Velocity--August 2002

August 3 | August 10 | August 17 | August 24 | August 31

Velocity
August 3, 2002

Hardcore Holly vs. Albert
-Holly dodges the bicycle kick at the start, but Albert soon takes over with power in the corner. Albert eats boot on the corner charge and avoids the splash as well. Holly fires back with right hands, but Albert lands the bicycle kick and gets two from referee Mike Chioda. Albert clubs Holly to the mat in the corner and works the boot choke as the referee admonishes. Avalanche by Albert. Albert slingshots Holly's throat under the middle rope. 1-2-kickout. Holly fights out of a side headlock but Albert drops him in the corner once again. Holly gets the boots up on the corner splash and scores his textbook dropkick. 1-2-kickout by Albert. Holly escapes the attempted press slam and splits the uprights. Holly to the top for a cross body block, but Albert is out at two. Holly goes for the Alabamaslam, but it's just not happening with someone Albert's size. Albert looks for the Baldo Bomb, but Holly punches his way out of it. Holly goes for the Alabamaslam again...and he hits it! Wow. Referee Chioda drops down and tolls the 1-2-3. Good match. Good win for Holly.
-HERE is YOUR Winner: Hardcore Holly

During the break, Hardcore Holly went over to the announce table and slapped Marc Loyd in the head. Neither Loyd nor Cole has any idea what that was about.

Mike Awesome vs. Faarooq
-Awesome controls in the corner and hammers away with right hands, but Faarooq counters into a back suplex and we go outside. Faarooq smashes Awesome's head into the steps and tosses him back in. Awesome works the drop toe hold over the middle rope and gets two from referee Mike Sparks. Awesome to the top and he scores the diving clothesline. 1-2-kickout by Faarooq. Running clothesline by Awesome finds two before he chokes Faarooq over the middle rope. Awesome take his time working a modified camel clutch. Faarooq counters his way out and they slug it out. Big powerslam by Faarooq, 1-2-kickout. Awesome comes back with a DDT, but he trash talks instead of going for the cover. Faarooq recovers and catches Awesome coming in with a big spinebuster. 1-2-3. Welcome back, Faarooq. Awesome is 0-2 since his return.
-HERE is YOUR Winner: Faarooq

WWE Extreme Blast of the Night: On Smackdown two weeks ago, Brock Lesnar drops Mark Henry and Hollywood Hulk Hogan with the F-5.

Loyd and Cole intro Smackdown highlights of Kurt Angle and Hollywood Hulk Hogan slugging it out to see who will go on to face Brock Lesnar next week.

Billy Kidman vs. Funaki
-A nice series of cruiserweight basics leads to an inverted powerbomb by Kidman and a near fall from referee Brian Hebner. Funaki drives Kidman's left shoulder hard into the post and Billy tumbles to the outside. Funaki goes out and drives Kidman's shoulder into the guardrail and flips him back in. Funaki gets a near fall back on the inside before going to work on the left shoulder with an armwringer. Funaki stomps away and taunts the crowd for some cheap heat. Funaki traps Kidman's left shoulder in an armbar, but Billy fights out. Funaki counters the DDT into an armbreaker. Kidman manages to corral Funaki for his Death Valley neckbreaker and levels his man with a clothesline. 1-2-kickout by Funaki. Funaki gets back into the match with an inziguri and gets a near fall. Tornado DDT by Funaki. 1-2-Kidman just gets the shoulder up. Funaki goes to the top, but Kidman meets him there and brings him back to earth with a supercuranna. 1-2-Funaki just kicks out. Funaki goes for a powerbomb, but Kidman smartly turns it into a face buster. Kidman drags Funaki to the corner and scores the Shooting Star Press for the 1-2-3. Good, well-paced match, Funaki looked great.
-HERE is YOUR Winner: Billy Kidman

WWE Slam of the Week: On RAW, Chris Jericho's arrival ruins Ric Flair's "big announcement."

Loyd and Cole quickly recap the Smackdown signing of Eddie Guerrero and WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Benoit away from RAW.

In the back, The Hurricane talks strategy with Shannon Moore. They have a Velocity re-match with Billy & Chuck later tonight.

Billy & Chuck w/Rico vs. The Hurricane & Shannon Moore
-Hurricane and Billy start with Gunn in control in the corner. Our Hero comes back with a flying head scissors and his new Japanese kick. Billy looks for the inverted powerbomb, but Hurricane turns it into a bulldog for a near fall from referee Jimmy Korderes. All four men then brawl in the ring until Billy and Chuck end up in the "69" position in the corner (don't ask). It settles into Chuck and Hurricane with Palumbo hitting a fallaway slam for two. Billy tags in and hits a nice delayed jackhammer before tagging out. Chuck drops the elbow, 1-2-kickout, 1-2-kickout again. Chuck cinches a sleeper in on Our Hero. The ref checks the arm. Going once...going twice...going thr-No! Hurricane surges back and escapes. Our Hero scores a neckbreaker and both men tag. Moore takes it to both opponents and wipes Billy out with a modified moonsault off the top. 1-2-broken up by Chuck. Hurricane and Shannon oust Chuck from the ring, but Rico pulls Our Hero out and Billy scores the FameASSer on Moore. 1-2-Hurricane JUST makes the save. Our Hero dons his cape and goes to the top. Hurricane wipes Rico out on the floor, but Billy hotshots him when he tries to regain the ring. Meanwhile, Moore puts Billy up top, but Chuck closes in from behind. Moore leaps from the top to Chuck's shoulders and looks for the hurracuranna, but Chuck overpowers him and sets Shannon up for Billy. Gunn comes off the top with a cross body block on Moore off Chuck's shoulders and that's that. Good match with less formula stuff than most low card tag matches.
-HERE are YOUR Winners: Billy & Chuck.

Velocity
August 10, 2002

Chavo Guerrero vs. Tajiri
Tajiri scores a quick kick and then moves outside to counter Chavo's attempted sunset flip. Chavo follows Tajiri out and posts the Buzzsaw's shin. We move back inside where Chavo works on the injured right leg, but Tajiri scores a roll-up and gets two from referee Brian Hebner. Chavo torques Tajiri's right leg over the back of Chavo's head and Tajiri retreats to the corner. Chavo follows him in and is quickly made a victim of the Tarantula. Chavo escapes and goes back to work on the right leg, but Tajiri manages to catch him in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and both men are down. They get to their feet and chop it out. Tajiri manages a fisherman's suplex, but can't hold the leg and Chavo is out at two. Chavo dodges the Tajiri moonsault and gets a near fall after a backbreaker. Tajiri kicks with his injured right leg and tries to go to the top, but Chavo stops him. Chavo looks to go in for the kill, but Tajiri blasts him in the face with the Green Mist. Referee Hebner sees the spray and calls for the bell.
Winner Chavo Guerrero

Rico vs. Funaki
A nice series of basics leads to a Funaki small package for one from referee Jimmy Korderes. Rico suckers Funaki into bowing and clotheslines him down. Funaki surges back with an arm drag and a dropkick and Rico slides to the outside. Rico comes back in and offers the hand of friendship, but Funaki doesn't fall for it the second time and boots Rico in the chest. Rico comes back with a snake eyes and a crescent kick. Rico works some more crisp kicks and a dropkick that sends Funaki down. Rico works a really nice armwringer into a mule kick and gets a near fall. Rico drops some elbows and goes to the top, but Funaki dodges a perfect moonsault by a mile. Funaki scores his bulldog. 1-2-kickout. Funaki with a schoolboy. 1-2-shoulder up. Rico comes back with a nice neckbreaker for a near fall. Rico looks for the powerbomb, but Funaki counters into the backdrop. A tired Funaki tries to follow up, but Rico catches him with a strong standing heel kick and that's it.
Winner Rico

Loyd and Tazz intro Smackdown highlights of the 6-Man Tag Team Match that pit Edge, John Cena & Rey Mysterio against Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero & Kurt Angle.

Mike Awesome vs. Bull Buchanan
A series of power basics leads us to the outside where Awesome takes over and tosses Bull back in. Awesome comes in off the top with a clothesline and gets two from referee Mike Sparks. Bull dodges the corner charge and takes over with stomps. Neckbreaker by Bull. 1-2-kickout. Bull scores his standing rebound off the top and turns it into a clothesline. 1-2-kickout by Awesome. Crowd has no idea who to root for here and is therefore silent. Bull works the rear chinlock and Awesome stupidly slaps the mat so the announcers have to cover it. Bull tosses Awesome to the outside, but Mike manages to slingshot back in with a clothesline. Suplex by Awesome followed by a clothesline. Awesome goes to the top, but Bull dodges the Awesome Splash. Awesome eats boot on the corner charge and Bull flips to the top. Buchanan soars off the top with a huge leg drop and gets the 1-2-3.
Winner Bull Buchanan

Loyd and Tazz intro Smackdown highlights of the main event that pit The Immortal Hollywood Hulk Hogan against The Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar.

Hardcore Holly vs. Albert
Albert clotheslines Holly over the top before referee Mike Chioda can even call for the bell to start the match. Albert beats the tar out of Holly on the outside and tosses him back in to officially start the match. Press into a falcon arrow by Albert. 1-2-kickout by Holly. Albert presses the advantage with a back breaker. Albert drapes Holly over the apron and works him from the outside. Albert regains the ring and slingshots Holly's throat under the middle rope. 1-2-shoulder up by Holly. We move back outside where Hardcore finally gets something going with chops. Holly scores his perfect dropkick back on the inside. 1-2-shoulder up. Chops by Holly in the corner followed by a flying clothesline. 1-2-shoulder up by Albert. Holly goes to the top, but Albert crotches him and goes for the Baldo Bomb. Holly escapes, but Albert levels him with the bicycle kick. 1-2-Holly just kicks out. Albert gets in the ref's face about the count and pushes Chioda, but the official hits the ropes and shoves Albert right back. Albert staggers back into the waiting schoolboy of Holly. 1-2-Albert grabs the bottom rope, but Chioda ignores it-3.
Winner Hardcore Holly

After the bell, Albert chases Chioda out of the ring and then goes out after Holly, but Hardcore whips Albert into the steel steps and Albert retreats.

Holly then goes over to the announce table to rough up Marc Loyd again, but Rico appears from nowhere and superkicks Hardcore out. Rico then offers Loyd a handshake, but slaps him to the ground instead.

Velocity
August 17

Rico vs. Hardcore Holly
You look sooo.... good to me... Heheh, I couldn't resist. Kicking off THIS week's edition of Velocity is actually the only angle that exists on this show. As a result, I really have to question the match placement here. I mean, this would do better off being in the main event, rather than the opener, but as it turned out, it would all mean nothing.

Before we get to the match, we see a clip of some of the stuff that went down last week between these two, as well as my boy Marky Mark. If you don't know what happened, go read last week's 'five-star' report. Now to the match as Rico tries taking his time on the apron, but instead, Holly slingshots him back in, and now starts to nail him with some hard chops. Meanwhile, on commentary, that disgrace of a journalist who's initials are MC begins to make fun of Lloyd. Now wait a minute, Michael Cole does NOT have the right to make fun of ANYONE. I'm surprised Lloyd even takes that. It's in character, but I would never let Michael Cole get away with making fun of me in front of billions.... okay, thousands of viewers each week. Back to the match as Rico retaliates with some chops of his own, but makes the heelish mistake of yelling at the crowd. This allows that jerk Hardcore, who actually started his whole feud with Marky Mark, to take advantage with some punches, followed by his signature kick to the groin area. That, my friends, is gonna do some damage. Holly now hits a clothesline for a near fall, but would fall victim to a spinning kick to the gut soon after, giving Rico control. The Stylist would then continue his offense with a heel kick for a two count of his own, and after some martial arts kicks in the corner, Rico would get yet another two count. Back on commentary, our two hosts talk about Hulk Hogan, and I'm sorry Marky Mark, but you crack me up whenever you say his name. It's like he pronounces it, "Holk Hoagen", but it's so funny. I love you Mark Lloyd, and if it wasn't for you, Velocity would be as unwatchable as RAW or Smackdown. Anyway, Rico continues his current domination with a hip-toss for yet, another two count, and would follow up by heading up top. Unfortunately for him, Holly crotches him, enabling him to execute a superplex just moments later. A pin from Holly gets another near fall, and now we get an exchange of chops. Of course, Holly wins that battle with ease, and nails his adversary with a clothesline. Hardcore would hit his beautiful dropkick at this point, before giving Rico a gasmask. Shades of Pete Gas! Bob keeps up the punishment with a top-rope crossbody for another two count, but would lose the advantage here. Rico blocks a roll-up attempt by hanging on to the ropes, and is able to then connect on a crescent kick. Shades of Jacques Rougeau! The Stylist is now calling for the end with some weird gestures, but instead, misses on his spinning heel kick. Holly ducked it, and that allowed him to perform the Alabama Slam to pick up the win. Not a bad match, but definitely anti-climatic. I mean, these two just fought a clean match with Holly coming out on top three weeks ago, so what was the point of doing it again? I thought Lloyd would somehow get involved, or at least something would happen after the match but nothing did, and I hope this doesn't end everything right here. It's been nice having an exclusive angle on my show, so I'd like to see something useful coming out of it.
Winner: Hardcore Holly

Commercial

Highlights from the Global Warning Tour are shown. Anyone notice how one of the Hogan dress-alikes actually sounded a lot like Lord Alfred Hayes? Heh, I thought he did.

Bull Buchanan vs. Albert
There seems to be no background info heading into this certain one-on-one match-up... oh wait, I just realized. Both of these individuals, including ma' man Albert, were once the Big Bossman's partner. Let's break it down. Bull debuted and became Bossman's partner, in which they shared pretty much no success. Albert's run with the Bossman was pretty useless as well, but he was involved in Bossman's WORLD TITLE feud with the Big Show. FEEL the suspense in this one, boys and girls.

To the match now as both men meet in the center of the ring for a staredown, although the crowd could really care less. I wonder why. Albert would take control at the start, as he is able to perform an atomic drop, which is rare from him, before following up with a gorilla press slam. Bull heads outside for a breather, and I can't believe this, but it looks like he may be playing the heel role here. Huh? Well, we all expect these really dumb mistakes the booking team makes, and unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about it. Anyway, as Bull heads back in, both big men exchange punches, before Albert takes control again and rams his opponent into the corner. However, he would miss his screaming corner squash, and Bull seeks to capitalize. After a neckbreaker, Bull connects with some elbows to the back, before resorting to a rear-chinlock. Already?! Come on. Luckily, it doesn't take long for Albert to punch his way out. Unfortunately for the North American Grizzly though, Bull is able to stay in control, as he hits his pretty nice springboard top-rope clothesline. Buchanan now works a choke using the ropes, and as the Bull tries to follow up with a powerbomb by the ropes, it's countered with a back drop. No, wait. Bull hangs on to the ropes and pulls himself back up, but would run right into a bicycle kick back in the ring. Albert gains the offense, hitting a few clotheslines here, before hitting an ugly hip-toss for two. Albert NOW connects on his "I-Like-To-Scream-Very-Loud-When-I-Squash-People-In-The-Corner" ram, and would then knock down Bull with yet another clothesline. A Vader Bomb attempt on the follow-up would not work though, as Bull gets the knees up. Buchanan would then pull himself up top, and despite Albert stopping him in progress, he is able to knock him off. From there, Bull is able to execute his top-rope leg drop for the victory. Ya know, I'm impatiently awaiting for a match between Bull Buchanan and Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli. From that, we could find out who the true "bull" is, and to make it more of a classic, we could always have Tito Santana, dressed in his El Matador gimmick, to be the special guest referee. Arriba!
Winner: Bull Buchanan

Commercial

Lloyd and Cole intros some of the highlights from Smackdown, starting off with the Angle/Mysterio/Henry interviewer. The part with Angle and Mysterio was funny, but the looks on Marky Mark's face were just priceless. Oh, and then Mark Henry had to ruin it. The Angle/Henry match is then shown, and I have to ask WHY WWE would torture its fans by showing us a Mark Henry match. And I don't get WHY they don't just give up on him already. His selling is horrible, his wrestling is horrible, and just everything about him is horrible. NO ONE likes him, as it becomes obvious that the "cheers" for him are clearly inserted in. That's why he's part of the Smackdown brand. If he appeared on RAW, a live show, he would absolutely get no reaction. Oh yeah, and Michael Cole reached a new level of stupidity during this match. "He really is the World's Strongest Man!" said Cole, after Henry had gave Angle a simple gorilla press slam, and refused to sell the damage to the left leg. God, what an idiot. Thankfully though, the tag match later on Smackdown was also shown, as the Guerreros took on Edge and Rey Mysterio. It makes me happy enough to see Chavo (With all of his 'careesma') on Smackdown once in awhile, but to see him in the SAME ring with Kurt Angle, and actually help him, brings a tear to my eye.

Commercial

JVC Blast of the Night: As Funaki makes his debut as an interviewer, "I'm not a Deacon anymore" Batista throws D-Von through a door, pretty much ending their alliance. I guess he got pissed that even after D-Von was put over Triple H a few months ago, he was unable to make anything of it.

Reverend D-Von vs. John Cena
Nice to have D-Von back on Velocity, but John Cena is another story. I mean, the guy goes from pinning Chris Jericho, not once, not twice, but thrice, to being here on Velocity. And I know it wasn't the booking team's idea, but that's one of the many problems with WWE today. The wrestlers have too much control over storylines, when they shouldn't have any at all. If the bookers could have maintained their control over everybody, the whole Stone Cold thing may not have happened at all, and maybe then he wouldn't have turned into a criminal. Ah, the power of a simple idea.

To the match as D-Von pearl-harbors Cena at the start, but is unable to capitalize as he misses a ram. This allows Cena to come back with a hip-toss, clothesline, and a dropkick, all in that order, for a two count. On commentary, Cole makes the stupid "ruthless aggression" remark about Cena, and I swear, he is really gonna piss off someone to the point where they just feel like hunting him down one day. I mean, it's NOT RUTHLESS AGGRESSION YOU IDIOT! Shut up already! Back to the match as D-Von hits a clothesline, and begins a boring offense that consists of punches, a knee, and a choke. Yawn. Cena tries coming back with some punches of his own, but D-Von thwarts his plan with a reverse elbow, and now works another choke hold. However, Cena wouldn't give up from there, as he is able to connect on a crossbody for a near fall, but would fall victim to a clothesline soon after. D-Von now scoop slams his foe, and now heads up top. Unfortunately for him, Cena corrals him, and tosses him off the top. This gives Cena some offense, enabling him to a hit a flying forearm, followed by another hip toss for two. Cena continues his dominance with a boot in the corner, before hitting a belly-to-belly for another near fall. Now Mr. "I don't want Cole to say I have Ruthless Aggression anymore" begins a 10-punch count in the corner, but takes too much time, and that allows D-Von to counter with a neckbreaker from the second rope for a close two count. The Reverend now starts to take his time, and at this point, Cole starts to point out each man's mistakes. Trust me Cole, you make PLENTY of mistakes, so just worry about yourself, jackass. D-Von would now go for a bodyslam, but Cena is able to counter it with a simple roll-up... for the three-count? After the match, D-Von regains some heat back, as he lays out Cena with that reverse inverted DDT maneuver, prior to hitting the diving headbutt from the top. Oh well, that doesn't make up for the match. There was a weak ending, and I didn't find anything good about it either. In my opinion, Cena is a little overrated, seeing as his repertoire of moves (Flying forearm, crossbody, etc) is basically the same as any other jobber his size. Nothing special about that.
Winner: John Cena

Commercial

Lloyd and Cole show us the Rock/Benoit main event from Smackdown this past week. Great match, and if you saw the looks on Brock Lesnar's face when Rock reached the ropes while in the Crippler Crossface, it almost looked like he was crying.

Commercial

Whack of the Night: From Smackdown, Jamie "THE LETTER K SUCKS!" Noble almost beheads Torrie Wilson with a clothesline, allowing his girlfriend Nidia to get the pinfall. And after that gum-chewing incident, I believe Nidia's idol is "Toilet Drinker" Tommy Dreamer.

Tajiri & Jamie Noble w/Nidia vs. Funaki & Billy Kidman w/Torrie Wilson
It's MAIN EVENT time here this week on Velocity, and a tag-team match full of Cruiserweights will definitely fit the bill. By the way, let me point out that the team of Tajiri and Noble actually came down to Tajiri's music, which may be the first time I've seen a team not coming down to the champ's music.... oh wait a minute, I was thinking about Hogan and Savage.

To our main event now as Noble and Funaki kick this puppy off, and on commentary, Cole starts to insult the heels. He calls them idiots, and goes on record to say Nidia is sick. Ya know, if anyone deserves to be picked on by the wrestlers, it's Cole because he actually insults them! Lloyd never insulted Holly, yet Hardcore turned into a complete jerk, and started to pick on Lloyd. Boy, he's lucky I'm not there, because you folks all know how I got Marky Mark's back. Heh, back to the match as Noble gets in a nee... I mean knee to the mid-section after a series of reversals, and he is able to follow up with a shoulder block and a hip toss. Funaki would come back with an enziguiri though, before tagging out to the Kidman. He rushes in, and executes a flying head scissors take-over on his nemesis, just before issuing a nice dropkick. Kidman would follow up with his fireman's carry neckbreaker for a near fall, but as he would bounce off the ropes soon after, Tajiri nails him with a kick to the back. Funaki now tries to get involved, but only ends providing distraction, and this allows for some double team work. Noble would catch Kidman on a huracanrana attempt, and as his head is by the ground, Tajiri drills him with a dropkick to the face. The heel team would take control from here, as Tajiri is now in, although a tag was never made. Funny how if they were faces, the ref would never allow it. Anyway, Tajiri scores with a scoop slam, followed by his screaming knee drop for a near fall. Tajiri now snapmares his foe, leading right into a chinlock, and that's definitely not a good sign. Kidman would punch his way out, but only before receiving a spinning heel kick for another two count. Tag to Noble, and the two heels perform a cool double dropkick. Noble would then go for the cover, only to receive another two count, and now he goes to the chinlock. Oh come on. Kidman works his way out of it again, but as he bounces off the ropes, Nidia holds his foot. Torrie would do the same to Jamie moments later, but the Cruiserweight Champion is able to stay in control with a back suplex. Tag to Tajiri, who misses the moonsault, and now both men are down. Kidman would make the hot tag to Funaki (!!), and he proceeds to clean house. This match has now turned into, and let me insert my new expression, LOW-CARD MAYHEM, with Funaki gaining the upper hand. Chaos takes place as Kidman and Noble now do battle on the outside, while Tajiri tries to cinch on the TUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHRANTULA, but Funaki counters with a face-first slam for a two count. However, Tajiri comes back with a superkick for another close two count, and as Funaki responds with a northern lights suplex, Torrie and Nidia get into a catfight in the ring. As they roll to the outside, Tajiri has Funaki set up for the Kick of Death, but misses, and Funaki is able to put Tajiri in some kind of pinning predicament... for the win!! OH MY GOD, CALL THE PAPERS, FUNAKI HAS JUST PINNED SOMEONE! Funaki and Kidman celebrate like crazy on the outside, and I can't blame them. What a week for Funaki, as he goes from star-interviewer, to gaining his first pinfall ever on Velocity, in a matter of days. Unbelievable.
Winners: Funaki and Billy Kidman

Velocity
August 24

-First Match: Mark Henry vs. Mike Awesome:
Mike Awesome puts on a headlock. Mark Henry then puts on a bearhug. Mark Henry hits a powerslam and then pins Mike Awesome for a 2 count. Mike Awesome then follows up with a legdrop and gets a pin for another 2 count. Mike Awesome follows up by choking Mark Henry and then hitting him with a top rope clothesline, and pins Mark Henry again for a 2 count. Mark Henry hits a Military Press but Mike Awesome comes back with a top rope splash and pins Mark Henry for a 2 count. Mark Henry then hits a backbody drop and a running powerslam and pins Mike Awesome for the 3 count, as the Mike Awesome Jobbing Tour continues.

-Whack of the Night: Rey Mysterio hitting the 619 on Kurt Angle 2 weeks ago on Smackdown.

-Highlights are shown of Kurt Angle vs. Billy Kidman from Smackdown.

-A video is shown promoting Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio's feud.

-Lugz Boot of the Week: Funaki pinning Tajiri last week on Velocity.

-A video is shown running down the Summerslam matches.

-Second Match: Tajiri vs. Funaki:
Funaki goes up to the announcer's table and tells Lita and Marc Loyd that he is #1. Funaki is the #1 interviewer, maybe? Tajiri starts off with knife edged chops and then Funaki hits a Fireman's Takedown and then puts on a headlock. Funaki then hits a shoulder knockdown and unloads with a chop. Funaki then hits an armdrag and a dropkick. Tajiri comes back with a backick and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Tajiri then hits a kneedrop and pins Funaki for a 2 count. Tajiri then locks a submission on Funaki, and then elbows him in the face. Tajiri then lets out a scream. What a weirdo. Funaki hits a bulldog and pins Tajiri for a 2 count. Funaki then hits an Enziguri and a sit-out powerbomb and pins Tajiri for a 2 count. Tajiri then gets a rollup for a 2 count. Tajiri dropkicks Funaki in the face and then delivers the Legends of the Hidden Temple Kick(made it up), and pins Funaki for the 3 count.

-A video is shown promoting Rock vs. Brock.

-Third Match: Chuck (w/Billy & Rico) vs. Hardcore Holly:
Chuck starts off with the Snake Eyes. Chuck then rams his shoulder into the lower back of Hardcore Holly a couple times. Chuck then hits a suplex and pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. Hardcore Holly then hits an Electric Chair, but Chuck comes back and hits a Back Suplex. Chuck then pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. Chuck delivers a kidney shot and then Hardcore Holly hits some knife edged chops. Chuck then hits the Chuck Deluxe and pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. Chuck then locks on a chinlock and turns it into a headlock. Chuck then hits an elbow on Hardcore Holly. Hardcore Holly then goes on the offense and hits an overhead belly-to-belly suplex and then some chops. Hardcore Holly follows up with a clothesline and a back body drop and a huracanrana. Hardcore Holly pins Chuck for a 2 count. Hardcore Holly then hits a dropkick and pins Chuck for another 2 count. Chuck hits a powerslam and pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. The referee gets distracted and then Billy hits Hardcore Holly with the One and Only and then Chuck pins Hardcore Holly for the 3 count.

-Afterwards Hardcore Holly tries to fight off all 3 men. Randy Orton comes down and helps out Hardcore. Orton then cuts a promo challenging Billy & Chuck to a match, saying the odds are now even. Well, B&C have Rico, so they're not exactly even.

-Main Event: Billy (w/Chuck & Rico) vs. Randy Orton (w/Hardcore Holly):
Well, we have our main event here. Lockup to start. Randy Orton gets an armdrag and a hiptoss. Billy delivers a snapmare, locks on a headlock, that doesn't work, so then he hits a dropkick. Billy pins Randy Orton for a 2 count. I guess that didn't work either. Billy chokes Randy Orton, but then Randy Orton hits a DDT. Randy Orton gets a rollup and pins Billy for a 2 count. Randy Orton then hits a flying bulldog and pins Billy for another 2 count. The referee gets distracted again, and now Hardcore Holly hits an Alabama Slam on Billy and Randy Orton pins him for the 3 count.

Velocity
August 31

-First Match: Chavo Guerrero vs. The Hurricane:
Marc Loyd talks about how surprised he is at the chemistry that The Hurricane & Shannon Moore have as a tag team. Yeah, it's not like they were together for about 2 and a half years in WCW. No, that doesn't have anything to do with it. Chavo Guerrero starts off by throwing The Hurricane's cape out of the ring. What a nice guy. The Hurricane hits an elbow and then steps on Chavo's groin while he's in the Tree of Woe. The Hurricane then botches a Shining Wizard, but still pins Chavo Guerrero for a 2 count. Both men start fighting on the outside, and Chavo clotheslines The Hurricane. Chavo Guerrero then drives The Hurricane's back into the ring apron. Guerrero and Hurricane come back into the ring and Chavo Guerrero delivers a European Uppercut. The Hurricane comes back with a Crosshalo. That doesn't phase Chavo very much, as he continues the punishment with a dropkick. Chavo Guerrero then pins The Hurricane for a 2 count. Chavo Guerrero then chokes The Hurricane on the ropes and then hits him with a back suplex. The Hurricane fights back and hits the Eye of the Hurricane. The Hurricane then hits a clothesline and a backbody drop on Chavo Guerrero. The Hurricane then goes up top and delivers a crossbody and pins Chavo Guerrero for a 2 count. The Hurricane then hits a Floating Neckbreaker and pins Chavo Guerrero for another 2 count. The Hurricane goes for the Vertebreaker, but Chavo Guerrero rolls him up with a handful of tights and pins The Hurricane for the 3 count. ¡Tramposo a ganar!

-The Smackdown Your Vote Campaign is shown in New York City.

-Whack of the Night: Bautista turning on D-Von on Smackdown.

-Second Match: Albert vs. Mark Henry:
Lockup. Mark Henry delivers a Military Press on Albert. That's damn impressive. Mark Henry then hits a suplex and pins Albert for a 1 count. Albert's throat is on the ropes and Mark Henry jumps on him. Both men fight on the outside for a little bit. Albert delivers a lidney shot and a splash inside the ring, and then Albert hits a Vader Bomb. Albert stretches Mark Henry's arms by putting a knee to his back. Albert hits an elbow, but then Mark Henry hits 3 clotheslines. Mark Henry then hits a Side Belly-To-Belly Suplex. Mark Henry pins Albert for the 2 count. Mark Henry then hits a Powerslam and pins Albert for the 3 count.

-A replay is shown of the finish.

-From Smackdown, Matt Hardy is shown hanging up on Stephanie McMahon talking to The Undertaker. Highlights are then shown of Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy.

-WWE Rewind: Rico losing to Rey Mysterio on Smackdown.

-Third Match: Hardcore Holly & Randy Orton vs. Billy & Chuck (w/Rico):
All 4 men start off. Hardcore Holly & Randy Orton stand tall. Hey you know, if you put Randy Orton and Hardcore Holly's initials together, they make ROH², like Ring of Honor. Get it? Bah, of course you don't. Anyway, ROH² hit a Double Elbow. Hardcore Holly then delivers knife edged chops to Chuck. Billy hits the Snake Eyes, and then legally comes in. Billy & Chuck hit a double wishbone legsplitter. Hardcore Holly comes back with some more chops but Billy hits a clothesline and pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. Chuck tags in and hits the Chuck Deluxe. He pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. Billy tags in. Randy Orton gets angry. Chuck gets back in. Chuck applies a chinlock and then delivers a backbreaker and pins Hardcore Holly for a 2 count. Billy comes in. Hardcore Holly hits a dropkick. Chuck and Randy Orton get tagged in. Randy Orton cleans house. Randy Orton hits a powerslam and a flying crossbody. Randy Orton gets a pin for a 2 count. Randy Orton hits the Play of the Week. Rico interferes. Billy hits the One and Only and pins Randy Orton for the 3 count.

-A replay of the finish is shown.

-Highlights are shown of the No. 1 Contender Series.

-Main Event: WWE Cruiserweight title Match: (c) Jamie Noble (w/Nidia) vs. Funaki:
There's a Funaki chant! Jamie Noble delivers a knee to the gut but Funaki dropkicks Jamie Noble in his face. Jamie Noble comes back with a snapmare, two elbow drops, and a neckbreaker. Jamie Noble pins Funaki for a 2 count. Jamie Noble puts Funaki in the Tree of Woe, and yanks his neck backwards. Jamie Noble hits a short arm clothesline. Funaki rolls up Jamie Noble for a 2 count. Jamie Noble hits a pumphandle exploder for a pin and a 2 count. Jamie Noble pins Funaki for another 2 count. Jamie Noble puts on a headlock but Funaki hits a back suplex. Funak then hits an Enziguri and pins Funaki for a 2 count. Funaki then hits a bulldog and pins Jamie Noble for another 2 count. Funaki then pins Jamie Noble again for another 2 count. Funaki goes for a Sunset Flip, but Jamie Noble catches him and drops him for a piledriver. Cool move. Jamie Noble pins Funaki for a 2 count. Funaki then hits a Backbody Drop and a Tornado DDT and pins Jamie Noble for a 2 count. Jamie Noble then hits the Tiger Bomb, but you and I will call it the Trailer Bomb, and pins Funaki for the 3 count.