January 18, 2004
Thanks to 1wrestling.com

Pyros go, Coach and Al welcome us in, without further ado we get straight to work…

1^st Match: The Hurricane & Rosey vs. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak. Referee is Mike Chioda.

Nice pop for Team Superhero, decent heat for Mark & Garrison. Hurricane and Mark start, bell rings, we get a few seconds of sizing up, Hurricane ducks under a lockup attempt, goes behind, slaps on a waistlock. Mark powers out with ease, the two again square off, Hurricane again ducks a lockup and gets 2 with a rollup. Mark quickly to his feet, Hurricane applies a side headlock, Mark effortlessly elbows out, Hurricane is sent off the ropes, Mark leapfrogs over as he rebounds, Hurricane puts on the brakes, Mark gets shoved to ropes. Hurricane tries for a monkey flip, no luck, Mark stays on his feet by grabbing the ropes. Mark attempts a running clothesline, Hurricane counters with an armdrag takedown into an armbar. Mark gets to his feet, Hurricane wrings the arm, no effect, Hurricane gets shot to ropes, Rosey makes the hot tag as he hits, Mark sets for the rebound back body drop, Hurricane scouts it, issues a swift kick to the face. Rosey enters, Superhero & protégé whip Mark to ropes, he rebounds into a double team hiptoss and drops to the canvas. Hurricane goes off ropes, Rosey hiptosses him onto the downed Mark. Ref shoos Hurricane out, Rosey goes for the cover, just gets 2. Both men up, Rosey attempts to go back to the arm, Mark fires off a kneelift, reverses the armbar and tags in Garrison. Mark exits, Garrison comes in and works the arm, Rosey reverses then quickly cinches in the side headlock. Garrison escapes via forearms to the gut, Rosey gets whipped to ropes, Garrison drops to the canvas, Rosey leaps over him as he rebounds, Garrison gets to his feet, Rosey goes off opposite ropes and rebounds into a shoulder block. Garrison fires off a headbutt, DUMB move, Rosey shows no ill effect as Garrison drops to his knees. Headbutt by Rosey sends Garrison sprawling, Super Hero in Training brings him up and slams him down. Rosey goes off the ropes, drops the elbow, gets nothing but mat as Garrison rolls clear. Both men up slowly, Garrison connects with a pair of forearms to the head, Rosey staggers back into opposing teams corner. Mark takes a back elbow that drops him to a seated position on the apron, Garrison cores with a pair of shoulders to the gut, ref calls for a break, Garrison sets for the whip, Rosey puts on the brakes, Garrison gets sent back into corner. Rosey charges, Mark pulls his partner out of harms way, Rosey goes shoulder first into ring post. Garrison hauls him by the arm toward the center of the ring, tag is made to Mark, he springs to the top turnbuckle, flies, drops a forearm onto Rosey’s outstretched arm. Garrison exits as Rosey drops, Mark immediately goes for the cover, gets 2. Rosey tries to haul himself up Mark goes to work on his ‘weakened’ shoulder, Rosey tries for a scoop slam, no luck, Mark only goes inches into the air before landing back on his feet. Mark continues to work the shoulder, Rosey tries another scoop slam, still no joy, Mark retains his footing. Rosey fires off desperation forearms to the face, hold is finally broken, Mark gets whipped to ropes, Rosey tries for the back body drop, nope, Mark scouts it and issues the standard issue boot to the face. Single-arm DDT follows, Rosey gets dropped for 2. Mark gets to his feet, locks in an armbar and makes the tag, Garrison enters, he connects with a boot to the outstretched arm as his partner exits. Rosey slowly gets to his feet, Garrison goes back to work on the arm, Rosey drops to a seated position, armdrag sends Garrison flying to his own corner. Tag is made to Mark, he immediately goes back to the arm, Rosey somersaults through, boot to the face sends Mark back first to the canvas. Rosey rolls to Superhero corner, tag is finally made to Hurricane. He and Mark charge simultaneously, Hurricane connects with a flying clothesline, Mark down and up quickly. Running forearm to the face sends him right back down, Garrison (who’d been prone in the corner) staggers up, dropkick convinces him he’s better off on his back in the corner. Mark up, Hurricane tries for a kick to the gut, Mark catches the boot, whips the leg, sets for a back suplex, Hurricane thwarts the attempt with a springboard cross body, Mark down for 2. Both men up, Hurricane sets for the whip, Mark reverses, Hurricane to corner, Mark charges into a shoulder, he staggers as Hurricane climbs to a top turnbuckle. Flying neckbreaker takes Mark down, Hurricane covers, boot to the back from Garrison breaks up the pinfall attempt before the count of 3. Rosey enters untagged, forearm to the face and kick to the back sends Garrison rolling out of the ring. Ref escorts Rosey to his corner, Mark gets to his knees as Hurricane signals for the Shining Wizard, not today, sneaky ol’ Garrison re-enters and flattens the Superhero with a forearm to the back. Mark covers as his partner bails, ref breaks off from his escort duties to count the 1-2-3.

Winners: Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak.

Al reminds us that tonight’s Main Event will see Heat’s (self-proclaimed) General Manager Steven Richards going one on one with Scott Steiner. Break.

(Speaking of Big Poppa, he’ll be jobbi-sorry, taking on Bill Goldberg tomorrow night. Commercial sez so!)

We return to video from last Monday’s Raw. Coach was in the ring with World Champion HHH and Shawn Michaels, ostensibly to interview them. Sadly, he didn’t get to say much-Hunter and HBK decided to simply rehash their long history and get in some hype for their upcoming ‘Last Man Standing’ match (scheduled for next Sunday’s Royal Rumble-Hunter’s title will be on the line). Coach’s sole contribution was taking a dose of Sweet Chin Music.

Coach tells Al to quit chuckling as we return to the ring…

2^nd Match: Rico, with Miss Jackie, vs. Tommy Dreamer (w/kendo stick). Referee is Chad Patton. Winner gets a spot in the Royal Rumble.

Decent heat for the colorful duo, surprisingly nice pop for Tommy. Innovator leaves his cane in a corner, bell rings, bit of circling into a lockup, Tommy slaps on a side headlock, Rico powers out, goes behind, hammerlock is applied for about a millisecond, Rico drops to his knees, double leg takedown sends Tommy face first to the canvas. Rico rides him like a horsey, Tommy stonefacedly gets to his feet, Rico prances until staggered by a quick slap to he face. Rico charges in a fit of pique, Tommy casually scoops him up and slams him down. Rico up at ropes, Tommy connects with a running clothesline, Rico flies over the top to land at the base of the entry ramp. Jackie tells him to get his glittery butt back in the ring, Rico uses the ropes to haul himself up on the apron, Tommy charges the ropes, snapback effect sends Rico flying back in, he lands on his back in the center of the ring. Tommy goes for his cane, Jackie fights him for it, Rico gets to his feet and connects with a forearm to the back of the neck. Rico grabs Tommy’s head, falls backward to the canvas, Tommy’s shoulders get sent hard into Rico’s raised knees. Tommy crawls to a corner, Rico lays in the boots, hauls him up, pair of forearm shots leave Tommy staggering. Rico scores with the old-school body slam, follows up by grabbing the legs, crotches are ground together (yecchh), Tommy disgustedly gets his shoulders off the canvas before the count of 3. Rico lays in a choke on the ropes, gets dragged off when he refuses to break, Jackie climbs on the apron as the ref is distracted, Tommy gets Bronskied.

(Bit of explanation. The ‘Bronski’, a move commonly seen in strip joints, involves a young lady rubbing her yobboes in a patron’s face. Effects are rumored to be devastating.)

Tommy gets to his feet in a bit of a daze, Rico sets for the whip, Tommy puts on the brakes, spinebuster sends Rico to the canvas, Tommy down also. Rico gets to his feet at the count of 4, Tommy fires off shots to the gut as he staggers up, open hand to the side of the face sends Rico down. Up quickly, Rico tries for the kick to the gut, Tommy catches the boot, scores with the inverted Atomic Drop, Sidewalk Slam follows, Rico down for 2. Both men up, Rico gets whipped to a corner, Tommy charges, Rico gets a boot up to the face, Tommy staggered. Rico ascends 2^nd turnbuckle, drops the double axehandle, Tommy sidesteps, pair of forearms to the face send Rico to the mat. Tommy covers, ref goes to make the count, Jackie drapes Rico’s boot over the bottom rope before the count of 3. Ref calls for the break, Tommy hauls Jackie up on the apron, Rico charges, Tommy sees him out of the corner of his eye, sidesteps, Rico puts on the brakes to avoid clobbering his valet, Tommy goes behind, rollup gets a quick 2. Both men up, Tommy sets or the whip, Rico reverses, Tommy goes off ropes, Rico sets for the rebound back body drop, Tommy scouts it and goes for an impromptu DDT. Rico shakes him off, Tommy gets backed to the ropes STRAIGHT into a kendo stick shot from Jackie. Rico connects with a lightning-quick spinkick, Tommy down, Rico covers, gets all 3.

Winner and Royal Rumble bound: Rico.

Bit of Main Event hype precedes a break.

Coach and Al return to recap Raw. Last Monday Matt Hardy, after claiming that Stone Cold Steve Austin was behind his recent lack of airtime, insisted on being granted a match. This brought out the Rattler, who indicated he’d be quite happy to oblige personally. Matt balked, claiming he wanted to face someone he’d never wrestled before. Austin then invited any wrestler in the back-who had never competed with Matt previously-to head out to the ring. Challenge was accepted by former WCW/WWE Champion Bill Goldberg. Modified squash saw Goldberg getting the win after the Spear & Jackhammer. Post-match Bill announced he was ‘back’ (from his Eric Bischoff-ordered deactivation) and that he would be competing in-and winning-the Royal Rumble.

Coach reminds us that at the Rumble the Dudley Boyz will be getting a shot at Batista & Ric Flair’s World Tag Team Championships in a ‘tables match’. Break.

Sting of the Night: From last Monday, Booker T gets a DQ win over Kane. Post-match the Book endured a massive beatdown that ended with a Tombstone Piledriver.

Straight back to work…

3^rd Match: Rob Conway, with René Dupree, vs. Spike Dudley. Referee is Jack Doan.

Big heat for La Resistance, very nice pop for Spike. As the youngest Dudley makes his way down, video rolls from 4 months ago-we see Spike nearly being crippled when an attempt (by René and his then-partner Sylvan Grenier) to throw him through a table went horribly short.

Back to the here and now. Bell rings, Rob immediately goes for the lockup, Spike ducks under and slaps on a side headlock. Rob forces Spike to ropes, breaks free, Spike is shot to opposite ropes, Rob sends him to the canvas with a shoulder block as he rebounds. Rob follows up with an elbow drop, Spike rolls clear, both men up quickly. Spike takes Rob to the canvas with a springboard headlock takedown, just gets 2. Spike maintains the headlock, Rob gets to his feet, Spike is again forced to the ropes and shot to the opposite side of the ring. Rob drops to the canvas, Spike leaps over him as he rebounds, Rob gets to his feet as Spike goes off opposite ropes. Rob tries for what looks like a Thesz press, Spike counters with an inverted Atomic Drop. Rob shuffles toward a corner, Spike sets for the Dudley Dog-no, he instead scores with another springboard headlock takedown, good for 2. Headlock is maintained, Rob slowly gets to his feet, elbows out, Spike is sent off ropes, no rebound, he hangs onto top rope. Rob charges, Spike backdrops him over the top to the outside. In a rage René climbs up on the apron, ref tells him to get lost, he complies and rolls Rob in after a whisper in his ear. Rob begs off in the corner (gotta love that old-school heel stuff), Spike listens attentively, then flattens him with a standing dropkick. His trademark ‘tapdance on the chest’ follows, Spike backs off as Rob slowly gets to his feet. Spike approaches, ducks a forearm to the face, sets for the Dudley Dog, Rob easily wriggles free, Spike charges hard into a corner and drops back first to the canvas. Rob lays in the boots, ref hauls him off as Spike rolls to the outside. René gets in his shots behind the ref’s back, he slams Spike’s head into the apron before rolling him in. Rob goes for the quick cover, just gets 2. Spike gets hauled up and whipped off the ropes, René flattens him with a back elbow as he rebounds. Rob drops a pair of elbows, covers-sorry pal, you just get 2. Rob gets another pair of 2 counts, becomes frustrated, hauls Spike up by the hair, snapmare sends him to a seated position, Rob goes behind and vices the head. Spike slowly gets to his feet, elbows out, goes off the ropes, ducks under a clothesline, goes off opposite ropes, headscissors takedown sends Rob rolling to the outside. René goes to check on him as Spike ascends a top turnbuckle, suicide dive leaves all 3 men down on the ringside mats. Spike rolls Rob in, again goes up top, Rob gets to his feet and fires off a straight punch, Spike gets crotched on the top turnbuckle. Rob joins him, sets for superplex, Spike fires off forearms to the gut, no effect, chomp on the forehead works just fine, Rob gets dropped to the canvas. Spike flies, lands feet first on Rob’s chest. Ouch. Spike does his King Kong bit, hauls Rob up, prepares for the Dog when distracted by René on the apron. Rob goes for the blind charge, Spike ducks under a clothesline attempt and gets a rollup for 2. Spike gets kicked to ropes, takes a stiff forearm to the face from René on the outside. Spike staggers up, Rob sets for a suplex-no, he drops Spike gut first onto top rope, modified swinging neckbreaker follows immediately (Al referred to the combination move as the Whiplash), Spike down and apparently out, Rob covers for the easy 1-2-3.

Winner: Rob Conway.

Post-match La Res celebrate. No dancing from René tonight. Break.

(Commercial paid for by ‘the friends and supporters of Randy Orton’ makes fun of Mick Foley. By the way, Randy Orton sucks.)

Coach and Al return for more Raw recap. Last Monday’s Main Event saw Rob Van Dam getting a shot at Orton’s Intercontinental Championship. Match seemed to be nothing more than an afterthought for the self-proclaimed Legend Killer-he seemed far more interested in trying to goad Mick into showing up at Raw. Sadly he never did, though Randy was kind enough to buy him a ringside seat. After (I grudgingly have to admit) a very good match, Randy got the win to retain after a vicious pulling DDT out of a corner.

Coach and Al take a few verbal shots at the REAL Hardcore Legend before our final break.

Digital Play of the Night: From the Raw of 2 weeks past, Steven Richards picks up a win over Test. Post-match Steven’s close friend, the lovely and talented Victoria, took a Big Boot from the Bucktoothed Bonehead.

Main Event…

4^th Match: Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards. Referee is Earl Hebner.

Interesting-Big Poppa gets the cheers, Steven gets mostly boos. Bell rings, trash talk and circling to start, we go to the lockup, Scott slaps on an arm-wringer, fireman’s carry takedown sends Steven to the canvas. Scott lays in some slaps to the back of the head, attempts to keep the action mat-based, Steven wisely crawls to the ropes, ref calls for the break. Scott gets in a bit of choking before a belly to belly throw, Steven gets planted, Scott continues his (pardon the cliché) ground and pound strategy, Steven takes a flurry of elbows to the back and forearms to the face. Scott gets to his feet for a bit of posing, Steven takes a boot to the ribs as he wobbles up at the ropes. Scott keeps the initiative with a chop to the chest and a forearm to the back of the neck, Steven appears near death as he drops to his knees in a corner. Scott props him up, whips him off ropes, Steven gets clotheslined out of his boots as he rebounds. Scott drops the arrogant elbow, covers, Steven SOMEHOW kicks out at 2. Scott does the pushups, hauls Steven up by the hair, sets for a running powerslam, Steven floats over, Scott gets (rather gently) pushed to the ropes. Scott charges, Steven scoops him up and hotshots him onto the top rope. Scott staggers backwards, Steven rolls him up, just gets 2 (damn). Both men up, Scott connects with a kneelift, Novocain follows, my man Steven eats canvas, Scott turns him over and makes the cover, 1-2-3.

Winner: Scott Steiner.