WCW Nitro

Rochester, New York
September 28, 1998

We see a promo for Hogan/Warrior, including liberal use of Really Tacky ^tm brand smoke.

And we're LIVE from Rochester, NY, for Monday Nitro!

The Nitro Girls get jiggy with it to start the show.

Tony, Tenay, and Zbyszko are in the booth. They talk about BootyDisciple joining the NWD (Dyslexic Warrior Nation) last week.

Voodoo Child comes on. I tell you, this isn't going to help me feel any better. Eric the Airplane comes out, leading The Saggy Orange Ego. Orange is spouting his buzzwords on his way to the ring. Scott Hall and the rest of the nWo is out with him. Brian Adams back in the house. Actually, it's just those four. Bischoff talks about feeling the love. Orange with a sentence that uses all of his little tripe. Hogan says you can never fool a nWo-B&W member. Hogan says that the non-nWo-B&W fans seem to have forgotten who he is. Hogan says he turned WCW into a big-time promotion. Hogan says that all of the fan's heroes would be zeroes without him, because he made the top stars think they were great. I'm getting ill. Hogan says that the fans were as gullible as the wrestlers he's going to beat up. Blah blah blah Warrior. Hogan says he went to the 'hood, and the "brothers" and "sisters" told him to take back over. WTF? Hogan: "They said 'wood, do it for us. Take 'em out for us." I'm sure Hogan's down with the hood. Hogan says that the two biggest whiners are Sting and Bret Hart. Hogan: "If they both want a piece of wood, I'll take them in the ring." I don't make this stuff up. Hogan challenges both men tonight, and uses the phrase "Wood Regieme." Hogan also says "Woodmaster," and says we can call him "Woody." Hall goofs to the camera as Hogan blabbers. I don't feel good . . . I'm really in no mood for this Hogan crap tonight.

Match 1: La Parka vs. Super Calo
YES!!! LA PARKA!!!! La Parka is in some sort of "Mariachi" outfit, complete with chair. This is one of the few things that could make me feel better tonight. His opponent: Super Calo! Fresh from Fairfax, VA. Parka is wearing his normal skeleton outfit under his festive clothes. Parka attacks with his hat (!), and does the Parka Polka. Calo will have none of it, though. Parka with a low blow. Belly-to-belly from the Chairman. Avalanche clothesline from Parka, who wiggles his knees. Parka eats boot trying it again, and does it again. Calo sends Parka into the middle buckle. Parka puts Calo up top, and slaps him. Parka struts, and gets floored. Flying frankensteiner from Calo. Parka charges the corner, and hits the post. Parka's hood is messed up. Calo flies from the top onto Parka on the floor. Parka dropkicks Calo as Calo comes off the top. The Chairman only gets two, though. Parka ties Calo to the Tree of Woe, and hits a spinwheel kick to the prone Glued-On-Sunglasses guy. Parka slams Calo, and pulls his thumb across his throat. Parka goes up top slowly. Calo, of course, gets his feet up when Parka comes off. Calo puts Parka up top, but Parka knocks him to the floor. Calo, though, causes Parka to fall on his knee on the ropes. Calo hits a double-springboard frankensteiner for two. Zbyszko calls Parka "The Largest of the Luchadors." Parka hits a HUGE standing spinebuster on Calo. Tenay: "Don't be fooled by the size of La Parka." Parka goes up top, and hits the corkscrew plancha for the win!!!! Post-match, Calo goes freakin' mideval on Parka with the chair. Calo appears to start mocking Parka's dancing as we fade to commercial.

Mean Gene is out to add to the pain He brings out - the hometown boy, ROADBLOCK~! Just kidding. It's Bret Hart. Hart is wearing a Calgary Hitmen shirt and the US belt. Hart says he has a bad knee, but he's been waiting a lifetime for this. Hart says he and Sting have agreed that Hart will get the first shot at Hogan. Hart says Hogan hid from him, and it's time to settle it. Hart says he can just as great as Ric Flair and Sting, and can be a true hero. He will also kick the living crap out of Hogan. Hart favors his leg as he leaves.

Match 2: Sick Boy vs. Disciple
nWo music brings out BootyDisciple himself. Disciple is wearing an OWN vest, and bugging his eyes out. His opponent, already in the ring, Sick Boy. Sir Sick attacks as Disciple is showing off his vest. Sick Boy suplexes Disciple, who completely no-sells it. Disciple has a minor seizure, and Sick Boy attacks with knees. Sick Boy chokes ZodiacDisciple, but Disciple reverses it to little crowd reaction. Modified Doctor Bomb from Sick Boy, but The Disciple With No Name no-sells it again. Sick Boy with a swinging neckbreaker that DISCIPLE....NO....SELLS. Big Boot from BarberDisciple. Disciple does the Warrior motions. Sick Boy slides out of a Samoan Drop, but gets hit with the Stone Cold Chartbusting Ace Apocalypse. Disciple beats his chest, and shakes the ropes, then mercifully leaves.

Tony promises Hogan/Hart, for the first time EVER, tonight. Tenay says the importance of this match cannot be overstated. OK, how about "Hogan vs. Hart will lead to the cure for gingivitis and jock itch." That may be overstating the importance of it.

We see the Scott Steiner/Buff Bagwell "swerve" on Rick Steiner from Road Wild in August. We also see the "swerve" from Fall Brawl.

Woah! Tonight, Chris Jericho has challenged Goldberg!

This week's Nitro party winner: Some guy from Utah. A bunch of early-adolescent kids on a trampolene. Sounds like a recipe for fun in my book.

The Nitro Girls dance in camoflauge. I'm feeling "fatigued"

Match 3: Lenny Lane and Nick Dinsmore vs. Scott Steiner (w/Buff Bagwell)
nWo music brings out Buff Bagwell and Big Poppa Pump. Uh-oh. Tony says this will be a handicap match. Buff is his normal hilarious self on his way to the ring. Pump gets a mic: Oh Lord, he's going to squash LENNY LANE~! and some other guy. Steiner talks about his physique. It's Nick Dinsmore, and he starts against Steiner. Steiner knocks Lane off the apron, and suplexes Dinsmore. Dinsmore gets dumped outside, and Steiner beats on Lane. Steiner locks Lane to the Tree of Woe, and chokes him. Dinsmore gets posted, as Bagwell chokes Lane. Bagwell puts his top hat on Lane's head. This is NOT making me feel any better. Steiner press-drops Lane. Steiner butterfly-suplexes Dinsmore on top of Lane, and locks on the double Steiner Recliner to complete an undeserved squash. Steiner favors his lower back after the submission. Zbyszko: "You don't hurt yourself having other men submit." Buff calls the trainer down. Trainer Danny Young helps Steiner to the back as we go to commercial.

We're back with Hour Number Two!

The arena goes dark, and some incomprehensible mumblings echo over the loudspeaker It can only mean one thing: El Anibolico Warrior! Said Warrior slowly walks down the ramp with a mic. Warrior walks around the ring for a couple of minutes to kill time, and then requests that the "warriors" speak to him. At least he didn't say, "Yo yo yo, warrior, let me speak on dis!" Warrior says he knows who Hogan is, and he knows who HE is. That's more than I gave him credit for, at least. Warrior has a message for Hogan: Since his return, Hogan has brought nothing before him except something I couldn't follow. A fan tries to rush the ring, but security catches him. Warrior works it into his monologue, saying that the fan was a lost warrior who is disappointed that Hogan hasn't answered his challenge. Warrior says he will become "full blown" at Havoc. I wonder if that has anything to do with Hogan's obsession with his wood earlier tonight.

Mean Gene is down in the aisle He calls out Buff Bagwell. Bagwell makes his way out. Bagwell is out of breath, because he says he just put Scott in the ambulance. Gene express his disbelief. Buff wonders if Gene is calling him a liar. The manical laughter comes over the speakers, and Buff and Gene react. Buff: "Are you laughing at me now?" Buff says Scott has ruptured disks in his back. Gene asks if Scott will be ready for the Havoc match. Buff: "Does it say 'doctor' written across my head?"

Match 4: Psychosis vs. The Cat
Yes! Psychosis!!! I really dig his entrance music. Oh Lord, it's Kitty B. Badd. I really, really, don't need this show in my condition tonight. It's been on permanent "suck control" so far. Why don't they job Benoit to Kitty B. Badd, too, while they're at it. Shit. Kitty gets the mic. Kitty gives Psychosis the five seconds. Kitty hits five, and Psychosis is still there. Psychosis says something in Spanish. Kitty says he's going to whup Psychosis, and hits a standing side kick. This is painful. Kitty chokes Psychosis, and does some karate poses. Psychosis hits a dropkick to the knee, and follows with another one. Psychosis sends Kitty to the floor. Psychosis goes up top, and hits a cross-body to Kitty. Psychosis, of course, sells "hurt" more than Miller. Missile dropkick from Psychosis. He only gets two. Psychosis locks on a headscissors, but Cat gets to the ropes. Psychosis goes for a spinwheel kick, but Kitty catches him and slams him. Psychosis tries a sunset flip, but Kitty sits down and punches on him. Psychosis goes up top after a bodyslam, but Kitty avoids the Guillotine Legdrop. Kitty hits a roundhouse kick, and gets yet another undeserved win. As per usual, Kitty gets on the mic, and says "I am a badd man." I kid you not.

At least on RAW right now I can see a pushed Armstrong.

Mean Gene brings out Alex Wright Wright starts speaking German, and runs down Gene in English. He calls him a "bald old midget." Wright wonders how the Rochesterites feel to grow up in a dirty, stinky city. Wright says he knows another loser - British Bulldog. Well, at least he has a point THERE. Wright wonders why Bulldog didn't come out when he challenged him on Thunder. Wright theorizes that Bulldog is scared. Wright challenges Bulldog again tonight. Wright calls for his music, and techno-dances.

Match 5: Chavo Guerrero Jr. (w/Pepe) vs. Disco Inferno
YES!!! Chavo rules the world! This is a rematch from Thunder. It's also a cruiserweight top-contender match. Disco fever....yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Disco comes out dancing his little heart out. Disco grabs a sign: "Disco Fever Ya Ya Ya Ya" Chavo dances with Pepe. Pepe = Head. Disco opens up with a kick to the gut, but Chavo flips out of a hiptoss. Chavo armdrags Disco down, but gets caught with a side suplex. Disco grabs Pepe..... Chavo begs off, and Disco lets Pepe live. Thesz Press from Chavo, who goes Steve Austin on Disco! Chavo with a slingshot plancha onto Disco. Chavo rides Pepe around in the ring! Chavo reverses an Irish whip, and hits a facebuster. Atomic drop from Chavo, followed by a lariat. Chavo eats elbow charging the corner. Disco with a bodyslam, followed by another one. Disco hops up to the second turnbuckle, dances, and hits a diving forearm for two. Disco kicks Chavo in the corner, and dances. Chavo turns it around with some kicks of his own. Chavo with a charging forearm in the corner, and a SWANK springboard bulldog. Disco jabs Pepe into Chavo's throat, and gets the pin. Juventud comes out, and springboard dropkicks Disco! Juvi headscissors Disco, who hits the floor. Juvi checks on Chavo, but Disco attacks. Disco hits the HUGE Party Crasher on Juvi, who is out in the ring. Disco's piledriver has to be the best going today.

In the ad for the Eddie Murphy movie "Holy Man," Florence Henderson tells Murphy: "I've got two words for you: 'Suck it.'"

We see a Four Horsemen montage again. This would rule a lot more if you could see what was going on during it.

Mean Gene is in the ring, and says we're in the "shank" of another evening Gene calls out the Horsemen. Flair leads the Horsemen out. Benoit doesn't seem to have his elbow braced, which is good news. Gene compliments Double-A on his tire iron swinging skills. Flair: "Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeean.....Gene!" Eric Bischoff, Stevie Ray, and Doug Dillinger come down to the ring. Flair mock-bows to Bischoff. Flair: "Welcome back, God." There are cops behind Bischoff. Bischoff says the Horsemen committed "felonious assault" on Stevie on Thursday. Bischoff says he wants the cops to arrest the Horsemen. Bischoff also wants Doug Dillinger taken away, too. The fans chant: "Asshole" Tony wonders if it would take Norfolk police to lock the Horsemen up. Good point. The Horsemen and Dillinger leave with the cops. Bischoff: "Legally, professionally, and in the eyes of the law...." Bischoff calls Flair a disgrace because he used his ten-year-old's tournament as an excuse to skip work. Bischoff calls Flair a coward who is living vicariously through his son's wrestling tournament. Biscoff mocks a Southern accent, and we go to commercial.

The hilarious ad for Jericho's shirt.

A promo for Goldberg/DDP.

Match 6: WCW World Television Champion Chris Jericho vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Bill Goldberg
Jericho's crack security force brings him out. Jericho has a "Jericho - 1, Goldberg - 0." Jericho says this will be a World TV/Unified Heavyweight title match. Jericho calls Goldberg "Jerky." Tenay talks about the Bischoff lawsuit against Flair. Goldberg's music comes on. Goldberg is 146-0. We see Goldberg (the real one) come out, with the Goldberg midget over his shoulder. Yes!!! Jericho has his back turned. Jericho's mouth opens wide as he sees the real Goldberg. Jericho pushes two of the security guys into a spear!! Goldberg rips the shirts off of the security force. Goldberg jackhammers the Jerichoholic Ninja. Goldberg hollers: "You're next!"

Mean Gene calls out DDP for his usual interview Actually, I could have written "Mean Gene calls out DDP for the same interview." Mean Gene tries topical sports references, and fails horribly. DDP talks about respect and a competitive nature. DDP does his bizzare catchprase. DDP talks about getting jacked. So far tonight, we have "woody," "full blown," and getting "jacked." DDP says that it looks like the Horsemen will be around for a while. DDP says he's going to be "for-real" at Havoc. Bang.

Match 7: Scott Hall (w/Vincent) vs. WCW World Cruiserweight Champion Billy Kidman
nWo music brings out Vincent and Scott "Alco" Hall. Vince is carrying Hall's drink, and refuses to give it to him. Vince says Hall gets the drink if he wins. Hall has his tag belt on. What sounds like Kidman's music comes on, but quickly goes off. Hall gets the mic. He isn't acting as drunk. Hall: "One quick survey question: Is it 'tastes great' or 'less filling'?" The Cruiserweight champ comes out. Just what I needed on top of the rest of the crap tonight: a cruiserweight squash of Kidman. Kidman gets a toothpick to the face, but he mocks Hall. Hall shoves Kidman down. Hall slaps on Kidman in the corner. Hall with a huge biel out of the corner. Hall wants his drink, and Kidman rolls him up for two. Kidman with a dropkick. Kidman with a crucifix into a sunset flip, but Hall gets to the ropes. Hall with a huge clothesline, sending Kidman down. Hall with an avalanche clothesline. Hall locks on an abdominal stretch, and even grabs Kidman's leg up, too. Kidman tries a hiptoss, flips around Hall, but gets caught with a Hall chokeslam. Hall does his frankengoof impression. Hall grabs his drink from Vincent. Kidman flies onto Vincent, then punches the drink out of Hall's hand, sending spray into the first few rows. Kidman with a missile dropkick, and his rope-spring bulldog. Kidman with a flying cross-body for two. Hall reverses a whip, Kidman tries a cross-body, but Hall hits his fallaway slam. Hall tries the Outsider Edge, but Kidman turns it into a faceslam. Kidman gets two from that. Kidman knocks Vincent off the apron, allowing Hall to attack from behind. Hall then hits the Outsider Edge for the win. At least it wasn't a total squash. On a side note, Darksmurf points out that, during this match, there was a sign that said: "Wanna work for WCW? Bend over for Bischoff."

Really bizarre: I switched over to RAW during the commercial, and there was a Austin/McMahon confrontation. Austin was getting hauled off to jail, with McMahon following him. The weird thing was that you could hear Austin and McMahon yelling at each other, but the sound didn't match up to the way their lips were moving. I guess the argument was pre-taped.

We're back with Hour Number Three

Match 8: British Bulldog vs. Alex Wright
The Saggy Bulldog, one half of the Old Age Inlaws, makes his way out. Hell, WCW, let's just job Wright to this no-talent loser to make this night even MORE of a waste. Wright's music comes on, bringing Das Wunderweiner out. Bulldog tells Wright he can dance all he wants. Bulldog says Wright can't even lace Bulldog's son's boots. Bulldog says the fans love the Bulldog. Bulldog tells Wright to "suck it" in German. Bulldog shoves Wright into the corner, but breaks cleanly. Bulldog with a hammerlock, but Wright gets to the ropes. Tony says he's gotten a note that Scott Hall is partying hard in the back. Bulldog ducks an enziguiri, and applies a submission hold I've seen before bud don't know the name. Wright gets out, and turns the tide. Wright kicks on Bulldog in the corner. Wright works Bulldog over on the apron. Wright powerslams Bulldog in the corner, and hits a slingshot splash for two. Wright snap-suplexes Bulldog, and goes up top. Herr Dog catches Wright on top, though, and tosses him. Bulldog mounts the buckles to deliver eight punches, but Wright hotshots Bulldog. Bulldog sets up for the Walking Powerslam, but the ref gets weakly bumped and goes down. Bulldog hits a slightly less-shitty version of the Powerslam, but the ref is out. Charles Robinson comes down as Bulldog helps Silverman up. Wright hits a bridging belly-to-back suplex on the Bulldog, and both refs make a count. Both men have their shoulders down as the refs count one....two.... At this point, both men get their shoulders up, and the refs count three. Charles Robinson signals that Wright won, and Billy Silverman signals that Bulldog won. Mass confusion reigns in the ring. The bell rings again, and Bulldog clotheslines Wright over the top rope. The refs are arguing, as Bulldog makes his opinions known. Apparently, there is no winner. The smart thing to do would be to restart the match.

We see a promo for Kevin Nash, set to the Wolfpac theme.

Match 9: Brian Adams vs. Kevin Nash
nWo music brings out Brian Adams, fresh off his New Japan tour. Commercial. Nash makes his way out. Nash, in case you couldn't guess, informs Rochester, NY, that the Wolfpac is in da house. The two big guys lock up, and Nash gets the early advantage. Nash works Adams over in the corner. Adams gets an elbow up on a Nash corner charge, and hits a clothesline from the second turnbuckle. Adams dropkicks Nash over the top rope. Adams vaults over the ropes, and goes to work on Nash outside. Nash blocks a corner post shot, and introduces Adams to the stairs. Nash hits a big boot. Nash hits a second one. Stevie Ray and Vincent, nWo Black, come out. Nash is setting up for a Jackknife Powerbomb, but Stevie Ray hits him with a "slapjack." Not to be confused with THE Slapjack, which is Stevie's finisher. Scott Hall jogs out, drink in hand. Hall pours his drink out, and starts pounding on Nash. Luger and Konnan run out to clear the ring.

Match 10: Hugh Morrus and Barry Darsow (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Konnan and Lex Luger
Wolfpac music brings out Konnan and Lex Luger, fresh off their run-in in the last match. Their opponents - the bizarre team of Barry Darsow and Hugh Morrus. [INSERT NORMAL KONNAN COLLECTION OF CATCH PHRASES HERE] Hopefully, Darsow will breaking someone's stinkin' arm off. Darsow flexes his saggy pecs at Luger. Luger shoulderblocks Darsow down, and applies an armwringer. Konnan tags in to beat on Darsow. Konnan with a short-arm clothesline. Darsow goes to the eyes. Morrus tags in, and whips Darsow into Konnan. Morrus misses an avalanche. Konnan hits his rolling clothesline on Morrus, and a seated dropkick. Konnan locks on the Sunrise, but Darsow makes the save. Konnan hits a sloppy carpetmuncher on Darsow, and tags in Luger. Luger comes in and immediately racks Darsow, while Konnan hits a carpetmuncher on Morrus. Darsow submits as Konnan locks the Tequila Sunrise on Morrus for good measure.

The Nitro Girls do a little dance.

Match 11: Hollywood Hogan vs. WCW US Heavyweight Champion Bret Hart
Michael Buffer announces the main event. Hogan gets the first entrance, flexing his saggy orange body for all he's worth. Hogan plays his imaginary guitar on the buckles. Hart comes out, limping. I will assume that this is a non-title match. Hogan rips off his do-rag. The two shove each other. Hogan with a side headlock, and shoulderblocks Hart down. Hart takes Hogan down, and applies a hammerlock. Hart with an armlock. Hogan with a takedown into a cross-armbreaker! Sheesh! Hogan with a running lariat on Hart. Hart avoids three elbowdrops, and sends Hogan to the outside. Hart goes to the eyes on the outside, and posts Hogan. Back in the ring, Hogan sends Hart to the outside by the trunks. Hogan drops Hart's injured right knee over the guardrail. Hogan does it again. Hogan wraps Hart's knee around the ringpost. Hogan stomps on the injured knee. Hogan applies a spinning toehold, but Hart gets to the ropes. Hogan shoves the ref, and applies the hold again. Sting hits the ring, breaks the hold, and shoves Hogan away. Hogan and Sting argue, as the Wolfpac assists Hart. I will assume that Hogan will win by DQ? Hart is fighting to get back in the ring. A stretcher comes down to the ring. Hart is begging to get back in the ring. Sting takes his jacket off, and I guess that this will be the second match. Sting unloads with some punches.

Match 12: Hollywood Hogan vs. Sting
Hogan goes to the eyes. Hogan with an avalanche clothesline, followed by a belly-to-back suplex. Hogan yaps to the camera. We see the Wolfpac helping Hart to the back. Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell, dressed as EMTs, attack the Wolfpac. Hart is strapped into the gurney, and can't get up. Steiner unhooks Hart, and asks him if he wants some. Hart limps determinedly back toward the ring. Hogan has been working Sting over as Hart limps toward the ring. Hogan slams Sting, but Sting avoids the LDoD. Sting hits a Stinger Splash. Hart comes to the ring as Sting applies the Scorpion Deathlock. Hart is in the ring applauding Sting, but as Sting turns Hogan over, Hart DDTs him!!! Hart starts pounding on Sting, then hits an atomic headbutt. Hogan bows to Hart as Hart applies the Sharpshooter. Hogan gets a chair, and tosses it to Hart. Hart rams the chair into Sting's left knee. Hart repeats the act. Hart, without his limp, goes for the ringpost figure-four, but can't get it locked. In the ring, Hogan tries to get Sting to admit he quit. Konnan hits the ring, but Hogan and Hart keep him at bay. Luger comes out to get Sting, who can't put weight on his leg. The Wolfpac takes their injured member to the back, as Hart and Hogan celebrate in the ring. WCW is going to set a record for heel/face turns soon.

The arena lights, excepting the ring lights, go dead, as we fade to black and I go to bed.

I apologize, post-report, for the negative tone of this one. But, damnit, I think that WCW somehow saw that I had a fever and sore throat, and just decided to add to my misery as much as they could. The only bone they threw to me was a La Parka win. But we got wins by Disciple over a decent guy, Kitty B. Badd over a SWANK wrestler, Steroid Steiner squashing my favorite jobber in a handicap match, Kidman doing a pointless job, the British Bulldog on my TV, no Horsemen interview, lots of Hogan air time, yet ANOTHER pointless Hart heel turn, etc. It was painful.