business. Later on, Eddie confronted his brother, Chavo Sr., with Chavo Jr. later coming out... to his MUSIC!! YES, they actually PLAYED his awesome music in the recap, which I'm sure they did just for me. The Jakked/Metal days are back, man! Anyway, as it turned out, the Chavos set up Eddie so in the end, it was nephew/son and brother/father beating up the uncle/brother. Following this, Eddie thanked Kurt in the back because now he officially wants to kick Chavo's ass. For the record, this is Chavo's first ever PPV singles match ever in WWE.
JVC Digital Play of the Night: From Smackdown, Jamie Noble once again uses Nidia to his advantage, as he pulls her in front of a Tajiri plancha. This allowed Noble to capitalize with the Tiger Bomb inside the ring for the victory and number one contendership of the Cruiserweight Title.
Billy Kidman vs Arch Kincaid
Hey, it's Arch Kincaid! Arch hasn't been on Jakked/Metal/Velocity in awhile, with his last appearance being back in early May, when he was squashed by the infamous Risquashi. Here he should have a much better fate against Kidman, who, as I said last week, I've really been digging lately.
To our match now as we get some basics to start, with Kidman gaining the early advantage after a takedown... and getting booed? Guess WWE forgot to edit that out but it's funny that Kidman got booed. Despite receiving a knee, Kidman is able to baseball slide through Arch and take him back down with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors. He is unable to follow-up, however, as Kidman misses with a flying corner charge, and Arch capitalizes with a back suplex. "2.5!" shouts Kincaid. Never looked at it from that perspective. A bodyslam and elbow drop later gets Kincaid a one count, so he Irish-whips Kidman hard into the corner, causing him to a fall. He follows with a snapmare that leads into Velocity's most frequently used hold, the bow-and-arrow submission. I believe that trend was started by Matt Hardy, who started using it the most. Man, I miss him a lot. V-1-AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Kidman gets out of the hold, but as he attempts an Irish-whip, Kincaid counters and scores with a backbreaker for two. Actually, I think he got more of a 2.1367, in my opinion. We'll have to ask referee [St.] Nick Patrick about that. Kincaid presses his boot against the back of Kidman now, before working a modified backbreaker. He follows with a bodyslam and then goes right to the chinlock, to which Kidman elbows out of. Kidman capitalizes with an elbow in the corner, allowing him to perform his tornado bulldog, and both men are down. Meanwhile, back on commentary, Josh states that he hopes Eddie kicks Chavo's ass at the Royal Rumble, and when DeMott asks what if Chavo hears that, Josh comments and laughs that he's probably not even watching Velocity. I find that funny, especially since Chavo is someone who used to be on the show every single week, and is ultimately someone who could wind up being back on the show within the near-future, due to the WWE's incredible ability of mis-using talent. Drifting away from that subject, Kidman seems to be pulling away as he hits a clothesline and a backdrop for two. Arch comes back with a powerslam out of the corner for a near fall, and then repeatedly recites, "Come on, baby!" while waiting for Kidman to get back up. Who is he? Jimmy Hart? Arch misses a clothesline, and after bouncing off the ropes, Kidman clocks him with his beeeeeautiful dropkick. HE has the best dropkick in the business these days. Kincaid's down for the count so Kidman drags him to the corner, where he barely hits [again] the Shooting Star Press to pick up the victory. It's actually scary when Kidman does the SSP because you never know where he's gonna hit you, let alone if he's gonna hit you at all. This match was okay, by the way.
Winner: Billy Kidman
Josh and Bill intro more highlights from Smackdown, this time being the first ever Loser Gets Mouth Washed Out With Soap match, in which Rhyno somehow became a believeable main-eventer again. It's nice to see them try to re-push him but do they seriously believe it's going to be that easy? After jobbing to Scotty 2 Hotty and Bradshaw on Velocity, why should we believe Rhyno had any shot at beating John Cena? And is Rhyno that stupid in thinking that it was the "Stephanie McMahon Administration" that held him down? At least back then, he was on Smackdown every week feuding with Benoit. It's weird that ever since Heyman took over, he's been the Velocity joke. I'm surprised Cena didn't rap about that.
"Man, it'll be tough. Gotta watch the soap, Heyman, and Rhyno fo' shaw.
After all, he lost on Velocity to Scotty 2 Hotty and Bradddshaw!"
Word life.
Josh and Bill also run down through the current Royal Rumble. Nice touch that they already added in Matt Morgan.
Bradshaw vs A-Train
I had a feeling this would be our main-event, even with a great Cruiserweight match and a Royal Rumble qualifier beforehand. This is actually the re-rematch from their exciting feud several weeks back, as we actually get a clip from "eight weeks ago" in their last match when A-Train gave Bradshaw the Derailer on the outside, and later won the match with the awesome bicycle kick. Unfortunately, this won't be an Albert Squash, but it's always seeing good Albert on his real home.
Is that referee Mike Sparks I see in the ring. It sure looks like him. I guess this is his last Velocity match, then. To our main-event now as Albert surprisingly runs over Bradshaw with a shoulder block to start, and they tie-up into the corner right after. As Sparks breaks it up, Albert attacks but misses, so Bradshaw capitalizes with some punches and a club to the back. Albert corrals Bradshaw and attempts the Derailer, but Bradshaw blocks it and scores with the Russian leg-sweep. Hey, Bradshaw's doing some wrestling! A corner clothesline later leads to a swinging neckbreaker for two, as the crowd gets the signature "Shave Your Back" chant going. After a reversed whip, Albert misses a corner charge, and since it's against Bradshaw, that means he'll be going for the Clothesline from Hell. In a wise move, Albert blocks the clothesline by putting both hands up, which somehow hurts the right arm of Bradshaw. Albert now takes advantage as he administers some short-arm shoulder-rams, before sending him outside through the post. I still remember on the final Jakked/Metal episode when Chavo Guerrero did that to Kidman and what good ol' Kevin Kelly said, "Hit hit, boom boom, ow ow." I miss K.K. On the outside, Albert sends his nemesis shoulder-first into the post again before sending him back in, and getting a two count. Albert continues his offense at this point with his cool catapult-neck-into-middle-rope move, and follows up with a shoulder breaker. Albert now seeks the Vader Bomb in the corner, but is unsuccessful as Bradshaw got the boots up. With that done, Bradshaw plants him with a DDT, and both men are down. As they get up, Bradshaw chops and punches away at his rival, before knocking him down with a shoulder block. He then heads up to the top rope (?!).... and connects with a super diving shoulder tackle! I didn't even know Bradshaw knew there were ropes to climb in a wrestling ring. The high-risk move gets a near fall, and Albert tries coming back as he runs at Bradshaw in the corner. First try he receives an elbow, and as he runs at him again, Bradshaw side-steps and hits the Clothesline from Hell for the three-count. Not a bad match, actually, as most of you probably were expecting. I don't like the decision, though. Who does Bradshaw think he is coming on Albert's show and beating him?
Winner: Bradshaw

January 24, 2004
Thanks to

Before we get to the 17th annual Royal Rumble (Can you believe it's been that long?) we must go through Velocity! I always love saying that before a big PPV. Hello all and welcome back to the guilty pleasure. As always, I am your erratic reporter Matt Zylbert, and THIS is the 'five-star' Velocity Report that can easily be mistaken for gold. With another big night of Velocity action set to take place, let's send it down to TONY THE CHIM for our opening contest...

WWE Tag Team Championship
Basham Brothers w/Shaniqua vs Ultimo Dragon & Funaki
Words cannot describe my emotions right now. Can you guess why? It's only the opener... and it's a TITLE MATCH... on Velocity! The Bashams are making their first ever Velocity title defense, despite having been on the show as champs before, most recently a few weeks ago in a victory over Los Maximos, aka the SATs. Ultimo Dragon and Funaki, meanwhile, are getting a long overdue title shot, although I'm not sure what they've done recently to earn it. But what's there to complain about it? This should be good, AND it's for the titles... on Velocity!!

Josh's opening "Welcome to Velocity!" line always gets me pumped up for the show, but a title match to open the event just puts me over the edge. SOMEBODY CALL MY MOMMA... I miss Cat on Velocity. To our title match now as Ultimo Dragon and Danny start us off, and the Basham proves his superior strength by shoving his opponent into the corner, allowing him to taunt. That reminds of what Matt Hardy Version 1.0 used to do on Velocity so he could scream V-1-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That debuted on Velocity, ya know. They tie-up again soon after, and despite some knees and CLUBBY blows from Danny, Ultimo is able to come back with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors to gain the early advantage. He follows up with a kick to the back, before running off the ropes and landing another stiff kick, this one to the chest. UD gets two on the proceeding pin, and tags in Funaki. They work a double reverse knife-edge chop, and the Indeed One follows with a low-dropkick to the face for two. Proceeding some punches, Funaki seeks some more offense in the corner, but is disposed of to the apron by his foe. Danny distracts referee Jimmy Korderes as a result, and Shaniqua interjects herself by pulling Funaki off the apron, and he falls face-first. Danny goes out to bring him back in, where he tags in Doug. Through the art of double-teaming, the Bashams drop Funaki neck-first over the top rope. Doug now delivers some kicks that soon lead to a near fall, and goes back to work right after with a snapmare. He clocks the downed Funaki with some elbows, before going to a modified chinlock, with Shaniqua demanding to "Finish him!" Funny how that sounded a lot like Shao Kahn from Mortal Kombat, or something. Doug breaks the hold so he can tag his partner, and holds Funaki wide-open for a shot to the mid-section, and by "shot", I don't mean shining wizard or any other complicated punch or kick that Jim Ross is yet to learn the name of. Danny continues his team's current dominance with some clubs and punches, before planting Funaki with a hard right-hand. This gets another two count, so Danny goes back to the chinlock. As expected, Funaki elbows out, but is thrown down by his hair. Danny tries to follow up by grabbing Funaki's foot, but you just can't do that. Funaki capitalizes with an enziguiri, and both men are down. Danny tags out first, and as Doug tries to prevent the tag, Funaki kicks him away and makes the HOT HOT HOT tag to Ultimo Dragon. Uh oh, I sense some of Velocity's famous LOW-CARD MAYHEM. Ultimo comes and immediately takes down Doug with his cool kicking combo, before knocking Danny off the apron with a springboard dropkick. Ultimo now traps Doug in a modified pinning predicament for two, and connects with a springboard moonsault shortly after for yet another near fall. Doug attempts to re-gain control as he scores with a kick to the shoulder, but Ultimo retaliates with a spinning heel kick to the mid-section. That's the set-up for the Asai DDT, but when he goes for it, Doug shoves him into the corner. Doug attempts to follow-up, but ends up on the apron. As they continue to tussle, Danny sneaks back in the ring, schoolboys Ultimo from behind, WITH the tights... and gets the three count. Damn, my dream of a title changing hands on Velocity is still just that; a dream. Really solid match, although the ending could have been better, and I'm surprised Funaki didn't get involved in the end there. Nonetheless, a good watchable match.
Winners and STILL WWE Tag Team Champions: Basham Brothers

DeMott's Turning Point~!- Our last match leads us to this week's DEMOTT'S TURNING POINT, which is great because there was no DTP last week and I was really getting worried. This week's DTP is Shaniqua's distraction of referee Jimmy Korderes, which DeSquash even indicates with his ultra-awesome GREEN marker. I love that. Shaniqua's distraction allowed Danny to sneak in uncontested, and Korderes had no clue that it was Doug. How can you not love the Turning Point?


JVC Digital Play of the Night: From Smackdown two weeks ago, Paul Heyman is forced to eat soap at the hands of Chris Benoit and John Cena. Literally. As punishment, he should demote them to Velocity.

Josh and Bill intro highlights from this past week's Smackdown, that being Big Show's conversation with Brock Lesnar telling him to give him some time to himself. Later on, the team of Brock Lesnar, Matt Morgan, and Rhyno, minus Big Show, who was stuck in the locker room, took on John Cena and Chris Benoit, with the latter achieving victory. Heyman watched from a lifeguard chair, and almost got another beating, but was saved by the Big Show. A few questions invade my mind: One, WHY should anyone be scared of Hardcore Holly? Even with all the build-up and such, there is not ONE person who looks at him as anything more than a decent mid-carder. Is this his reward for feuding with Marc Loyd and Rico on Velocity just before he got injured? Two, where was Big Show's neckbrace when he came out? Did his neck magically heel? Three, why are we supposed to believe now that Rhyno is capable of wrestling main-eventers? I hate to bring it up, I really do, but the guy has recently jobbed to Scotty 2 Hotty and Bradshaw on Velocity, and it could take at least several months to get that out of my mind, unfortunately. I just still can't believe this, though: Bodacious Bob freaking Sparky Plugg Hardcore Holly is in a PPV title match.


WrestleMania Recall: At WrestleMania III, Alice DeMott... err, Alice Cooper accompanies Justin Roberts... err, Jake The Snake Roberts for his Intercontinental Title match with Honky... what other Honkies are there? After the match, with some help from Alice, Jake gives The Mouth of the South a little taste of Damien. No wonder Earthquake squashed Damien four years later. See, THAT'S continuity.

Orlando Jordan vs Matt Longtime
I thought I would never say this for a Velocity match, but I just have no interest. To be honest, Orlando Jordan isn't good at all. He's pretty much as average as you can be, and is just a terrible face. When does this guy ever get a reaction? What makes him stand out from everybody else? Why does he have higher position over guys like Kanyon when they deserve it a lot more? As for his opponent, why Longtime? This is his first time on Velocity. Okay, that sucked.

What a surprise? Orlando Jordan gets no reaction. Except for the few fans in the front row who want to slap his hand, but he doesn't even see them. Hey Orlando, if you want to keep the three or four fans you have, you may want to kinda at least interact with them. To our predicted booooring match as we get some basics to start, while I decide to pay attention to some insightful commentary. DeMott makes a smart point as to why Orlando Jordan is even smiling this week, considering he lost his Royal Rumble Qualifying match last week here on Velocity to Matt Morgan... and that his undefeated streak on Velocity ended? Huh? Where the hell did he get the idea that Orlando Jordan was undefeated on Velocity? Maybe if you don't count the four or five losses he's totaled alone just against Albert and Rhyno, then maybe he'll just have a winning record. Oh that Bill DeSquash, if he could only get his mind off squashing jobbers and Cruiserweights. I bet he's thinking, "One year ago, I was in that ring, squashing jobbers like Apollo Kahn and Phil Brown and Cruiserweights like Shannon Moore and Funaki." Seriously, those were some of the best days of Velocity, in my opinion. I miss the DeSquash Squash. Focusing on the match, Longtime has the early control after a shoulder block and headlock, but that doesn't last long as Jordan comes back with his usual early offense, that being a hip-toss and some arm-drags. Back on commentary, Josh and Bill make it three straight weeks of talking about Britney Spears, as DeMott still believes it was the Jason Alexander from Seinfeld that married Britney. I'm empty on Seinfeld jokes right now, so come up with your own. Longtime gets out of an arm-bar and manages an elbow in the corner, enabling him to start his offense on Jordan's left shoulder. He sends his opponent shoulder-first into the corner, before working in some CLUBBY blows to the shoulder that Albert made famous on Velocity. Longtime goes to an arm-bar of his own, but Jordan punches and bodyslams his way out. By the way, Josh, it's Matt Longtime, not Mike. Don't worry, though, you're still WWE's elite play-by-play man. This leads to his predictable comeback offense, that being a back elbow, two dropkicks, and a backdrop. I'll admit he's got a pretty good dropkick, but everything else is to him is nothing special. The Johnson Shuffle follows, and with Longtime ripe for the picking, Jordan gets him up and plants him with the NORMAL SIMPLE POWERSLAM, and that's all she wrote. Seriously, it's a regular powerslam, like what British Bulldog used to do, but it worked for Bulldog because he was strong. Jordan should go back to using Black Ice, which was that modified jawbreaker he used. If Scott Keith were reviewing this match, he might've dipped into the negative stars for this. Yawwwwwn.
Winner: Orlando Jordan


Josh and Bill intro more highlights from Smackdown, this time being Kurt Angle's talk in the back with Eddie Guerrero, followed by their tag-team bout against the Chavo Chavos. Did I just see former Jakked/Metal/Velocity superstar Chavo Guerrero PIN Eddie Guerrero? Wow. Now play his awesome music!


Sting of the Night: Two weeks ago on Smackdown, the World's Greatest Tag Team beat the Bashams to gain entry into the Royal Rumble.

World's Greatest Tag Team vs Rikishi & Scotty 2 Hotty
Not that I'm against the World's Greatest Tag Team being in the main event because it's always great seeing them there, but how is this the main event over a Tag Team Title match? According to Josh, by the way, Rikishi and Scotty are best buds again, as we are reminded of their match from two weeks ago via clip. Hopefully, the result here isn't the same as their match from a few months ago, but having read the spoilers like I always do, I'm not worried.

To our MAIN EVENT now as Haas and Rikishi start us off, while DeMott, being the evil heel that he is, tries to claim that Scotty may seem happy on the outside, but could be mad on the inside. Josh thinks he's trying to start animosity, but it's a valid opinion. Haas and Rikishi tie-up and end up in the corner, where Haas gets in some kicks and punches. Rikishi responds with some punches of his own, including a right hand to knock Shelton Benjamin off the apron, and as 'Kishi whips Haas off the ropes, Shelton pulls him out. In a hilarious spot, Haas completely falls back into the announce table after being pulled out, and almost hits. The look on Charlie's face is just priceless. I actually laughed for a good few minutes or so. And good job by the camera man to NOT get Josh on camera, as chances are he wasn't talking when he was talking. Make sense? In other words, I'm almost sure that his voice-over didn't match what he was saying in the actual scene, let alone if his mouth was even moving at the time. And for some reason now, we go to a....


Wow, that was unexpected. Back from break as we now have Haas and Scotty in the ring. They end up in the corner, where Shelton makes the blind tag, and as Scotty has Charlie backed up against the ropes, Shelton nails him with a kick, and follows up with a snap suplex. Good ol' Fabulous Rougeau-esque teamwork. Benjamin begins the damage on Scotty's left arm, but is unable to continue the offense after an arm-bar as Scotty comes soaring back with a flying clothesline. After an Irish-whip into the corner, Scotty hopes to his signature bulldog, but Shelton ducks and sends his opponent through the middle rope and to the outside. Scotty stays alive though as he scores with a sunset flip from the apron, but Haas made the tag in the process, so he breaks up the pin legally to re-gain the advantage. He lands some kicks to the arm, before going to a sitting arm-bar, while getting some added pressure from his partner from the apron. Referee Brian Hebner is baffled. Benjamin eventually tags back in and administers a shoulder breaker for two. "Sports entertainment is selfish," states DeMott, when talking about the possible teaming of the WGTT in the Royal Rumble. For some wrestlers, DeMott couldn't be more right. I don't even need to name names because it's so blatantly obvious. Benjamin continues the damage on the arm with some knees to that area, before tagging in Haas, who slingshots himself in while landing the boot to Hotty's arm. He tags Benjamin in again seconds later, and he does the same thing. Shelton now starts tauning Rikishi while Scotty is trying to make the tag... and spits in Rikishi's face too! Oh man, what a HEEL. Scotty fights back at this point, but his comeback as thwarted as Benjamin catches him off the ropes and hits about a 1440-degree-spinning sidewalk slam. Tag to Haas again, who goes back to work on the arm, while DeMott believes that Rikishi should leave Scotty to the wolves so he doesn't risk getting injured and hurting his chances in the Rumble. I like that opinion. Scotty finally gets his opportunity on the next sequence here as he flips through a back suplex and makes the HOT HOT HOT tag to Risquashi. 'Kishi comes in and cleans house of both WGTT members with punches and a double clothesline. Man, looks like we've got some more LOW-CARD MAYHEM tonight. Rikishi nails Shelton with a shoulder block to send him outside, permitting him to clean Haas' clock with a savot kick. With that done, Haas is in perfect position for the Worm, so Rikishi stupidly tags out. Scotty comes in and hits the dumbest move in wrestling, the Worm, and covers.... for two as Shelton thankfully broke up the pin. Rikishi intervenes again to knock Shelton out, while Scotty seeks the ten-punch count on Haas in the corner. Before he can finish it off, however, Haas counters with an inverted atomic drop and holds him in place, while Benjamin comes back in to deliver his awesome superkick, allowing Haas to get the 1-2-3. Solid match, with the right team going over. I think it would've been better off as the opener, though.
Winners: World's Greatest Tag Team

January 31, 2004
Thanks to

Ultimo Dragon vs. Shannon Moore

Ultimo and Moore use a lot of reversals not too surprising in this fast paced match. Ultimo hits a spinal tap followed immediately by a sternum tap. Moore slows the pace with a chinlock. Moore hits an enziguri but Ultimo doesn’t fall. Moore runs at Ultimo and Ultimo hits a hurricanrana. Ultimo goes for an asai moonsault, however he doesn’t hit a splash, he hits Moore’s hit with the knee. Ultimo gets the asai DDT for the win.
WINNER: Ultimo Dragon

Mx Unleashed Rewind
Nidia grabbing Noble’s leg at the Royal Rumble

Smackdown Flashback
Jamie Noble vs. Rey Misterio

JVC Tower of Power
Brock Lesnar attacking Goldberg at the Rumble

Akio vs. Funaki
A very nice match Funaki and Akio are very good. Funaki wins when he hits the Spinning Reverse DDT.
WINNER: Funaki

WrestleMania Recall
WrestleMania 3 Hogan versus Andre

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Sakoda
Scotty skins the Cat and follows with Karate Kid taunts, very effective. Sakoda gets the advantage. Sakoda works the leg the whole match. Out of nowhere Scott hits a superkick, setting up for the WORM. Sakoda’s arm is outside the ring, so no pinfall. Sakoda flips Scotty onto his back and uses the ropes for leverage and the pin.
WINNER: Sakoda.