IMPACT

March 29, 2007
Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida
thanks to: pwtorch.com
 

We open with a video recap of last week's show.

They cut to Eye Spy with Steve Borden and James Mitchell having a conversation over breakfast. Mitchell explained that it wasn't Abyss who shot his dad in the back, but Abyss's mom because she was tired of the abuse. He then explained that Abyss wiped the fingerprints off the gun and covered the gun with his own prints so he would take the rap instead of his mom. Borden sat in silence as Mitchell explained that the fool did a lengthy prison sentence just to save his mom. He said he was on good authority to tell the authorities about the little secret if he was so inclined. Apparently, TNA knows for 100 percent certainty that no one with a law enforcement background watches Impact and would be able to take Abyss's mom into custody based on the evidence from Mitchell. In any event, Borden became agitated when Mitchell told him to shove it with the self-righteous saving of Abyss. He then walked off and told Borden to pick up the check.

The usual Impact intro aired, then we right to the ring for a six-man Ultimate Xscape match with Bob Backlund doing cardio outside the ring.

1 -- THE AUSTIN STARR vs. JERRY LYNN vs. SONJAY DUTT vs. ALEX SHELLEY vs. PETEY WILLIAMS vs. SHARK BOY

A bunch of spots in the opening minute. Shelley had a short haircut this week. Lynn then gave everyone a hip toss one after the other. Shark Boy hit the Dead Sea Drop on Shelley for the first elimination. Lynn and Dutt exchanged control, then Lynn hit a cradle piledriver on Dutt for the second elimination. Starr blocked the Dead Sea Drop, then hit a brainbuster for the third elimination. Lynn and Petey double-teamed Starr and Petey begged to hit the Canadian Destroyer. Lynn granted his request and Starr was eliminated following a Destroyer. With Lynn and Petey left, one of them had to escape the cage. Petey and Lynn fought on top of the cage, then Lynn crashed to the floor to win.

After the match, Christopher Daniels jumped Lynn from behind with a baseball bat. Petey knelt over Lynn, then Daniels slowly walked up the entrance ramp.

WINNER: Lynn in 5:00. Four pinfalls in four minutes. It really is a video game with everyone hitting finishing moves with little build up. And no one will care about any of these men after the commercial break. Lynn must hold the record for most multiple-person-X-Division-match victories. (*)

Leticia found Tomko exiting his car after arriving in the building backstage. Christian Cage then found him and tried to get some details on his trip to Japan. Tomko wouldn't answer anything, then Christian received a phone call. Tomko quietly left the scene to walk into the building as Christian continued to talk. Christian ended his phone call, then turned around to discover that Tomko had walked away.

[Commercial Break]

Out of the break, Christian Cage led Scott Steiner and A.J. Styles to the ring. Christian made it official that Steiner is the third member of Team Cage at Lethal Lockdown. Steiner then reminded Christian of the title shot he deserves. Styles didn't like it that Christian was throwing out title shots left and right. Christian then introduced Abyss as the fourth member of Team Cage. James Mitchell led Abyss to the ring, then Christian shook hands with Mitchell. Christian said the team is complete, but Styles interjected that they might do things differently in Canada, but he wants to know who number five is. The fans chanted, "We want Sting," so Christian told them to shut up. He then introduced Tomko as the fifth member. Tomko's music hit, but he didn't walk out. Christian said Tomko must not have heard him, so he introduced Tomko once again. After a lengthy pause, Tomko finally walked out and stood in the ring. Styles jumped up and down, then Christian went for a hug, but Tomko shoved him away. He said Christian's made him a bunch of promises, but they've all turned out to be lies. Tomko said Christian still owes him a title shot and he doesn't care whether Christian has offered Steiner, Styles, or Mitchell a title shot, he wants his shot tonight before he joins Team Cage. Christian snapped that he can't believe how selfish Tomko is for putting himself ahead of the team. He screamed that he is a man of his word, but Tomko wouldn't get his title shot until after they beat Team Angle at Lockdown. Kurt Angle's music then interrupted.

Angle walked out with Samoa Joe and Rhino, then they stood on the entrance ramp. Angle told Tomko that what Christian is trying to say is that he won't get his title shot. Angle told Tomko that Christian is a liar, so he should join Team Angle to beat down Christian. Jim Cornette then interrupted and said he's tired of the debate and soap opera. He said they're going to settle the issue in the ring, with one member of each team facing off to win Tomko's services. Christian didn't like that and tried to interrupt, but Tomko cut him off and told him to shut up. Cornette then presented two contracts for whichever team wins his services. He said Tomko would get his title shot if he signs the deal. Tomko smiled and took the contracts with him. Angle smiled and Christian looked concerned.

[Commercial Break]

We saw a video package on LAX vs. Team 3D. Konnan said they set the rules now because they've beaten Team 3D at their matches. Ray talked about legacy as they flashed pictures of legendary tag teams such as the Andersons, Road Warriors, and Funks.

Backstage, Borash interviewed Kurt Angle as Joe and Rhino stood behind him. Angle said he wanted to take the match tonight for Tomko's services because he could handle the job. Joe's facial expressions told us he wasn't happy with Angle front-running. Angle said Abyss and Sting were supposed to be his fourth and fifth members, but that's fallen through. He said number four would be revealed tonight. Borash asked about number five, but Angle said some things are better left unsaid. He walked off. Joe watched him walk off with a look of annoyance on his face.

[Commercial Break]

Eric Young walked out for a match and did the deal where he tried to cover his ears before his pyro went off. Of course, he mistimed it and jumped through the roof when his pyro went off.

2 -- ERIC YOUNG vs. JAMES STORM (w/Jackie Moore)

West and Tenay speculated on who Young's friend is. West held to his theory that it's Petey Williams based on their Team Canada days. Storm worked on Young's head in the opening minute, then Young fired back with a clothesline and belly-to-belly suplex for a nearfall. Young went up top, but Jackie shoved him off the top right into a superkick from Storm for the win.

WINNER: Storm in 2:00. (1/2*)

After the match, The Pirate Chris Harris and Gail Kim tried to hit the ring to jump Storm, but security immediately hit the ring to separate them. Harris then jumped over security and nailed Storm with a left hand blow. They fought to the outside, then Harris and Storm battled to the back like usual. Robert Roode then came to the ring with Ms. Brooks. He said Young is a disgrace to wrestling. Young threatened to hit Roode, but Roode reminded him that he would be fired. Tenay told us the consequences are that Young would never be able to wrestle in TNA anymore if he gets himself fired from Roode Inc. Roode then said Young has no friends, at which point Petey Williams made the save. He went for the Canadian Destroyer, but Roode bailed.

Backstage, Styles and Steiner argued around Christian while Leticia held the mic. Christian quieted everyone down, then said Tomko is nothing without him. He wanted volunteers to face Angle, but no one budged. Christian said he couldn't risk injury because then he couldn't sell tickets. Well, considering they don't even sell tickets to TV, that's not much of a problem. Steiner retorted that his arms sell tickets. Styles said his hood sells tickets. Christian cut him off and said he looks like an idiot. Christian then asked for a voice of reason and looked toward James Mitchell, who was standing in the background. He said Abyss is the man because he's only good for handling dirty work. Mitchell said that if Abyss doesn’t do what he says, the authorities are only a phone call away. Abyss stood up and grunted, but Mitchell quickly cut him off. Abyss then sat down and grabbed his hair in deep frustration. Boy, if only the criminal justice system worked like TNA where murderers aren’t allowed to be discovered until someone decides to make a phone call after blabbing about it on national television.

[Commercial Break]

Tenay and West did a split-screen interview with Christy Hemme on one side and B.G. & Kip James & Lance Hoyt on the other side. Tenay said Christy's team didn't win at the last PPV, then he asked Christy what else she has in mind. Christy said she's going to continue battling in the war. Kip then said Christy is wasting their time when they should be going after the NWA Tag Titles. He said Christy needs to stop while she still has one shred of dignity left. Christy said Kip can't take her dignity away. Kip retorted that he's pissed off now and she's going to get hurt sooner or later like a wrestler. Christy answered that she would have a new team ready at Lockdown. Kip stormed off the interview set, then B.G. and Hoyt followed their leader.

Tomko came to ringside with both contracts in hand to get a closer look at the main event.

3 -- ABYSS (w/James Mitchell) vs. KURT ANGLE

Angle worked on Abyss's ankle early on, then went for a takedown, but Abyss nailed him with a clothesline. Angle played opossum, then dropped Abyss with the anklelock, but Abyss grabbed the bottom rope. Christian Cage then came to ringside and yelled at Abyss before they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

Out of the break, Abyss scored with a high vertical suplex for a nearfall. Angle ducked two clotheslines, then Angle went for a German suplex, but he barely could get Abyss off the ground. He then went for the Olympic Slam, but Abyss shoved him to the ropes. Abyss then went for the Shock Treatment, but Angle rolled through into an ankle lock attempt. Christian encouraged Abyss to break the hold, but Angle kept the hold locked in. Abyss finally escaped and flipped Angle right into the referee Earl Hebner, who bumped to the outside. Abyss then hit the Black Hole Slam on Angle and a new ref hit the ring to count a nearfall. Abyss went for a chokeslam, but Angle rolled through and scored a pinfall to win.

WINNER: Angle in 8:00. Crowd was surprisingly quiet for this match. They seem to recognize that Angle is just another guy on the TV show these days. Basic wrestling match comparable to the "main event" of the first hour of Smackdown . (*1/4)

After the match, Tomko picked up the Team Angle contract and entered the ring. He raised Angle's arm, then Angle turned to pose for the camera. Tomko then smashed the contract over Angle's head and stomped on Angle. Christian then entered the ring with the Team Cage contract and Tomko signed Christian's deal. Rhino tried to even things up, but A.J. Styles joined Team Christian. Samoa Joe made the save, but Scott Steiner hit the ring to make it a five-on-three beating. Steiner gave Joe a belly-to-belly suplex, then Christian's music hit and Team Cage stood tall in the ring. Our weekly exercise in undermining Jim Cornette's authority has been completed.