IMPACT

March 18, 2006
Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida

thanks to pwtorch for results

- We started with a video package from Destination X when Jarrett's army beat up Christian and Sting Borden.

- Jeff Jarrett led his army to the ring. It's almost as large as the NWO in its heyday. All they need is Scott Norton or Virgil. Jarrett introduced Scott Steiner. The siren blasted and Steiner walked to the ring. Jarrett handed Steiner a mic. Thank goodness Flair isn't in the building. Steiner ripped on the enigmatic "TNA management" concept that has never been explained. Steiner ripped on Rhino by spitting on the mat. "You still suck," the fans chanted. Steiner ripped on Team 3D as fat, out-of-shape guys. I thought heels were supposed to lie. He ripped on Christian. He said the vein in his arm is as big as Christian's entire arm. Steiner said Christian is one bitch slap away from losing the belt. "We want Christian," the fans chanted. Steiner said TNA hired Sting. He said Sting was supposed to be the new face of TNA. "Where is the new face of TNA?" Steiner asked. "Sting is running scared. I am the new face of TNA. I found out why TNA management wasn't calling me because they heard I have a bad attitude and I have problems with people." Steiner said he's been in jail and done the whole bit. He said he's with Jeff Jarrett now.

- Jeremy Borash was backstage with Larry Zbyszko. Zbysko addressed the enigmatic "TNA management" concept that has never been explained. "TNA management is a giant corporation," he said. "The championship committee runs TNA wrestling operations. I am the man who makes the matches. I am responsible for what happens inside the wrestling ring." Zbyszko said he was going to wield his power and sign a cage match between Team 3D and Team Canada. Samoa Joe interrupted. He said it would be in Zbyszko's best interest to give him his re-match. Zbyszko said Joe is in a comfort zone with the X Division. The irony of this. For the last four months, everyone in the company has been stuck in a comfort zone except Joe, Daniels, and Styles. Zbyszko said he would name Joe's Lockdown opponent next week. Zbyszko took off. Joe threw Borash down then destroyed Zbyszko's locker room. He kicked the door down and stormed out.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- MAVERICK MATT (w/Traci) vs. ELIX SKIPPER (w/Simon Diamond) vs. SONJAY DUTT -- X Cup qualifying match

Simon Diamond sat in on commentary. The match was announced as a "Team USA" qualifying match, yet Sonjay Dutt is billed as from India. Tenay defended Sonjay as a U.S. citizen and a graduate of George Mason University. They exchanged offensive advantage during the first few minutes. Tenay said Christian is filming a movie. So much for selling the PPV beating. Skipper hit a splash on Matt and Dutt on the outside. Simon complemented himself on his teaching skills. In the ring, Skipper and Dutt had an awkward exchange before Matt caught Skipper with a superkick. Matt made the cover, but Dutt hit a 450 splash on Matt for the win.

WINNER: Sonjay Dutt at 3:10. Basic match. Nothing special.

- Mike Tenay and Simon Diamond discussed Simon's trip to White Sox spring training. Simon introduced the video package.

- Simon narrated clips of his meeting with A.J. Pierzynski and Dale Torborg. Simon Diamond took batting practice. He talked with the pitching coach about his swing. Back in Orlando, Tenay asked what that was all about. Yeah, I'd like to know. Tenay tried to introduce some footage that he dug up that Simon didn't want to air. Simon demanded they go to commercial. Tenay said we would see additional footage after the break.

[Commercial Break]

- Simon Diamond tried to tell producer Keith Mitchell to go to commercial. To no avail, we saw additional footage. Simon confronted A.J. Pierzynski, who had a replica X Division Title over his shoulder. Simon said it's a travesty for a baseball player to wear a wrestling belt. Pierzynski said Simon should be disgusted. Jim Thome watched from a picnic table. Pierzynski told him that he knocked him out once before and he would be happy to do it again. Pierzynski backed up then White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen cracked a chair over Simon's back from behind. "Get off my field," Ozzie screamed. Back in Orlando, Tenay said it was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Don West could hardly contain his laughter. He pointed out that Ozzie smashed him with a chair. Simon said some kid with an iPod doctored the footage. "iPod?," Tenay asked. "I think you're talking about Photoshop, genius." Simon stormed off the announce table.

- Jeremy Borash was backstage with Team 3D. Brother Ray and Brother Devon said they were ready for the cage match with Team Canada next week. They mocked Team Canada by mocking the Canadian national anthem. They called D'Amore fat. Did they look in the mirror in the morning? Ray got serious and said Team Canada could be entering the ring for the last time next week.

2 -- ABYSS (w/James Mitchell) vs. CASSIDY RILEY

Don West said last year's all-cage PPV was unforgettable. Tenay said he was going to California to discuss matters with Sting. Don West said he knew they hadn't seen the last from Sting. Yeah, he has eight more months left on his contract. Abyss hit the Torture Rack slam and Black Hole slam for the win.

WINNER: Abyss at 0:57. Another Impact squash match.

[Commercial Break]

- Christian spoke to us from Toronto where he's working on a film. He said he's learning from his co-workers. The worst thing about it is that he can't be in Orlando. He said it's a blessing in disguise that he's able to heal up after taking the beating at the PPV. Going back to Rhino no-selling the crashing wall spots with Abyss, Christian should not be talking about filming a movie while appearing to be in good health. Tenay should have said Christian was recovering at home from the injuries he suffered at the PPV and he won't be able to appear on camera for a few weeks to recover. It gets over the brutality of the attack and builds up sympathy for the babyface comeback.

- James Mitchell cut a promo for Abyss, who is the number one contender to Christian's NWA Title. Alex Shelley interrupted with his camera and said Abyss would make for a great documentary.

3 -- MACHETE & HOMICIDE (w/Konnan) vs. NORMAN SMILEY & SHARK BOY

LAX jumped Smiley and Shark before the opening bell. The babyfaces cleared LAX out of the ring. Smiley did the Big Wiggle on Homicide. Konnan hit Smiley with his slapjack. Machete took control of the match. Konnan laid out Machete allowing Shark Boy to pin Machete. Afterwards, Konnan and Homicide beat up Machete. Konnan stripped Machete of his t-shirt. Tenay said that Konnan was upset with Machete at the PPV.

WINNERS: Shark Boy & Smiley 1:38. Storyline write off. Shark and Smiley aren't moving up the ladder anytime soon.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- AMERICA'S MOST WANTED (CHRIS HARRIS & JAMES STORM w/Gail Kim) & SHANNON MOORE & ALEX SHELLEY vs. RON KILLINGS & RHINO & A.J. STYLES & CHRISTOPHER DANIELS

If you missed the PPV, you have no idea why Styles and Daniels are all of a sudden back together. Oh yeah, it's the X Division, so it doesn't matter because it's important for Scott Steiner to get a two-minute promo. Shelley hit an arm drag on Rhino and celebrated to the hard camera. Rhino answered with a series of knock down right hands. Daniels applied an arm drag on Shelley. Shelley delivered a thumb to the eye leading to the break.

[Commercial Break]

Daniels stomped on James Storm then tagged in Styles. The hit Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch's high and low finisher for a nearfall. Styles ran into a clothesline from Harris. Shannon entered the ring and worked on Styles. The heels continued to work on Styles. Killings took the hot tag and cleared the heels. Killings scored a nearfall on Shannon and the action broke down in the ring. Killings hit a somersault dive from the ring to the outside on the heels. Harris dropped Daniels with a clothesline in the ring. Rhino gored Harris. Styles and Daniels combined on a double team powerbomb on Shannon. Styles hit the Clash on Shannon for the win. Bye bye.

WINNERS: 9:10 Good star-studded main event featuring the newer stars on the roster. Well, except for Shannon, who is no longer with the company.

- We closed with a video package for next week's cage match pitting Team Canada against Team 3D. Another wordy promo with poetic lines fit for a Raven promo.