IMPACT

March 25, 2006
Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida

thanks to pwtorch for results

- We began with clips from last week when Scott Steiner ran down TNA, Larry Zbyszko explained the enigmatic dynamic between TNA management and the championship committee, Zbyszko named a cage match for this week, and Samoa Joe tore up Z's office.

- Don West said we would hear from Sting this week. Mike Tenay was in center ring, which explains why D.W. did intros. Tenay reminded us that every Lockdown PPV match would be inside the cage. He introduced Samoa Joe. Tenay said Joe has not been pinned and he has not submitted in nine months as part of TNA. Joe ripped up a sign on the way to the ring. "Joe, Joe," the fans chanted. Tenay reminded Joe that his opponent at Lockdown would be out of the X Division. Joe called himself one of the best wrestlers in the world. "Who's head do I have to cave in to get who I want?" Joe asked. Tenay introduced footage of Sabu. Joe convulsed and stared into the camera. Too short of a promo.

- Jeremy Borash was backstage with Team 3D. Brother Ray stared deep into the camera and cut a preacher-style promo. Where's T-Bolt when you need him? Ray ripped on Team Canada for being a thorn in the side of the U.S. and Team 3D. Ray said his token one-liner.

1 -- ELIX SKIPPER & DAVID YOUNG & SIMON DIAMOND vs. CHRIS SABIN & SONJAY DUTT & JAY LETHAL

Sonjay Dutt brought the U.S. flag with him to the ring. I bet his bracket is looking good being an alumnus of George Mason. Team TNA flipped David Young over the top rope onto Simon and Skipper. Lethal hit a flip dive on Diamonds in the Rough before the break.

[Commercial Break. Every single commercial was for a local car dealership.]

Back in the ring, Lethal worked on David Young with chops. David hit a spinebuster, his finisher, off the ropes. He stomped on Lethal with boots to the chest. Skipper and David worked on Lethal. Simon got some offense in before Sabin scored the hot tag at 6:00. Sabin hit a combination dropkick and DDT on David. The action broke down with Lethal slipping off the top rope attempting a spin kick. Sabin hit the Cradle Shock on David for the win as Lethal held off the heels.

WINNERS: Sabin, Dutt, and Lethal at 7:05. Not much to it - six guys hitting some spots.

- Backstage, J.B. was with Team Canada. Petey looked like he was going to cry. D'Amore held his face in agony. D'Amore said Zbyszko chose his team to be in a cage match because he has made their differences personal. D'Amore said his team would not be in the cage match. Zbysko interrupted and said it wasn't personal; it was for ratings. D'Amore and Zbyszko argued over ratings. D'Amore said they had some unfinished business. "I can't stand the stench of a rotten, stinking rat," he said. Referee Slick Johnson interrupted and said he was Zbyszko's man for the cage match. Z. said he already has Rudy Charles lined up. Slick said Charles looks like a senior in high school while he has 85 title matches under his belt. Zbysko said he had it under control and Slick came back with a line about Zbyszko's receding hairline. He should have saved that one for Sting. Borash confirmed Slick's observation much to Zbyszko's chagrin.

[Commercial Break]

- TNA aired an interview with Steve Borden. Borden said the same things he said at the conference call in January. He said Jarrett stepped over the line when he had Shelley film his family. Borden asked how Jarrett would feel if the cameras were turned on his personal life. That would be incriminating. Borden said Jarrett is a cancer that needs to be cut away. He said TNA management granted him a return to the company, but only if he could have a special match. He wanted a War Games cage with a top so Jarrett couldn't escape. Borden envisioned weapons hanging from the top. He said he would only return to TNA if Jarrett accepts the match, but Jarrett has to accept the match or else Jarrett will have to quit. That didn't make much sense because Zbysko is supposed to be the "matchmaker," but - in the storyline - Borden is going over Zbyszko's head to management to ask for a match. Borden told Jarrett that Sting is coming to Lockdown with his own army.

- Jeff Jarrett and Scott Steiner interrupted a match with The Naturals. Jarrett approached Tenay and told him that he doesn't have to accept Sting's challenge. Steiner yelled at West and Tenay. "Tie-dye guy" Jeff Jarrett and Steiner jumped The Naturals in the ring. Steiner smashed Andy Douglas's head in between a steel chair and the ringpost on the outside. He continued to smash Douglas with a chair before placing him in the Steiner Recliner. Good old school TV beat down to sell a future match.

[Commercial Break]

- Mike Tenay was in the low voice as security and EMT's placed Andy Douglas on a stretcher and wheeled him off. Chase Stevens encouraged Douglas to stay strong. We saw a replay of Steiner's attack on Douglas. Tenay said they needed to regroup.

- J.B. was backstage with Konnan and Homicide. Konnan confirmed that they kicked Machete out of the group. He said Machete didn't produce because he lost to a guy in a Shark Boy outfit. J.B. pointed out that Konnan ran away from Bob Armstrong. Konnan denied the charge. Bob, B.G., and Kip James interrupted. Konnan and Homicide backed away. Bob challenged Konnan to a military-style arm wrestling contest at Lockdown. Sure beats a one-on-one match.

- We saw a video package on the cage match. Team 3D flexed inside the cage. Eric Young was frightened, but Bobby Roode tried to calm him down.

- Team Canada came to the ring for the cage match. Eric was on the verge of breaking down into tears. Roode rolled him into the ring. Team 3D slowly made their entrance. Brother Devon checked the cage walls. Eric tried to prevent the referees from opening the cage door to allow Team 3D to enter the ring. The referees kicked out Petey, D'Amore, and A-1 from ringside.

2 -- TEAM 3D (BROTHER RAY & BROTHER DEVON) vs. TEAM CANADA (BOBBY ROODE & ERIC YOUNG) -- Six sides of steel cage match

Very slow first minute with both teams trying to feel out the environment and each other. The audience was quiet in anticipation of something big happening.

[Commercial Break. There was a 15-second spot for the move to Thursday nights. Nice black-and-white video with slow motion clips of high impact moves.]

Eric Young, who was busted open during the commercial, tried climbing out of the cage. Devon grabbed him and Ray hit a powerbomb from the corner. Team 3D pounded away on Roode and Eric. Devon ran over Roode with a clothesline. Eric took a right hand and he did a spaghetti-leg flop. Ray executed a German Suplex on Eric. Eric came to life at 7:25 and raked Ray's head across the cage wall. Canada executed a double suplex on Ray. Devon returned to his corner to wait for a tag.

[Commercial Break]

Eric missed with a top rope moonsault on Ray, which allowed Devon to take a tag. Good use of the commercial break to eliminate the repetitive heel beat down on Ray. Devon hit a lift up slam on Eric after back body dropping Roode, who was busted open. Team 3D hit the 3D on Eric Young for the win.

Afterwards, AMW broke open the cage door and attacked 3D in the ring. Team Canada hit the ring and joined the attack. Storm and Harris grabbed a table and slid it into the ring. AMW locked the cage door. Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt tried to make the save. In the most anticlimactic table spot of all time, Petey hit a top rope splash on Ray, but the table barely gave and the legs collapsed. Ray barely moved. Canada finished the table spot by putting Ray through the table. Canada busted open Ray then threw him into the cage wall. They draped a Canadian flag on Ray and Devon then sang the Canadian National Anthem. Eric Young rolled around the ring in a state of confusion.

WINNERS: Team 3D at 13:04 (including commercials). After seven or eight minutes of good television action, the finish came out of nowhere with very little heat. TNA wouldn't have to repeat the same blood-stained beat down on Team 3D for the third time if they incorporated basic post-angle follow up instead of jumping to the very next issue. The law of diminishing returns says that the fourth beat down will be just another angle that isn't worth the emotional investment.

- We went to James Mitchell and Alex Shelley's voyeuristic video of Christian Cage's wife. They peered inside the kitchen from outside the front window of Christian's house. They followed her inside a department store and tanning salon. There's a Vince McMahon joke in there somewhere. Mitchell and Shelley approached Christian's wife and scared her. Mitchell smelled her hair and asked why Christian would leave her vulnerable if he really loved her. They told her not to call the cops and walked out.