Jim Ross Quotes:

(During A Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie Match)
"Not Funk & Wagnal but Chainsaw & Cactus."

(After Vince McMahon was stunned for his second time by Steve Austin)
"If Vince keeps going down, we're gonna have to call this Titanic Sports."

"The Outlaws spend more time on the canvas then Rembrandt."

(During a tag match with Steve Austin)
"Austin attacks D-Lo. No tag, but what the Hell!"

"Sunny reminds me of Will Rodgers: She's never met a man she doesn't like."

"Bam Bam in deep thought: that's a scary thought on its own."

(Talking about Papi Chulo's Fur Coat)
"That's the finest roadkill that money can buy."

(After Jerry Lawler made a comment)
"That's good. I'm glad you shared that with us."

"I wish I had a dollar for every concussion he's had, I colud buy that Oklahoma farm I've been working at."

(Talking about Jerry Lawler)
"Do your lips get chapped from all your corperate butt kissing?"

(Talking to Jerry Lawler)
"Don't talk to me like a jabronie."

(Talking about D'Lo Brown losing the European Championship)
Jerry Lawler: "Berlin, Lisbon, and London are distraught that he isn't the champion."
Jim Ross: "Especially Krakow."

(After Mankind used a chair in his match)
"Mankind McGwire just his 71!"

(Talking about Chyna refereeing)
"She's not the most biast referee--if you smell what I'm cooking."

(Talking about Vince McMahon)
"He could bring a tear to a glass eye."

"We'll focus on the action in the ring with these young superstars, no 45 year old deuling microphones."

Jim Ross: "That Lowblow should be a disqualification."
Jerry Lawler: "I didn't see anything."
Ross: "You never do."

"We don't need an anatomy lesson from the King tonight."

(After Steve Austin smacked Comissioner Slaughter and Gerry Brisco's head together)
"Woah! That's a real meeting of the halfwits."

(After Paul Bearer attacked the Rock with his shoe)
"If the heel don't get you, the smell will."

(proving the Blue Blazer isn't Owen)
"That nose is average sized and Owens isn't."

"Golga hasn't missed any meals on his world buffet tour."

Jerry Lawler "Haven't you retired before?"
Jim Ross "Not on purpose any way."

"That's just as athletic as a cow on ice."

(Talking about the Terry Taylor)
"What are you, the Red Rooster? Are you getting cocky? Are you gonna peck me to death?"

"I heard your favorite queen was RuPaul."

(After Al Snow shot Bob Holly with a fire extinguisher)
"Well, that can't be healthy."

(Talking about Jerry Lawler)
"You don't turn nothing down but the sheets."

Jerry Lawler: " You know what they say about guys with big feet."
Jim Ross: "They have big socks."

Jerry Lawler: "Did you say nosebreaker? What is that not as good as a slobberknocker."
Jim Ross: "No, but it has slobberknocker potential."

Jerry Lawler: "Maybe he can beat some sense into Al Snow."
Jim Ross: "We don't have enough time."

(Talking about the Spanish commentators)
"Our amigos are in trouble, I think they should move out."

(Talking about Debra's outfit)
Jerry Lawler: "That might be my favorite Pay-Per-View attire."
Jim Ross: "What, that 'Don't Piss Me Off' T-Shirt? I can get you one of those."

(Talking about the women's match at Survivor Series 1999)
"Is this match AARP sanctioned?"

(During an evening gown match)
"That is a Greco-Roman Zipper Lock."

(When Viscera got a pin in the Hardcore Battle Royal at WrestleMania 2000)
"For those of you scoring at home and have Viscera in your office pool . . ."

(After the clock dissapeared from the screen at WrestleMania 2000)
"I think the clock got scared."

"This match has bowling shoe potential."

"I'm proud of my Mickey Mouse memorabilia collection, but I didn't bring it out here."

(After Trish Stratus does a bridging move)
"There's one bridge I'm sure you'd like to cross over it again and again."