WCW Nitro

Miami, Florida
August 31, 1998

"Voodoo Child" comes on to start the show. Yummy. Bischoff flies out like the airplane he is.

We're live in Miamia, Florida.

And, Tony, don't even get me started on the "One Warrior Nation." One Nation, under a whacko, out of breath from running to the ring.....

Bischoff says he has a concealed weapon - his pen. Bischoff says Eddy Guerrero will wrestle tonight, and Warrior won't. Hogan buzzword count: "Where the power lies", "nWo Black-and-White Hollywood", "most powerful force in the business", "bow at my feet", "sole power in the world of wrestling", and "4-life" Apparently, Stevie Ray will be on Hogan's wargames team. Hart will be the other one. Loud "Goldberg" chant. Hogan says that he's going to deal with... Hogan says "Ultimate Warrior", but the censors bleep out "Ultimate"???? Hogan says Goldberg is next in line after Warrior. Way to value the World Title. Hogan says he's sick of the games - the hell with Wargames, he wants to kick Warrior's butt right now. The lights do their little flicker-thing. Warrior comes out to his pyro, and slowly walks to the ring. He does do the rope-shake thing, and has a grand-mal seizure in the ring. nWo Hollywood has surrounded the ring. Hogan says something about crucifying Warrior, adn the lights go out. Warrior: "Speak to me, Warriors" Smoke fills the ring, and Warrior vanishes again. The lights go off again, and we see the bat-signal. What does the Ultimate Warrior have in common with a nun? They won't lay down for anyone.

We now see the normal Nitro opener.

And we're LIVE from Miami, FL, two weeks from WarGames!

Tony actually uses the word "attrition," and uses it semi-correctly. Tony, Tenay, and Zbysko are in the booth. Sign: "La Parka is Mike Tenay" Ha!!

We see Goldberg signing autographs at Pro Player Staduim, and palling around with Marc MacGwire!!!

Match 1: Jim Powers vs. Wrath
Jim "Juice" Powers gets the first entrance of the show. His opponent - Wrath! Wrath's in good shape. I miss the Death Penalty, though. Sign: "Where Is Flair?" Wrath towers above Powers. Wrath with a beatdown in the corner. Powers with some shots, and a kneelift. Wrath ends that, though, with a huge side-suplex. Wrath imitates Fit Finley with some elbows on the ring apron. Quick elbowdrops from the big man. Wrath gets met with an elbow going into the corner, and Powers tries to fight back. Powers mounts the corner to punch, but Wrath pushes him off. Powers tries again, but gets an inverted atomic drop. Powers is holding his knee, but gets leveled with a shoulder. Wrath then hits the Meltdown with authority for the win, as Powers holds his knee. The ref calls for trainers, and Wrath kicks on Powers some more. Powers looks like he may have legit hurt that knee...

The Nitro Girls dance in the announce booth. Tony makes a special greeting to "Whisper". Mean Gene is at the Nitro Party grand prize winner, at Wapakoneta High School in Wapakoneta, OH Gene: "The football players want to see the Nitro Girls."

Match 2: Norman Smiley vs. Scott Norton (w/Vincent)
Norman Smiley, one of the more talented wrestlers who you'll never see win, comes out. nWo music guarantees him another job. Oh Lord, Norton. Smiley's going to get demolished. Norton opens up with headbutts. Norton with chops, and a short-arm clothesline. Norton with a powerslam, but refuses to pin Smiley. Another headbutt. Norton hits the Shoulderbreaker, and pulls Smiley up again. Finally, a jackknife powerbomb for the three. The lights flicker as Norton leaves the ring.

We see a shot of the Warrior from somewhere above the ring. Hey Tony! Look - he's Sting!!!

Tenay is backstage earlier, Lodi comes in, and Saturn is carrying Lodi's luggage Saturn says he's a man of integrity, so he's going to follow through with his promise. Saturn brings up his former Army Ranger training, and says "pain is temporary, but pride is forever." Lodi then calls for his bags, and Saturn follows.

In his "Starburst on the Road" report, Lyin' Lee Marshall refers to Pensacola, FL, as the nation's oldest city. He's full of poop. St. Augustine is the oldest.

Wolfpac music brings out The Lost Faction Luger's got the evil goatee going. No Sting tonight. Time for Catchphrases R Us!!!! Nash turns up the Cheap Heat Machine to talk about Miami. Konnan, in case you haven't guessed, would like to speak on dis. Luger says that Hogan and Hart have challenged Sting and Luger. Luger says Sting is on his way, and they accept the challenge. Nash says the Wolfpac doesn't have a leader. Nash says the Pac drew straws for Wargames: Sting, Luger, and Nash. Nash says DDP has until next Monday to make up his mind: Wolfpac or no. Nash says that next time Piper sticks his nose in Wolfpac business, he'll get dealt with. Nash: "I'm going to have to say this slowly, because you don't speak like the rest of us, Warrior." Nash with a fable about a warrior and four wolves. Nash: "When you get in the cage, if you don't run with the Pac, you're hunted by it."

Tony is in the ring with JJ Dillon Tony talks about Wargames, but Dillon says he's here in an unofficial capacity. Dillon calls Arn Anderson down for a little heart-to-heart!!!!! Woo hoo!!!! Anderson comes down! Chant: "We want Flair" Dillon says when he joined the Executive Committee, he had to divorce himself from the Horsemen. However, he still kept up with the Glory Years of the Horsemen. Arn smiles. Dillon says he found a very old tape, and would like to share it: It's an old interview with AA talking about talent coming into the Mid-Atlantic region! Arn is talking about Dusty Rhodes (his momma must have fed him lots of pie), Ricky Steamboat, and Magnum TA, and himself arriving in the Mid-Atlantic area. According to Bill at DDT Digest, that videotape was one that Arn made himself to get hired! Dillon says that Arn is still the heart and soul of the Horsemen. Dillon says that he was worried that the Horsemen would never ride again. Dillon draws paralells between Mongo/Benoit asking Arn for help with Arn asking Dillon for help 15 years ago. Dillon says he thinks Arn doesn't get it. Benoit (with an elbow brace on) and Mongo come down to the ring. Arn shakes their hands. Benoit and Mongo talk to Arn, as Dillon and Tony wait on the sidelines. Big "We Want Flair" chant. Arn goes to leave, but Dillon stops him. Dillon says he was there for Arn, and says he needs Arn. Arn: "Why are you doing this to me?" Dillon: "I never thought I'd say this to you, but Arn, I think you're afraid of all this." And a chill goes through the crowd. Arn slowly leaves.

And we're back with Hour Number Two!

The announcers talk about Arn's appearance. Zbysko: "Something is very painful to Arn, but I'm not sure what...." Tony says it's painful to know how much power Bischoff wields.

We see Eddy Guerrero's "shoot" from two weeks ago.

Tony says the "coffee" bit is because of an argument between Eddy and Bischoff.

Match 3: Brian Adams (w/Vincent) vs. Eddy Guerrero
nWo music brings out...... Brian Adams, along with TMUMIA. Adams will be Eddy Guerrero's mandated opponent. The lights go out, and we see the Batsignal again, with Warrior in the center. Aldo D. "Quick, to the Bat-Cave Robin! Penguin's at it again!" Eddy comes out, dressed to wrestle. Eddy reclines on the corner. Eddy falls on his back in the middle of the ring, and asks Adams to cover him. Adams doesn't want to do it. The referee starts counting Eddy down. Adams stops the count. Eddy gets on his knees, and asks Adams to slap him. Eddy falls back on his back. Adams goes to punch Eddy, and Eddy just covers up. Adams wants a fight, and throws Eddy into the corner. Adams starts to pound on Eddy, who just covers up and takes it. Adams dares Eddy to hit him, and Eddy doesn't. Adams with a biel by the hair, and Eddy lays down again. Adams steps on Eddy's chest, and there's the three-count. And there's your match. Eddy: "How'd you like that?" Eddy gets the mic: Eddy: "You may have the pen, you may have the power, but I'm not going to give you the opportunity to sue me, like you have others in this company." The mic then goes dead while Eddy is talking, and Tony says "Ok, fans, we'll be right back." And we go to commercial.

Eddy showed more workrate in that match than.....never mind, I'll already hear enough from the Hogan fans....

We look back at Kitty B. Badd's heel turn against Disco on Thunder. My only question to Kitty B. Badd is: What is a "rasslo"?

Match 4: The Cat vs. Riggs
Speak of the Kitty, and he shall appear. Kitty still playing the face. His opponent: Riggs. Riggs starts off with some wrestling. Riggs with a close-in dropkick. Riggs slingshots over the top onto Meowmix. The Cat with a poke to Riggs' good eye, followed by a kind of Superkick. Cat chokes Riggs with his foot. Cat levels Riggs with a kick that Tony describes as a "back-leg front kick." Cat jaws at the fans instead of making a cover. Cat bounces off the ropes with a spinwheel kick, and gets a two count for some boos. Cat does the same move again, and gets the pin. Oh, Lord, he's got the mic again. Cat: "If you people can shut up for a minute, I've got something to say." Cat: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Cat asks us again if we see a rasslo or a karate champion. Cat tells a fat boy to sit down, and tells us he's the real deal, and there's nobody here who can stop him. Nobody cares.

And, to top that, we see the Nitro Girls dance.

We go back to Mean Gene, the rest of the Nitro Girls, and "Ohio" Oh Lord, Duggan is in the crowd. There are a couple of high school football players with sloping foreheads. Kid painted up like Sting: "I'm the stinger, baybee." Gene: "Sure you are."

Match 5: Konnan vs. Marty Janetty
Wolfpac music brings out "Ice Cream" Konnan. Heenan joins the broadcast booth. His opponent: Marty Janetty? Janetty is wearing new tights, and a rainbow jacket. He's got a haircut, too. Some back-and-forth to start, and Konnan quickly hits the Rolling Clothesline. Janetty rolls to the outside. Konnan dropkicks the seated former Rocker. Konnan with a strange headscissors rollup. Janetty blocks a rollup, and hits some Sweet Chin Music of his own! Janetty with a back-elbow for two. I don't know if I'd wrestle with a nosering in, Konnan. Janetty with the Chinlock O' Doom. Janetty with a high standing dropkick. Konnan eats an elbow charging the corner. Janetty plays to the crowd, and gets some boos. Janetty drops a big fist. Konnan tries to fight back, but gets a knee to the gut. Janetty's been all about the chinlock tonight. Janetty hits a clothesline for two. Janetty punches Konnan, and jaws at the ref. Janetty snaps Konnan's head over the top rope. Janetty gets a two-count following another fistdrop. Janetty goes up top, and hits a cross-body for 2 3/4! Janetty with a snap-suplex and another fistdrop for two. Konnan finally kicks Janetty in the gut, and hits the X-Pac facedriver. Konnan then locks on the Tequila Sunrise for the win! That was a good match!

Match 6: Lodi and Saturn vs. High Voltage
The Sound of the Siren brings out the Flock. Lodi leads out Raven, Kanyon, and Saturn! Lodi makes Saturn hold up signs that say "Hey Now" "I'm With Lodi" Lodi wants Saturn to hold the sign higher. Kanyon pretends he's a security officer keeping the crowd away. Raven's got a mic: Raven tells Lodi to tell Saturn that tonight, Saturn can't touch Raven or Kanyon. Lodi does. Raven tells Kanyon to take Saturn apart. Kanyon: "So you got pride and integrety, and we don't?" Kanyon mocks Saturn, and dares Saturn to hit him. Saturn doesn't. Raven: "You've got too much pride, too much integrety. Well, see how much integrety you have with Lodi as your tag team partner." Saturn's not happy. Their opponents: High Voltage. Jobber Twin Powers - activate! Rage is yelling at some fan. Saturn wants to start, but Lodi orders him to the outside. Lodi puts his goggles on. Rage powers Lodi over to his corner. Lodi charges Rage, who knocks him down and flexes. Lodi runs to the corner, and asks for a tag. Rage has his right knee taped. Rage runs over Saturn. Rage press-slams Saturn. Saturn clotheslines Rage, and hits a suplex. Lodi wants the tag now. Rage tags Kaos, and Lodi wants Saturn to tag back in. Kaos hits a gutwrench-powerbomb. Kaos eats boot as he charges the corner, and Saturn opens up. Saturn with kicks in the corner. Rage tags in, catches Saturn, and hits an overhead-release suplex. Good doubleteam legdrop from the Volts. Saturn, though, explodes with suplexes for both men. Kaos, however, floors Saturn with a clothesline. Rage runs Saturn into the corner, and the Volts doubleteam a bit more. The botch a final one, though, allowing Saturn to hit the Spicolli Driver on Rage. Lodi demands to get tagged in, does, and covers Rage for the win. Lodi with the win! Post-match, Lodi demands that Saturn raise his hand in victory. Saturn does.

Tony is back in the ring to start off Hour Number Three He calls out DDP. DDP does his trendy "enter through the crowd" thing. The security officers in front of and behind DDP during the crowd scene looks like a conga line. DDP sends a "shout out" to the Toms River, NJ, little league world champions. DDP is calling Schiavone "T-Bone" DDP draws an analogy between that team and his Wargames team. DDP calls out "Cheap Heat" Roddy Piper. Let's see - what local sports reference will we hear from Piper tonight? Marlins? DDP and Piper hug. Piper gets the mic. Piper refers to Hart as the "Marilyn Manson of wrestling - the wannabe." Piper says he saw Hart in his first big league match. Piper says Hart was a world champion, now he's a world chump. Piper wonders if Hart is stupid for not seeing how Hogan is conning him. Piper says that Hart is still scared. Piper challenges Hart to stand on his own two feet. This brings out Giant, and Giant takes out Page and Piper. Page jumps on Giant's back, but gets tossed off. Giant chokes Page with his foot. Security runs out. Piper gets a headbutt, and security tries to convince Giant to leave. Doug Dillinger cuffs Giant, and takes him out. So, two members of the WCW "dream team" can't take out Giant?

Scott Steiner comes out with his "doctor" - Isaac Yankem. No wait, that's another promotion. The doctor is Cecil "Burnout" Schwartz. Steiner's got the mic: Steiner talks smack about the fans in Miami. Steiner talks about how the ladies want him. Steiner talks about his doctor, and says JJ Dillon is questioning the seriousness of his injury. Steiner says he's going to have a panel of doctors to confirm his injury. Schwartz says he's flown in Dr. Juju Ubange from Jamaica to talk about his injry. Buff Bagwell comes out with dreads, a Jamaican hat, and a witch-doctor staff. Bagwell is talking with a fake Jamaican accent. Bagwell says he'll heal Steiner, if Steiner will concentrate. Bagwell flips some powder of some sort at Steiner. Fans: "Bullshit" Steiner is able to hold his left arm up, and Bagwell pronounced him healed! Buff: "And I'm Buff, and I'm the stuff." Steiner: "Buff, I love the voodoo that you do." Steiner then talks smack to Rick about Fall Brawl. Rick comes up from behind them, and the heels flee. Rick says he's watching Scott, and on the 13th, he will kick his ass. The lights flicker as Scott and Buff go to the back, and we see the Batsignal yet again.

Match 7: Evan Kourageous vs. WCW World Cruiserweight Champion Juventud Guerrera
Juvi comes out with his belt, as Tony congratulates some employees on their new kids. Evan Kourageous is waiting in the ring. Juvi with the early advantage on Kourageous, who starts shoving him. Juvi with a huge slap. Kourageous, though, with a gorilla-press Hotshot. Kourageous with a running back-elbow. Kourageous with some chops in the corner, but gets hit with a springboard dropkick. Kourageous eats boot charging the corner, but he catches Juvi coming out with a powerslam. Kourageous with a clothesline for two. The fans are reacting to something, probably a fight in the stands. Nice high dropkick from Kourageous. Kourageous with a bodyslam, and a kneedrop to the arm. The announcers talk about Kourageous having a bright future. Juvi sends Kourageous out of the ring. Juvi comes off the top onto Kourageous on the floor. Juvi goes back up top, and hits a Psychosis Guillotine Legdrop. Kourageous avoids a Juvi corner charge. Juvi "hurts" his knee, and Kourageous starts to work on it. Kourageous with a flapjack, and applies a leglock. Juvi whips Kourageous into the corner, and starts punching on him. Looks like a blown spot in a pickup. Kourageous with a powerslam, and goes up top. Juvi catches him up top, and goes up with him. A HUGE top-rope frankensteiner from Juvi. Juvi goes up top, but gets crotched himself. Kourageous hits a Frankensteiner of his own! Only gets two, though. Kourageous with a powerslam, but misses a springboard moonsault. Kourageous tries a suplex, but Juvi flips out. Kourageous then tries an inverted suplex, but Juvi gets out, and hits the JuviDriver for the win! Another good match!

Another live shot from Ohio, with a guy with a funny moustache. Oh, he's a gym teacher. That'd explain it. Mmmmmm.......Spice......

Match 8: WCW World Television Champion Chris Jericho vs. Disco Inferno
It's time for Monday Night Jericho! Jericho quotes some Def Leppard, and welcomes us to Monday Night Jericho. Yes!!! Disco!!! Disco's colorful tonight, and looking for his belt back. Jericho with a shoulderblock. Disco with the neckbreaker for two! Disco with a beatdown in the corner, goes to celebrate, and gets met when he comes back. Disco back with a bodyslam, but misses a fistdrop. Jericho with a bodyslam, and his nonchalante cover. Disco gets his knees up on the Lionsault. Disco with an atomic drop, followed by his clothesline. Disco with a modified spinebuster for two. Jericho flips out of a belly-to-back suplex, and hits a German suplex. Disco hits the Chartbuster!!! Disco hits the Chartbuster!!!!!! The announcers call it a jawbreaker, though. Still, it ruled! Disco is stunned himself by the move, and takes a while to cover Disco charges Jericho, but Jericho drops him, and tries the Liontamer! Disco tries to fight out of it....he's almost to the ropes.... No! Jericho drags him back to the middle of the ring, and sits down with the hold to get the win. Another good match! Eat that, Ed Leslie!

Match 9: Al Green vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Goldberg
Kevin Nash kicks Tenay out of the booth Nash is out to do some color for the Goldberg squash. Nash says he's not afraid to fight Goldberg. We see the big, bad Goldberg get his 10-men police escort to the ring. Nash says Goldberg's opponent tonight was Nash's original tag team partner in WCW. Goldberg is 139-0. This week's victim: Some Scott Norton looking guy. I think they call him Al Green. Green tries to choke Goldberg in the corner, gets thrown, and gets a thrust kick. A HUGE backdrop from the champ. Goldberg with his over-the-shoulder powerslam. Green slides out of the ring to avoid the spear. Green posts Goldberg on the outside, but Goldberg doesn't even move. Goldberg gets met coming back in the ring. Green locks on a sleeper, but Goldberg flips him out of it. Spear. Jackhammer. Splat. Win.

We see an ad for (I kid you not) "Songs 4 Life," an album of Christian music What is that, the nWo Christian Album?

Match 10: Bret Hart and Hollywood Hogan (w/Disciple) vs. Sting and Lex Luger
Michael Buffer is out for our main event. Talk about being over because of your catchphrase..... Tony informs us that this'll be a tag team match like we've never seen before. nWo music comes on. Hogan comes out first, followed by the US champ and the World Chump (Disciple) Commercial. Wolfpac music brings out..... Sting and Luger! Sting and Luger goof on their way to the ring. Hart doesn't look happy. Luger and Hart start off. Luger runs Hart over with a shoulderblock. Hart with a knee, and starts kicking Luger down in the corner. Luger sells like he's in labor. Luger turns the tides, beats Hart down, and flexes at Hogan. Sting tags in, and Hart runs over to tag a surprised Hogan. Hart doesn't look at Hogan or Sting. Hogan finally gets in the ring. Hogan starts off strong on Sting. Tony tries to tell us that Hogan is one of the hardest hitters in our sport. Sting ducks a clothesline, and starts to fight back. Sting mounts the corner, exposes Hogan's bald head, and beats on him. Hogan tries to tag Luger, and gets hit. Luger tags in on Hogan. Hogan regains the advantage. Hogan wants Luger to tell us who the man is. Lex! Say the right answer! Hat tags in to choke Luger, who reacts like he's passing a new Volkswagen through his urinary tract. Hart yells at Luger to get up. Hart hits his Russian Legsweep for two. Hogan and Hart switch without a tag. Luger gets beat on, and the heels switch again. Hart with an atomic headbutt. Hart with his side-backbreaker. Hart drops a leg. Luger blocks a suplex, and hits one of his own. Hart is first to his feet. Hart beats on Luger a bit more. The two men clothesline each other, and both are down. Hogan tags in, as does Sting. Sting a house-a-fire, and hits a Stinger Splash. Disciple pushes Hogan away from another Stinger Splash. Hart is down on the floor, instead of in Hogan's corner. Hogan uses his Geriatric Support Belt. Hart pulls the belt away from Hogan!!! Hart then walks out?!?!?! Hogan follows him, and wants to know what's up wit dat? Hogan is counted out! Hart tells Hogan that Hogan gave him his word. The Wolfpac gets the win. Hart goes back in the ring, and he and Hogan face off. They shove, and Disciple keeps them apart. nWo Hollywood comes out to keep order. Hogan threatens Hart with "nWo rules. The ring fills with smoke, the lights go out, and when we return, Warrior is in the ring, surrounded by an unconcious nWo Hollywood. Hogan is the only one awake. Warrior: "You can get up - we can smell your fear" Hogan runs to the back, as Warrior beats his chest. And that's the show!