Pyros go, Coach and Al welcome us in, we get straight to work…

1^st Match: Lance Storm (w/2 unidentified young ladies) vs. Matt Hardy v1.0 (Matt Facts: He prefers window seating on airplanes and has never lost his credit card.) Referee is Jack Doan.

Decent pop for Lance, mixed but loud response for the Sensei of Mattitude. Bell rings, circling into a lockup, Matt slaps on an armbar into a hammerlock, Lance counters with a running armdrag, Matt flies through the ropes to the outside. Lance follows up with a suicide plancha, both men go down at ringside. Matt gets rolled in, Lance attempts to follow, Matt tries to cut him off but takes a shoulder to the gut. Lance springs to the top rope, flying sunset flip sends Matt down for 2. Lance gets to his feet, from a kneeling position Matt fires off a shot to the gut, then tosses him through the ropes to the apron. Lance attempts to get to his feet, Matt connects with a forearm to the side of the head, then whips him into a ring post. Lance drops to the ringside mats, Matt immediately rolls him back in, Lance gets hauled to his feet, Matt scores with a suplex, just gets 2. Matt gets to his feet, slaps on a surfboard, Lance struggles up and frees himself with a knee to the gut. Chinbuster follows, Matt slowly goes off ropes, Lance blocks a forearm and fires off 3 of the same to the chest and face. Lance sets for the whip, Matt goes off ropes, Lance connects with a back elbow as he rebounds. Matt down and up quickly, Lance keeps up the pressure with a running clothesline, Matt returns to the canvas. Lance hauls him up at the ropes, again whips him to opposite, flying leg lariat on the rebound sends Matt down for 2. Lance hauls Matt up, sets for the whip into the corner, Matt reverses, Lance puts on brakes before going into ‘buckles and springboards over Matt as he charges in. Matt tries for the Side Effect out of nowhere, Lance counters with an elbow to the side of the head, Matt gets draped over his shoulders, steamroller by Lance gets 2. Both men up slowly, Matt backs to ropes, Lance again tries for the whip, Matt puts on the brakes, Side Effect works this time but still just gets 2. Matt ascends 2^nd turnbuckle, Lance rolls clear of the yodeling legdrop, Matt to canvas, Lance somersaults over and rolls him up for 2. Both men up, Matt goes down to a clothesline, Lance ascends top turnbuckle, Matt springs to his feet and connects with a forearm to the top of the head, Lance gets crotched up top. Matt joins him, sets for the top rope Twist of Fate, Lance fires off a pair of forearms to the gut that send him back first to the canvas. Lance goes back up top, Matt ducks under the missile dropkick, Lance to canvas. Both men stagger up, Matt goes for it all, Twist of Fate connects, Lance down for all 3. Real good no-b.s. match.

Winner: Matt Hardy v1.0.

Before the match began Coach informed us that tonight’s Main Event will see Lance’s frequent partner Val Venis Taking on Intercontinental Championship Randy Orton in a non-title match. Break.

Wrestlemania Rewind: From WM12, Shawn Michaels rappels to the ring from the roof of the arena.

Coach and Al return to recap last Monday’s Raw. Show featured Rob Van Dam vs. Mark Henry in a match to determine the #1 contender for Orton’s IC title. Rob appeared to get the DQ win after a blatant chairshot. However, Mark’s manager and Raw General Manager of the Night (long story) Theodore Long quickly used his power to declare the match a no-DQ affair. Stipulation ended up backfiring badly-after a restart RVD went hardcore on Mark, and after some nice stiff kicks got the win with the 5 Star Frog Splash. Match also feature Raw’s new sheriff (even longer story) Stone Cold Steve Austin chasing Mr. Long to the backstage area on an ATV. Post-match Theo ended up taking the inevitable Stunner.

Orton vs. Venis hype precedes a break.

WWE Rewind: From last Monday, Stone Cold announces at the Royal Rumble HBK will get a shot at HHH’s World Championship in a ‘Last Man Standing’ match. Pedigree to Shawn followed.

Back to the ring…

2^nd Match: Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade vs. Matt ‘Bob Holly’s favorite wrestler’ Cappotelli & John ‘Damn, do I look a lot like Steven Richards’ Hennigan (latter team were the co-winners on Tough Enough 3). Referee is Chad Patton.

Crowd pretty quiet for both teams. Matt and Garrison start, bell rings, we go to the lockup, Garrison takes Matt to the canvas with a headlock takedown. Hold is maintained, Matt quickly frees himself with a headscissors, both men get to their feet. Matt gets the side headlock, Garrison tries to slam his way out, Matt maintains the hold, we go 1 for 1 on headlock takedowns. Matt powers out, both men spring to their feet, more circling into another lockup, Garrison slaps on an arm-wringer and makes the tag to Mark. Garrison exits as Mark takes over on the arm, tag is again made, Garrison goes up top and drops an elbow on Matt’s outstretched arm. Mark exits, Garrison wrenches the arm, sets for the whip, Matt goes off ropes, ducks under a clothesline, goes off opposite ropes, takes Garrison to the canvas with a flying cross body, good for 1. Both men up, Garrison goes right back to work on the arm, Matt drops to his knees, schoolboy rollup gets 2. Garrison up first, Matt takes a straight punch to the face before being hauled to his feet. Garrison again goes for the whip, John makes the hot tag as his partner hits the ropes, Matt ducks under Garrison’s legs, he turns to face as John comes in, Garrison gets rolled up for 2 as Matt exits. Up, John ducks under a lockup, goes behind, slaps on the side headlock, Garrison easily wriggles free, John is shot to ropes, Garrison connects with a back elbow as he rebounds, John to canvas. Tag is made to Mark, Garrison shoots John into the arms of his partner, backbreaker gets 2. Garrison exits, Mark sets for a slam, John backflips behind him, Mark misses with a clothesline, John goes off ropes, nice looking hurricanrana takes Mark down. Matt gets the tag, he and his partner go for the double-team whip, Mark goes off ropes straight into the 2-man hiptoss. TE3 boys simultaneously kip up, John exits as Matt drops the leg and covers for 2. Mark up at ropes, Matt whips him to opposite, Mark ducks under a clothesline as he rebounds, goes off opposite ropes, Matt gets FLATTENED via clothesline, he flies under the bottom rope to the outside. Mark immediately hauls him back in, cover is made, just gets 2. Matt gets hauled up, tag is made to Garrison, Mark exits as his partner scores with a kick to Matt’s weakened arm. Forearms and kicks to the arm follow, Matt crawls to a neutral corner as Mark gets tagged back in. Garrison again grabs the arm, Mark gets in a headbutt to same as his partner exits. Matt crawls toward John, Mark cuts him off and wrenches the arm as Matt fires off ineffectual forearms to the face. Matt gets shot to the ropes, Mark sets for the back body drop, hey even rookie Matt is hep to that old ploy, he puts on the brakes and connects with a boot to the face. Mark staggered, Matt charges, Mark not so staggered, he catches Matt in mid-air as he tries for…something, Mark scores with the inverted Atomic Drop, he attempts to follow up with a back suplex, Matt floats through, lands on his feet and makes the tag to John. Matt rolls out as his partner springboards over the top rope, Mark goes down to a leg lariat, Garrison comes in untagged, John makes him regret his cheating ways with a standing dropkick, one for Mark follows, he goes down as Garrison gets to his feet at the ropes. John sets for the whip, Garrison reverses, Mark goes off ropes, Garrison goes down to a flying pair of forearms as he rebounds. Mark up groggily, John connects with a rabbit kick and an enzugiri, Mark drops, John covers, Garrison breaks it up with a kick to the head before the count of 3. Matt comes in untagged, Garrison goes down to another pair of flying forearms (AKA the Flying Burrito-thanks Al). Garrison rolls out, Matt gets in a forearm shot to the side of Mark’s head before the ref shoos him back to his corner. Behind his back Mark scoops John up onto his shoulders, Garrison helps his partner hotshot him face first onto the top rope, John falls like a sack of bricks, Mark covers, 1-2-3. Very good effort by both teams.

Winners: Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak.

Bit of Main Event hype precedes a break.

Digital Play of the Night: From last Monday, World Tag Team Champions Ric Flair & Batista beat the hell out of all 3 Dudley brothers.

Coach and Al return for more Raw recap. Main Event saw Bubba Ray & D-Von getting a chance at some revenge for the beatdown earlier in a match for the tag titles. As pretty much expected HHH proved the difference maker, his distraction of the ref helped his Evolution cronies pick up the win to retain. Post-match Hunter went to check on the downed Nature Boy, but quickly joined him on the mat after HBK ran in and scored with a superkick.

Hype for HBK vs. HHH at the Rumble leads into our final break.

(Commercial paid for ‘by the friends and supporters of Randy Orton’ brands Mick Foley a coward. Kick his butt Val.)

Main Event…

3^rd Match: Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton vs. Val Venis. Mike Chioda referees this non-title match.

HUGE heat for Randy, decent pop for Val. Pre-match footage from last Monday rolls-in an effort to suck up to Mr. Long (and to further establish himself as the ‘Legend Killer’), Randy hit Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler with the RKO. Bell rings, circling into a lockup, Randy slaps on the side headlock, he breaks off, goes behind, sweep of the leg sends Val face first to the canvas. Randy goes back to the headlock, Val escapes, slaps on a hammerlock, both men get to their feet, Randy grabs Val’s leg out from under him, he falls to the canvas, Randy tries to lock on a spinning toe hold, Val escapes by kicking him into a corner. Val springs to his feet, Randy charges RIGHT into an armdrag, both men down and up, Randy blocks a hiptoss but goes down to another armdrag into an armbar. Val keeps up the pressure momentarily by adding a knee to the face, Randy gets hauled up as Val lays in an arm-wringer, Val takes a forearm to the face, hold is broken as he staggers to the ropes. Randy connects with a straight punch to the gut, ref issues a warning, Randy sets for the whip, Val reverses, he stays in close as Randy hits the ropes and scores with the knee to the gut. Another whip to ropes/kneelift follows, Val walks Randy to the center of the ring, sweeps the leg, Randy goes back first to the canvas. Val locks in a submission hold referred to by Al as the Octopus, Randy gets his foot on the ropes, ref calls for the break. Both men up, we go to circling, another lockup, Randy scores with a headlock takedown, hold is maintained as both men drop to the canvas, Randy gets Val’s shoulders down for 2. Val powers out, gets to his feet, drops a pair of springboard knees to the shoulder. Val positions Randy’s arm between his ankles, gyrates, drops backward, Randy goes ‘ARRGGGHH’ as he writhes on the mat in hideous pain. He hauls himself up in a corner as things start getting weird-ref keeps the 2 separated, as it appears Val’s boot has become untied. REAL strange. Val tries to rectify the situation, Randy appears to not appreciate his knotting technique, Val takes a cheap boot to the face that sends him sprawling. Randy hauls him up in a corner, shoots him to opposite, Val braces himself on a turnbuckle as Randy charges in, headbutt appears to have both men KO’ed. We take our OTHER final break.

Back, both men have recovered, Val gets a quick 2 with a backslide. Both men up, Val ducks under a haymaker, forearm shot to the face sends Randy rolling out of the ring to the entry ramp (wimp). Val follows, serves up a pair of chops, forearm to the chest follows, Randy reverses a whip attempt, Val gets sent back first into the ring apron and drops to the mats. Randy hauls him up, Val gets rammed into the apron and drops to his knees. Randy rolls him in, follows, Val gets to his feet, Randy scores with an uppercut that backs him into a corner. Val gets whipped hard into opposite corner, he goes face first to the canvas as Randy takes an ill-advised pose break. New Hardcore Legend (my ass) engages in the time-honored tradition of kicking the man when he’s down, ref hauls him off after 5 straight boots to the gut. Val stays down, Randy goes outside, ring post takes the place of his shoulders as he locks Val in a modified Torture Rack, ref again calls for the break. Randy re-enters, Val is hauled up, he fires off desperation forearm shots to the face and gut, kick to the gut sets up a suplex attempt-no luck, looks like the Rack took it’s toll on Val’s back. Randy lands on his feet, Val staggers, Randy’s back appears to be just fine, his back suplex works just fine, thanks very much. Val writhes in pain, Randy goes for the cover-JUST gets 2. Randy appears to be getting frustrated, he drops a pair of elbows to the back before cinching in a rear chinlock. Val struggles up, fires off elbows to the gut, hold is broken but Randy keeps the momentum with a forearm to the back of the neck. Val gets whipped to the ropes, Randy sets for the rebound back body drop, Val scouts it, sunset flip from outta nowhere gets 2. Both men up, Val connects with a kick to the gut, neckbreaker follows, both men down. They get to their feet as the ref counts 6, Val blocks a pair of punches and scores with a quartet of forearms before getting doubled over via kneelift. Randy goes off ropes, Val summons strength from somewhere, Randy gets flattened by a desperation clothesline. He gets up slowly, Val sends him right back down with a back elbow. Randy gets hauled up at the ropes, he reverses a whip attempt, Val to opposite ropes, Randy goes down to a shoulder charge. Both men up, Randy appears groggy, Val whips him to ropes, back body drop works for a change, Randy gets a nice bit of air before flopping to the canvas. Randy up on spaghetti legs, Val sets for his half nelson slam, Randy elbows out, tries for a whip, Val puts on the brakes, second attempt at the half nelson slam works just great, Randy down for 2. Both men up, Randy utilizes my all-time favorite move, the ol’ thumb to the eye, Val staggered. Randy goes off ropes STRAIGHT into the spinebuster, Val covers for 2. Both men up, Randy connects with a harp kick to the gut, tries for the RKO, Val slips free, Randy rebounds off ropes, Val goes for the kick to the gut, Randy catches the boot, whips the leg, boot to the gut sets up the DDT, Val down, Randy slowly covers, 1, 2, HELL NO! Randy props Val up into a seated position, slaps on a headlock, quick uppercut sends Val backing into a corner-he appears out on his feet. Randy approaches, Val connects with a lightning-quick boot to the face, Randy staggers, Val charges blindly, Randy evades him easily and locks in a sleeper. Val counters with a sit-out powerbomb (again, from straight outta Nowheresville), Randy down for 2. Val gets to his feet, drops a trio of elbows, then checks Randy for signs of consciousness. Liking what he sees, Money Shot is called for, Val goes up top-Randy springs to his feet, straight punches to the gut leaves Val crotched up top. Randy joins him, sets for the superplex, Val fires off a series of punches, shove sends Randy back first to the center of the ring. Val goes back up top, flies, Money Shot is thwarted when Randy gets both knees up to the gut, both men down. They slowly rise, Randy goes for it all, gets it, RKO sends Val down for the 1-2-3. Excellent match, best work I’ve seen from Randy since the RNN days.

Winner: Randy Orton.