WCW Monday Nitro

San Antonio, Texas
July 27, 1998

We see a very scary retrospective of nWo Nightcap, Bagwell's attack on Rick Steiner, Hall/Nash/nWo Hollywood/Wolfpac, Bret Hart and Sting, Bret Hart and DDP. Basically last week's show. Scott Hudson does a voiceover talking about Hogan's assualt on WCW last week, and wonders how WCW will respond.

And we're live from the Alamo Dome in San Antonio, TX, for WCW Monday Nitro!

Tonight, DDP is back, and he wants Hogan.

Larry: "Texas is the only place in the world where when you turn on the AC, it gets hotter." Am I the only person in America who caught the double entendré?

The Nitro Girls show off their Texas Two-Steps.

Tony, Tenay, and Zbysko are in the booth Zbysko takes his bows. Tony says, in one of the biggest interviews in the history of our sport, Mean Gene will interview Goldberg. Goldberg will also take on Brian Adams.

nWo Hollywood comes out, sans Mr. Wood himself. Hall and Giant are proud of their belts. More "Leno" talk from the announcers. Hall: "Hey Yo" Hall says we have to admit that Monday Nitro in the AlamoDome is just too sweet. Hall says one other thing is around that's so sweet he'll be sick - Kevin Nash's crying. Hall says that Nash should bring his weak Wolfpac, Hall will bring the Black & White Express, and the last one standing wins. Hall says that the nWo is only missing one thing, and that's all about Brian Adams. Adams tries to be heard over the "Goldberg" chants. Adams wants to treat San Antonio to a nice warm cup of "Shut the hell up." Adams says he was in Japan, and heard about Goldberg's fluke. Adams says that Goldberg's opponents have been hand-picked. Tony: "[Tonight] For the very first time, Goldberg will speak!!!!" Who is he, some sort of mute?

Another look at nWo Nightcap.

Oh no.......a preview for "Assualt on Devil's Island."

Raven is in the ring with the Flock Blah blah, my life sucks, blah blah. Raven says he's continually attacked. Saturn runs out. Well, jogs, actually. Saturn's got a mic. Saturn say she's sick of hearing Raven cry. He wonders how tough it was to be a spoiled rick kid, and he'll give Raven something to cry about. Kanyon runs in, spins Saturn around, and gets suplexed. Saturn picks Raven up for the Spicolli Driver, but Kanyon makes the save. Kanyon gives the Flatliner to Saturn. Raven leaves, as Kanyon gets booed. That was......random.

Match 1: Barbarian (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Jim Duggan
Zamfir and Jimmy Hart bring out Barbarian. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy One Eye is on my TV. There is no justice. Any guess as to what chant Duggan starts? With all the talent WCW has, why am I watching these two on my TV? Barbarian with a choke, and then no-sells some Duggan clotheslines. Duggan hits the ropes, and floors Barbarian with another clothesline. Polish Hammers from Duggan. Duggan ducks for a backdrop too soon, and gets a beatdown. Jimmy Hart gets some blows in while the ref is distracted. Barbarian hits a slam, but Duggan avoids an elbowdrop. Duggan with a bodyslam, and Jimmy Hart grabs Duggan against the ropes.Of course, Duggan moves, and Barbarian ends up giving the Kick of Fear to Hart. Duggan rolls Barbarian up for the win. Hugh Morrus runs in, and Meng runs in to beat on him. Meng applies the Tongan Death Grip to Morrus, and Barbarian tries to break the hold. Duggan gets his 2x4, and whacks Barbarian. The two clear the ring. Duggan wants a handshake, but gets a Tongan Death Grip instead. And all is right with the world.

Oh dear Lord no, they're doing nWo Nightcap again tonight. I think I should hide under the couch until this whole "Leno" thing blows over.

The band leader introduces nWo Nightcap. Bischoff does some more bad current-events jokes. I wonder why he seems so obsessed with "Viagra." Bischoff with some more "Leno Chin jokes" Bischoff continues with the chin jokes. Bischoff has his own laugh track. A kid at ringside has earplugs in. I wish I did. Bischoff promises us a special guest. Bischoff does Leno's "headlines" thing. The natives are getting restless. The headlines are pretty amusing, though. I wonder if they were lifted from Leno. Bischoff brings out Hollywood Hogan, just in case the fans weren't QUITE suicidal before. Hogan says "Brother" four times in 30 seconds. Hogan says that Bischoff is dominating the late-night talk show scene. Hogan wishes a happy birthday to "Nitro Nick," whoever that is. We see footage from the Jay Leno show where he talked about nWo. Hogan and Bischoff aren't happy about Leno. Hogan's giving Leno one more chance to back off. Hogan says that if Leno doesn't heed the warning, Hogan will come to Leno's show and kick his butt. Bischoff says later on tonight, we'll see what happens when a world-class athlete like Karl Malone gets in the ring with Hogan. Wait! I've got an idea! Let's not show ANY wrestling!!! Yeah, we could just have a three-hour talk show!!!!

The Nitro Girls are out, with Fyre in a suit. She's doing a "happy dance."

This week's Nitro Party winner, some really large people in a pizza parlor.

Mean Gene is in the ring, and calls out Diamond Dallas Page. We're on pace for three matches tonight. Page is out, looking recovered. Jackhammer. Splat. Win. Oh wait, that's not until later. My bad. Gene praises DDP's courage for taking the match against Hart. DDP has something to say to Hollywood "Scum" Hogan. DDP says that Hogan s[blank]ks. Page says that Hogan put the hurtin' on Page last week, but he didn't kill him. Now THERE'S an angle that hasn't been done before, unless you count Undertaker. Page is yelling at the crowd about hogan. He's about to pop an artery. Page says he wants to rid the world of Hogan. Page says that if Hogan gets in the ring tonight, he'll feel the wrath. Woah! Bryan Clarke is coming back! Oh, Hogan will also feel something called "bang." What is this? We do not have this in my land.

A retrospective on the Malenko/Jericho feud.

Tony hypes the Goldberg interview, as nWo music comes on.

Match 2: Scott Norton (w/Scott Hall and Dusty Rhodes) vs. Jim Neidhart
It's Hall, Norton, and Big Dust!!! The nWo Trio makes it over to the broadcast booth. Hall tells the announcers "hi." Hall says that Nash doesn't have the (crotch chop) guts to face Hall, so how about Red Rover, Red Rover, send Stinger right over, tonight." Big Dust grabs the mic. Big Dust says that Larry Zbysko has to stay in the announcers booth, and out of nWo bidness. Dusty says that Larry is in his spot, butchering the English language. Dusty says that Larry is under a Texas gag order, so Zbysko has to be gagged. The nWo leaves. Hall shoves Zbysko, but it doesn't come to anything. Zybsko says that Dusty wants his job, as Scott Norton walks to the ring. Jim Neidhart is waiting in the ring for them. Tony says that Zbysko is not allowed to argue with the nWo. Neidhart tries a couple of moves that Norton no-sells. Norton powerbombs Neidhart, and pins him in under 20 seconds.

We see a "special look" at Goldberg. In the back, we see Doug Dillenger going to Goldberg's locker room. The locker room is torn up, with anti-Goldberg grafitti sprayed on the walls. The plot thickens like cheap gravy.

We're back with Hour Number Two, only ten minutes late.

Bret Hart comes out with the US belt and a Toronto Blue Jays jersey The announcers are dumbfounded about Goldberg's disappearance. Hart wants some congratulations. Hart says "chalk one up for the good guy, a guy who doesn't have any excuses." Hart promises to do his best as champion, and to give everyone a shot at the belt, and to be the greatest US champion of all time. Hart says Sting doesn't need to apologize for their altercation last week. Hart says that he respects Sting. Hart says that Sting was the legacy of WCW, and got screwed over by WCW. Hart says that the tag title lost was Sting's fault, and should learn from defeat. Hart says the fans want to lead Sting down the wrong road, and that he is Sting's friend.

Match 3: WCW World Cruiserweight Champion Chris Jericho vs. Dean Malenko
Jericho comes out looking like a sumo wrestler. This is the "final" Jericho vs. Malenko match. Malenko powerwalks to the ring, looking more determined than usual. Jericho attacks with a dropkick as Deano Machineo tries to enter the ring. Jericho chops Malenko on the outside, and "whoo"s to the crowd. Jericho rolls Malenko back in, and tries a move off the top, but Dean catches him in midair with a knee. Malenko misses a dropkick, Jericho rolls him up, but Malenko rolls out of it and starts punching. Jericho puts Malenko up top, but Malenko shoves him off. Malenko then hits a top-rope sunset flip, but Jericho flips out of it. Jericho turns Dean over in a Boston crab, and Malenko makes it to the ropes. Jericho with a nice springboard dropkick, and an over-the-top plancha. This is a clinic!!!! We come back to see Jericho kicking out of a pin attempt. Malenko hits his "thigh kick" Malenko eats boot as he charges the corner, but German suplexes Jericho. Jericho flips out of Malenko suplex and hits an inverted suplex! Lionsault connects!!! Malenko kicks out at two. Malenko flips out of a Jericho suplex, and after a few reversals, Malenko hits the Tiger bomb! Malenko goes for the Cloverleaf, but Jericho gets to the ropes! Malenko with a bodyslam, and goes up top. Jericho crotches him on the top turnbuckle. They fight on the top, and Malenko hits a TOP ROPE DDT!!!!!!! Ho-ly!!! Jericho gets to the ropes at two. Jericho rolls out of the ring, and goes into his boots for an international object. Malenko kicks Jericho down in the corner, and shoves the ref. Malenko hits a belly-to-back, and Jericho drops the knucks. Malenko hits Jericho, and holds his fists up in the air. Mark Curtis sees the knucks, and disqualifies Malenko. Jericho wins, and Malenko won't get another shot at Jericho. That was one of the best matches in a long time.

Mean Gene is in the back with Dillinger and a security officer, in front of Goldberg's locker room They've apparently found Goldberg, and he's under guard in his room. I can just see Doug Dillinger now: "Goldberg, you've been very bad. I want you to go sit in your locker room and think about it. And no jobber squashes for you until you say you're sorry." Heh. Goldberg's getting a "Time Out."

The Nitro Girls are dancing in the crowd.

We see the long-form Road Wild video, with Travis Twit. Tritt looks like Brian Adams. The wrestler, not the Canadian.

Match 4: Curt Hennig (w/Rick Rude) vs. Steve McMichael
nWo music brings out Curt Hennig and Rick Rude He'll be facing Steve McMichael. Mongo is looking forward to another shot at Hennig. Mongo powers Hennig into the corner, and then out of it. Hennig snaps Mongo's neck over the top rope. Hennig goes to work on Mongo's gut. Rude works Mongo over on the outside. Mongo comes back in, and gets a running powerslam on Hennig. Mongo jaws with Rude, who grabs his leg. This allows Hennig to lock Mongo in the Hennigplex for the win. Hennig's bleeding from the mouth post-match.

More Tonight Show footage

Voodoo Child comes on, bringing out (who else) Hogan, Bischoff, and Disciple Bischoff isn't happy about the Tonight Show footage. Hogan says that he's got the war bonnet on. Hogan congratulates DDP on taking one of the best ass-kickings he's seen in the wrestling business. Hogan accepts DDP's challenge, and threatens to end his career.

We see the DDP/Malone vs. Hogan/Rodman match from Bash at the Beach. This match should take us well into the 10:00 hour. I'm not going to do play-by-play on a three-week-old match.

More from the Tonight Show with Leno insulting a Hogan midget.

And we're back with Hour Number Three!

In the back, a FLEET of security guards are escorting Goldberg to the ring The guards escort Goldberg right down the aisle. We're ready to hear Goldberg for the FIRST TIME (unless you could all those interviews on WCW Saturday Night, Worldwide, and the {Pro}). Goldberg needs some throat lozenges. Goldberg says he's been observing Hogan and his cronies. Goldberg says Hogan crossed the line tonight - now it's personal. Goldberg says he's going to make an example out of Brian Adams. Goldberg: "Because, Brian Adams, you're next!"

Mean Gene talks about the rumors regarding the reformation of the Horsemen, and calls out Arn Anderson Arn says people have been asking him why he was so hard on Dean, Mongo, and Benoit. Arn says that Mongo, Malenko, and Benoit have tried to make it personal, to bring friendship into it. Arn says that his best friend is sitting home now, and that's personal to him. Arn says that he was going to let tonight be his barometer. Arn says Malenko lost to an inferior man, because he lost his cool. Arn says Mongo should have had the motivation to beat Hennig. Arn says he's asked, and now he tells Mongo, Malenko, and Benoit to let it be.

Match 5: Scott Hall vs. Sting
Scott Hall comes out solo. Wolfpac music brings out Sting, also alone. There's some sort of weird smoke coming out of the ringposts. Hall throws his toothpick, and Sting throws punches. Sting with a facebuster, and floors Hall with a punch. Sting sends Hall out of the ring. Hall comes back in, and wants a test of strength. Sting gets a poke to the eye for his trouble, though. Sting tries a cross-body, but Hall turns it into his fallaway slam. Only gets two, though. Hall paintbrushes Sting. Sting hits a Stinger Splash, turns Hall around, and hits another one. Hall wanders to another corner, and gets another one. Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop. Bret Hart makes his way to the ring, as Sting applies the Scorpion Deathlock. Sting drops the hold, goes outside, and punches Hart. Curt Hennig and Vincent come down to beat on Sting, and there goes the bell. Hart goes into the ring. Lex Luger comes down to beat on Hennig. Kevin Nash is in the ring, and Jackknifes Vincent. Hart is sitting in the ring, a-la Raven. Nash tries to Jackknife Hall, but Hall crotches him. Hall puts the boots to Nash. Hart helps Sting up in the ring, but Sting crotches him. Sting tries to put the Scorpion Deathlock on Hart, but Hart scampers away. The announcers make a note of the fact that Hart never fought back when Sting attacked him.

We take another look at the Buff Bagwell re-heel turn from last week.

Mean Gene calls out Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell Steiner is pushing Bagwell in a wheelchair, and pushes him down the ramp. Bagwell falls over, and Steiner comically runs down, and acts concerned. Steiner helps Bagwell up, and Bagwell poses. Bagwell rips his neck brace off, and poses some more. Bagwell wants the camera to focus on his neck scar. Scott calls Buff the best setup-man in wrestling. Steiner shows off an arm vein that you could drive a tank through. Steiner says he beat Rick up all his life, and will face him at Sturgis. JJ Dillon comes out to berate Buff. Dillon promises Scott a match with Rick.

Match 6: Brian Adams (w/Vincent) vs. WCW World Heavyweight Champion Bill Goldberg
Adams comes out first. The security officers escort Goldberg out again. Once again, the World Title match is second-best. Vincent distracts Goldberg, allowing Adams to snap Goldberg's neck across the top. Adams connects with a top-rope shoulderblock for two. Adams suplexes Goldberg for two. Adams tries it again, but Goldberg takes him down. Goldberg hits the spear, and then spears Vincent. Goldberg spears Adams again. Jackhammer. Splat. Win. Goldberg's now 121-0.

Match 7: Hollywood Hogan (w/Disciple) vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Voodoo Child comes on, the bell rings three times, and the music goes off. Whoops. Michael Buffer does his schtick, in Spanish too. That reminds me - no luchadores tonight, even though we're near Mexico. Voodoo Child comes back on, and Hogan comes out. Some demented fool at ringside has a "Hogan Is God" sign. DDP gets the second entrance. Page takes the roundabout entrance through the crowd. Hogan attacks at the bell. Hogan chokes Page with his wrist tape. Page turns Hogan around, and kicks him down in the corner. Page with an elbow, and a choke. Hogan with the thumb to the eye. Hogan hits a belly-to-back suplex. Hogan with a double-arm clothesline for two. Hogan slams Page, but misses an elbow. Page, ironically, Hulks up and hits his discus clothesline. Page clotheslines Hogan against the ropes. It looked like Hogan was supposed to go over, but didn't. They brawl on the outside, and Hogan gets a thumb to the eye. Page fights both nWoites off. Hogan begs off. Hogan with an avalanche clothesline. Hogan hits the big boot. Hogan listens for the cheers. Page is getting up. Hogan tries a bodyslam, but Page slides out of it and hits the Diamond Cutter. Since we can't have a clean win, the nWo runs in to beat on Page. Page will win by disqualification. The Wolfpac rushes the ring, followed by Goldberg. Goldberg clears the ring of the nWo. Giant comes in, and chokeslams Goldberg as we fade to black.

I dunno, folks. I'm a big fan of "wrestling first, talk second," so this show just really didn't do it for me. It seemed really, I dunno, flat. An average of 2 matches per hour in a three hour show? WTF??? Also, if you're GOING to have only seven matches in three hours, why on EARTH would you have Barbarian vs. Duggan, when Chavo, Eddie, Disco, etc. are sitting idle? As much as it hurts me to think about, I think it's not going to be pretty in the ratings.