IMPACT

January 24, 2007
Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida
thanks to: pwtorch.com
Buy this episode from

We open with footage from "City Hall". Mike Tenay said Sting found out what Abyss has been hiding for years. After a recap of last week aired, Tenay and West talked about Christian vs. Daniels and Abyss's secret.

Samoa Joe walked to the ring with a towel draped over his shoulder. Man, I miss that blood-stained towel he carried around for months. Joe took the mic and said Kurt Angle has a lot of questions for Joe. He posed the question of why would he help Kurt Angle. Joe said he wouldn't help Angle if he were stuck on the tracks with a train bearing down on him. Tenay and West kept yapping when Joe paused. Joe then said he would be the unofficial ringside enforcer for Christian vs. Angle at the PPV so Angle could beat Christian, then Joe could beat Angle for the World Title. Angle walked out and said he doesn't have a problem with Joe wanting to fight him again, but he has a problem with how Joe is going about it. Angle said Christian has a consultant. He then recapped the entire show last week. Angle said that if Joe wants to train Christian, he doesn't have a problem with that, but if Joe gets within a foot of the ring, he would snap off his ankle. Joe cut him off and said he's not a liar. Joe said he would beat Angle's best friend at Against All Odds and the next time they fight, he would be taking the NWA Title from Angle. Christian Cage's music interrupted. Christian walked out on stage with Tomko. He said Joe isn't his consultant. Christian said Joe isn't good enough to consult him on anything. Joe sneered at Christian. Christian then said he could be a liar and he's so good at lying that he's not sure if he's even telling the truth most of the time. Christian promised a second hint about the person tonight. He warned Angle that the person is closer than he thinks. Please don't tell me Angle's wife is getting involved with this. Suddenly, Joe and Angle were fighting in the ring until security intervened. OK, now we're at over-kill. Tomko then came to ringside and stood over Tenay and West as they broke down tonight's card. Tomko took the mic and said there's going to be some wholesale changes, starting with the announcing.

Jeremy Borash was backstage with James Mitchell and Abyss. Abyss was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, while Mitchell was calm and relaxed. Great dichotomy. Mitchell suggested Sting meet them at the prison yard at Against All Odds. Mitchell said he was going to extend a courtesy of good advice to Sting about Abyss's secret and he said some things are better left buried and dead. He said it wouldn't be pretty to lance away the puss-infected boil that is his secret. Having dealt with a staph infection three months ago, that's not a pleasant memory. Mitchell then said Sting thinks he can hand Abyss a key to Heaven by revealing his secret, but Mitchell said that wouldn't be the case.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

TNA cameras found Jim Cornette and Borash having a moment with Serotonin in his office. All four were wearing some ridiculous Mardi Gras masks. Cornette told them to start earning their money and stop promoting an S&M parol. Cornette told Raven to hit the ring and get ready for Rhino.

They cut back to the arena as Rhino ran to the ring for the match. Raven's stooges then ran into the ring and took a quick beating. Raven then slid into the ring and caned Rhino with a stick. Suddenly, "Raven" took off his mask, revealing A.J. Styles. Styles smashed the stick across Rhino's back, then retrieved a chair. He then hit a home run with Rhino's face and opened a cut. Referees came into the ring and told Styles to get lost.

Christian Cage was with Leticia in the TV truck. Someone told Christian they have nine cameras covering the show. He said he needs three and a half more cameras on him because he sparkles a little more in one eye. Leticia just stood there and rolled her eyes. They obviously didn't trust her with any speaking lines in this completely random segment that came out of nowhere.

[Commercial Break]

They aired a quick movie poster for Ron Killings in A Few Good Black Men. Tenay said

They cut to Eye Spy where Borash, Eric Young, and Alex Shelley went shopping for condoms. Young said he needs a smaller size. James Storm then led Miss Tennessee, Slick Johnson, and some other people into the convenience store where Young was buying rubbers at 4:00 in the morning. The Middle Eastern clerk asked for a price check on condoms. He could barely keep a straight face, poor guy. Young left in embarrassment and shame.

Ms. Books and Robert Roode were watching Young's exploits backstage on the monitor with Leticia. Roode said Brooks has until next week to get the contract signed. Brooks looked at Leticia and said she knows she wants her. Leticia was silent again.

1 -- X Division champion CHRIS SABIN & AUSTIN STARR vs. JERRY LYNN & SENSHI. OK, so now for something different. This is turning into Monty Python with completely random videos and in-ring segments with no sense of continuity. The only problem is that Monty did a comedy sketch show and TNA is trying to present a wrestling show. The bell rang after Sabin was the only one to get his ring entrance. Lynn dropped Sabin with the TKO and Starr broke up a pin. Starr and Senshi then brawled to the floor. In the ring, Sabin went for the Cradle Shock on Lynn, but he countered into a cradle pin for the win. WINNERS: LYNN & SENSHI in 4:00. I'm pretty sure this was a tag match, but I could be wrong. What's left to say about the X Division? The eulogy was read months ago.

Leticia was backstage with B.G. and Kip James at the interview set. Kip had tape over his mouth. B.G. extended his apologies to Christy Hemme and apologized to anyone who was offended by what Kip said to Christy. Kip took off the tape and said TNA wrestling is a man's world. He said men rule in wrestling. B.G. said that's too much and he left.

[Q3]

[Commercial Break]

They aired a replay of Team 3D's GI Joe promo a few weeks ago. They cut to home footage of Konnan standing in his living room with a walker. He said LAX broke up AMW and they'll take out Team 3D when they least expect it. It was good to see Konnan looking healthy, despite losing so much weight. Konnan said that from here on out, TNA would start respecting LAX.

Sting is back in character this week. I guess last week was personal and this week is just make-believe wrestling. He walked to the ring with his baseball bat in hand. Sting gave his sermon and said Abyss has been hiding and protecting something for ten years. He said he's going to reveal what Abyss did, but he realizes Abyss is going to go off and he's willing to sacrifice himself to get through another layer of Abyss's mess. Sting said Abyss put three bullets in the back of a man's head, put him in a coma, but he lived. Sting said it was Abyss's father and he wants to know why. Abyss then walked into the ring and clotheslined Sting to the outside. He then threw Sting into the ring steps and grabbed his head in anger. Abyss threw Sting into the wall at the base of the bleachers as Tenay and West talked about Sting sacrificing himself to get through to Abyss. Tenay droned on about Sting thinking of Abyss as a human being and doing this for him. Abyss threw Sting through the side exit to outside of the building, then they inexplicably cut to Tenay and West talking at their scripts, like they were reading lines for a play. Mitchell then appeared and threw a fire ball in Sting's face. West said Sting is on fire, but he wasn't. Sting screamed and ran into the camera as they cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

They cut backstage where an ambulance was driving away with Sting. Ringside, West shuddered like he just stepped into 30 degree air outside. Tenay said Sting would never be the same physically.

Borash was backstage with Christian and Tomko. He said it's been a disturbing night. Christian said that through it all, he's still the star of the show. Christian told someone off-camera to spin back around to the building and pick up Christopher Daniels when he's done with him.

Christopher Daniels walked to the ring. They cut to a promo from two weeks ago when Daniels told Leticia it's time for him to serve his own best interests. Christian came out and Tenay and West continued to discuss the "shocking revelation" that Abyss shot his dad in the back. This is so ridiculous. They're asking us to care about a storyline when we have no idea what kind of dad Abyss had. Was he abusive? Did he do charitable works? Did he kill Abyss's sister, then Abyss killed his dad in self-defense? TNA doesn't want to take the time to introduce characters (e.g. Joe's girlfriend), but they want the viewer to care about storylines that centrally involve unknown people.

2 -- NWA champion CHRISTIAN CAGE vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS -- non-title match. Joe walked to ringside two minutes into the match. Tenay told Borash to come ringside to find out what Joe's intentions are.

[Commercial Break]

Christian had Daniels in a headlock out of the break. Borash then interviewed Joe ringside and he said he's proving a point to his good friend, Kurt Angle. Christian then hit a standing neckbreaker and jaw-jacked to the hard camera. Tomko then jumped on the apron to give Christian some advice. Joe got up and screamed at Christian. Meanwhile, Daniels had to keep selling a neckbreaker like he was dead. He then made a comeback with an STO and right hand jabs. He hit a Death Valley Driver for a nearfall at 8:00. Daniels then hit a springboard moonsault on Christian for another nearfall. He went for the BME, but Christian moved. Daniels landed on his feet, though, and went for corner punches. Christian countered into a roll up and tried to use the ropes for a pin, but Daniels kicked out. Christian went for the Unprettier, but Daniels countered into a front slam into the Koji Clutch. Tomko tried to interfere, but Joe jumped in the ring and cut him off. With the ref's back turned, Christian kicked Daniels between the legs and hit the Unprettier for the win. WINNER: CHRISTIAN IN 10:00. Just a match with plenty else happening simultaneously.

Joe chased Christian and Tomko after the match and Christian took Joe's towel. Angle then ran into the ring from behind and spun Joe around. Christian didn't seem to realize or mind that Joe had the NWA Title belt in his hand. Angle and Joe exchanged words while Daniels recovered on his knees in the corner.