IMPACT

July 26, 2007
Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida
thanks to: pwtorch.com
 

They open with a recap of last week when Team 3D challenged the Steiners to show up on Impact this week. More fun with Dustin Rhodes, Abyss, Sting, and Kurt Angle nearly naked.

They showed footage from 5:38 p.m. when Leticia found Christian Cage, A.J. Styles, Tomko, Robert Roode, and Ms. Brooks backstage with Cage Security. Christian said he walked into an unsafe work environment last week, which is why he found his security force. One security guard kept looking around like a Secret Service agent in a C-level movie. Christian brought Styles and Roode in for a pep talk. Christian and Tomko left, then Roode asked Styles if he's going to hold up his end of the bargain. Styles began talking to Leticia, who just held the mic.

Mike Tenay and Don West introduced tonight's top matches of Roode vs. Sting and Styles vs. Abyss in a No DQ match. Roode then came out with Brooks for the opening match. Sting slowly walked out and Roode met him with right hand blows before the bell sounded.

1 -- ROBERT ROODE (w/Ms. Brooks) vs. STING

Roode tried to smash Sting - and his t-shirt - into the corner turnbuckle, but Sting countered and slammed Roode head-first into the top, middle, and bottom corner turnbuckles. The fight spilled to the floor and Sting took off his t-shirt before slamming Roode into the guardrail. Brooks tried to distract Sting, who then walked into a punch to the gut. Roode went for a piledriver on the ramp, but Sting countered with a back body drop onto the ramp. Roode then shoved Brooks into Sting, who turned around as Roode slammed a chair over his back. So, this one is No DQ as well. Roode repeated the chair shot to the back, then rolled Sting back into the ring. Suddenly, Eric Young came to ringside sporting the Sting facepaint.

[Commercial Break]

Back to the action, Brooks jumped on the apron and slapped Sting, but Sting did his Superman comeback to scare Roode off the apron. He then dumped Roode with a hip toss and fired up a comeback. He hit a Stinger Splash, then went for the Scorpion Deathlock, but Roode escaped and hit a spinebuster for a nearfall at 8:00. Roode then tried to use a chair, but Young ripped the chair away from Roode, who walked into the Scorpion Death drop. Sting then made the cover for the win. Afterward, Young jumped into the ring and hugged Sting like a fanboy. Roode chastised Brooks ringside.

WINNER: Sting in 9:00. Standard TNA TV match. The Sting/Young coalition was inevitable and could be intriguing. (*1/2)

[Q2]

They showed a sit-down interview with Mike Tenay and Dustin Rhodes. Weird exchange between Tenay and Rhodes on him pulling off the Goldust character. He said there's always been a side of him for the last 34 years that's wanted to come out. Some sort of dual personality that he said is coming out. That was disturbing in a change-the-channel kind of way.

They cut to a Kurt Angle psychiatry meeting. The camera focused tight on Angle's face as he talked. He said his mom loved him more than his other brothers and sisters. Angle said he was beating up every six year-old on the block because he was better than everyone else. He said everyone was always jealous of him. Angle said everyone has to decide whether he or she wants to wear Armani suits or take care of spoiled brats at an orphanage. They never showed who he was talking to.

[Commercial Break]

They returned to part 2 of Kurt Angle's session. He said the hot girls always chased him, but not the skanky ones like the girls who hang around the Impact zone. Angle said he always had to turn them down because he couldn't keep them out of his pants, so now they're bitter at him. He said his wife is even proud to be Mrs. Kurt Angle.

2 -- CHRIS SABIN & ALEX SHELLEY vs. LAX (HOMICIDE & HERNANDEZ)

LAX hit the ring and the Motor City Machine Guns took the attack to them. Tenay pointed out that Nash was nowhere to be found. LAX worked babyface here, and Hernandez quickly took control for LAX after a minute. Hernandez tossed the heels around the ring before setting up Shelley for a power move, only to have Sabin catch him in the gut with a kick. Sabin dropped Hernandez with an STO before Sabin hit a kick to the face for a nearfall. Homicide then tossed Sabin to the floor before LAX worked on Shelley. Sabin jumped back into the ring and slipped out of the Cop Killah before kicking Homicide in the face with a big boot. He went for a corner move, but Hernandez caught Sabin on his shoulders. Hernandez then nailed the Ace Crusher on Sabin from Hernandez's shoulders for the pin and the win.

After the match, Team 3D stormed the ring and received a "3D sucks" chant. Devon told LAX that their business doesn't concern them. He told LAX that they're has-beens. LAX bailed from ringside as Team 3D called out the Steiners.

WINNERS: LAX in 3:00. Somewhere, there was a babyface turn for LAX that we all missed. In any event, too short of a match to amount to much other than a transition to Team 3D's segment. (3/4*)

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

Team 3D was still in the ring following the break. Scott Steiner's siren music hit, then Scott walked out with Rick. Don West then filled in some of the details on what happened to Scott in Puerto Rico. Scott stepped into the ring and said the Puerto Rican people are his favorite people right now because they saved his life. Ray started laughing, then Scott cut him off and said maybe Ray would gain a few more fat cells standing there while he talks. Scott said he never misses a match, and he definitely wouldn't have missed the match with Team 3D unless he had a near-death experience. Scott said he just missed dying, then he thanked the doctors, nurses, and fans who showed him support. Ray said the reason why Scott didn't show up is because Team 3D is better than the Steiners ever were. He asked Scott what kind of surgery he had if there are no scars. Scott then pulled off his shirt and the camera focused on a huge scar around Scott's right side. He explained how the doctors went into his body to fix his trachea. Ray said that was nothing more than a paper cut in ECW. Scott said they weren't champions in a bingo hall, but world champions in WCW. The James Gang then stepped in and B.G. talked all the way to the ring about being the best tag team in the world. Scott said they were on top of the wrestling world sitting on top of crap in WWF. He said the wrestling world was on a high because everyone was tuning in to watch them on WCW. Suddenly, the action broke down and it looked like a bunch of old men fighting in the nursing home over a game of dominoes. A pointless segment that shows how out of touch with reality TNA can be at times when six wrestlers are talking about the "glory days" like a bunch of former football jocks reminiscing at the 10-year high school reunion, when there is a current wrestling scene that should be more important than who people tuned in to watch 10 years ago. LAX then made the save when Team 3D started choking Scott and Rick with a Puerto Rican flag.

[Commercial Break]

Part 3 of Angle's session continued to TNA. He wanted to know what he ever did to TNA. He said that if you take the Kurt Angle out of TNA, you have an independent show that draws 50 people at the most. Angle said he's trying to take all the credit for TNA's success because he's comparable to Gandhi, George Washington, and Martin Luther "the King". The camera pulled back to reveal Kevin Nash sitting in a chair listening to Angle while sporting a Speedo. He asked for a little time in the tanning bed. Angle told him to clean up when he's done. Afterward, Don West wanted to know how much Nash charges for a session.

[Q4]

3 -- ABYSS vs. A.J. STYLES -- No DQ match

Styles jumped Abyss before the opening bell, but Abyss quickly flipped him to the mat with a back body drop. Abyss then did the Umaga rear splash on Styles, or as Don West put it: "He just creamed his head." Abyss went for a power move, but Styles slipped out. He then charged Abyss, who flipped him over the top rope to the floor.

[Commercial Break]

Back from break, there was a chair in the chair. Meanwhile, Styles kicked Abyss, who was on his knees in the ring. They showed footage from during the break of Styles creaming Abyss with a chair. Styles walked into a boot to the gut, then Abyss went for a powerbomb, but Styles countered into a sunset flip. He went for the springboard reverse DDT, but Abyss moved and threw Styles head-first into the chair. Abyss then hit the Shock Treatment out of the torture rack position and he scored a nearfall. Abyss and Styles then traded finishing move attempts. Tenay said that Samoa Joe has been training this week (footage, maybe?) and he would be on Impact next week. After a lull, Abyss connected with a chokeslam for a nearfall. Tomko then sauntered to ringside. Meanwhile, Styles walked into the Black Hole Slam, but Tomko broke up the follow-up pin.

The lights then went down, and Sting appeared when they came back on. He KO'ed Styles and Tomko, then he told Abyss to go under the ring. Abyss pulled out a thumbtack bag, but someone grabbed Abyss's feet and dragged him under the ring. The announcers assumed Christian, but it's probably Banderas-related. Suddenly, Abyss re-emerged covered in what was assumed to be blood. Christian then appeared on the entrance ramp with his security peeps. He walked to ringside and pulled out the tack bag. In the ring, Christian dumped the broken glass in center ring. Ringside, Abyss crawled around in pain. Back in the ring, Tomko slammed Sting back-first into the broken glass. Sting sold the move for a few seconds, then rolled to the other side of the ring. The heels then grabbed Abyss and dragged him into the ring. Styles pulled out another bag, this time the thumbtacks. Christian dumped the tacks on top of the glass, then Tomko picked up Abyss and gave him a two-hand chokeslam onto the tacks/glass. Oh, wait, there's a match. Styles covered the Abyss scrap heaps for the pin and the win.

WINNER: Styles in 12:00. This is what happens when a promotion neglect a previous huge and bloody beating. They have to repeat it because they didn't reinforce it the first time. Not quite a memorable show-closing moment because we've seen too many bloody beatings recently that haven't been reinforced, especially going back to Rhino's beating at the last PPV. (*3/4)