WWE ARMAGEDDON 2003
TD Waterhouse Center
December 14, 2003
Results courtesy of lordsodpain.net
Mark Henry w/Theodore Long vs. Booker T
The announcers greatly hyped the strength of Mark Henry from the moment he set foot on the ramp. Booker T early on attempted to bombard Henry with punches to no avail. The World's Strongest Man kept Booker T down. Booker quickly began a new game plan, which included a pescado and a missile dropkick in rapid succession. Teddy Long distracted him long enough, however, for Henry to regain control. He would maintain it with a backbreaker and a stretch-style submission maneuver. Booker raked the eyes to escape, but was once more on the unhappy side of offense when Henry placed him on the middle rope and gave him the modified Bossman splash where he slid over his head to the outside. Another submission, a rear headlock, gave Booker T a hope spot that lead to Booker T running right into the Bear Hug. The announcers began talking about the capture of a certain former dictator today, and how Andre the Giant was not as strong as Henry. Booker T would escape the Bear Hug only to eat a vicious clothesline. When Henry attempted a huge leg drop Booker T sat up. The impact of the missed move actually echoed through the surprisingly lively arena. Booker was up first, by was Irish whipped anyway. Spring boarding backwards over Henry he delivered a flying front kick and a arm bar side kick combination one after another while Henry was dazed. An axe kick brought Henry down (sold a moment late) but only scored a two-count. When Mark returned to his feet he gave Booker the Bob Holly style spine buster, which also only scored a two-count. The massive leg drop hit this time, but Henry lacks the Hulkamaniacs to make that a successful finisher and Booker kicked out. A power bomb follow-up was badly botched, where Booker was simply dropped. Returning to his feet after the botched move Booker T kicked Henry in the stomach to double in over. A second, better executed, axe kick would score the pin fall so JR could compare him to our troops in Iraq.
Intercontinental Championship - Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam (C)
Foley would show some old-school officiating by displaying the belt to both competitors and to the crowd before the match start. After psyching Orton out RVD would sweep Orton and sent him to the outside to immediately regroup. Returning to the ring Randy placed RVD in a side headlock that began a decent chain wrestling sequence. RVD back flipped over a back body drop and hit a spin kick and then a drop kick to Orton's gut. A cross body lead to a two count, but a two count only, for the reigning champ. RVD continued the assault, delivering a spin kick that knocked Orton of the ring apron and a cannonball plancha. More near falls, with the champion in complete control, until he went to the top rope and Orton pushed him forward to the guard rail. The challenger followed outside and hitting a standing dropkick which would garner him a string of near falls. Orton began to cheat now, choking Van Dam on the middle rope, but Foley was right there with the count. A second time Foley pulled Orton off and still managed to keep Ric Flair from delivering the cheap shot. Mick went outside to argue with the Legend. Back in the ring, Randy Orton was pounding and picking Rob apart. A running cross body took Orton down, but he answered right back with stiff clotheslines. JR mentioned that no IC Champ has ever retained at Armageddon. Snap Mare take down lead up to a dropkick to RVD's face. At this point I believe I have Orton down for six headlocks in this match. Bread and butter RVD, with the scoop slam into the Split Legged moonsault for two. Orton set RVD up for a power bomb and then neck dropped him straight down. More headlocks than you can shake a stick at, I swear! A jumping spin drop kick to Randy's throat put both competitors down, but Foley forget to count. The crowd didn't, however, when Rob put him to the corner for the ten punches. RVD began his assault, utilizing half of the moves he knows including a monkey flip, a Northern Lights Suplex into a bridge and the twirling leg drop from the apron over the guard rail. When going back into the ring Orton grabbed RVD midway through the ring and gave delivered an amazing DDT while Rob's legs were suspended on the second rope. Rob came back quickly from that maneuver, hitting the other half of his arsenal including step-over spin kicks and rolling thunder. Flair attempted to interfere twice and ate a knuckle sandwich each time. While Foley dealt with Flair Orton crotched Rob on the top and hit the RKO for the pin, which Mick begrudgingly counted. Orton celebrated in the ring with his new strap following the win. JR actually compared the RKO to the Stunner.
Battle of the Sexes - Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Lita and Trish Stratus
Did you know that Eric Bischoff is like Saddam Hussein? Thanks for the factoid JR! Yes, they both need a bath - I know. Proving my theory that WWE entrances take too long JR and the King had enough time to compare this Battle of the Sexes to the famous tennis match of the same name. Starting the match Jericho tried to talk to Chris, but when he touched her chin she slapped him. Jericho refused to fight back, only defending himself. When he caught her cross body he did give her a spanking but let go to announce he didn't want this. Trish took advantage of Jericho and hit her offense, which Chris bumped around for like a madman. Christian tagged himself in and pushed Trish down like... well like a large man pushing a women down. Lita tagged in, to the delight of the Chaotic Evil Wonder Twin. He grabbed her hands like every abusive boyfriend but Lita head butted him. Playing the fox Lita picked and moved, evading and countering Christian to actually get a near fall. When it looked like she was in complete control Jericho hit her in the back while she ran the ropes. Christian body slammed her, and tagged in his apparently Chaotic Neutral partner who did the same. She tried to do the same attack plan that worked with Christian, but he began working on her hair. Christian tagged in and also attacked the hair. Then he hit below...err, above the belt by ripping off Lita's top while she sobbed and taunted her with it. A low blow gave her time to tag in Trish, who also was able to evade Christian's attacks and cause him to fly outside on his own charge. Jericho was on the top and was nearly taken ff with a head scissors, but pushed Trish off of him. Christian came in and once more charges Trish, who bended backwards under the attack. That caused the rather inept Christian to run into Jericho, knocking him off the apron. Trish rolled Christian up but was unable to get the hand to slap down a third time. Seemingly tired of the game Christian gave her a clothesline, but turned directly into a top rope Litacanrana. Jericho pulled Lita out of the ring though, and threw her into the guard rail. Rolling into the ring Jericho helped Trish up, and stared at her without attack. Christian seized the opportunity of Trish and Jericho's staring into one anotherís eyes and rolled the third Canadian Blonde in the ring up for the victory. Afterward the Christian celebrated, with Jericho looking fairly dismayed over the whole thing. The two left the ring in their respective states of emotion.
Shawn Michaels vs. Batista w/Ric Flair
Michaels played Trish and Lita here, picking and moving with the monster. The monster caught him though, and began pounding him. Shawn slid under a kick to the outside, decking Ric Flair for good measure. Batista stalled outside for a bit with Flair before returning to the ring to pound Michaels some more. He couldn't hit any power moves, though, as Shawn kept slipping free. Still, Batista remained in control with clotheslines and until he could finally hit a suplex. From here Batista work over the back of HBK; mostly with Irish whips and forearms. He attempted a belly to back Superplex but was knocked off. Still up top Michaels waited until his opponent stood to give him a moonsault. Both men were down, and this referee remembered his count. Michaels nipped up, but Batista clothesline him down. Batista threw Michaels outside and then into the ring steps with another Irish whip. More attacks to the back of HBK, with a backbreaker submission. Michaels trued to come back with a chop fest, which he actually was able to out-slap the big member of Evolution. Batista went for a Baldo-Bomb, but Michaels reversed it into a DDT. The crowd began to feel it as Shawn went to the top and delivered the elbow drop. That could only mean one thing and soon HBK was tuning up the band for Sweet Chin Music, only to be caught and given a pair of spine busters in successions. Batista went for a power bomb after the spine busters but The Heartbreak Kid hopped off his shoulders and delivered the super kick out of no where. After the match Flair helped a confused, and then angered, Batista to his feet.
Maven vs. Matt Hardy
Maven's music hit for his match with Matt Hardy, which was announced on heat, but Batista refused to leave the ring in his anger. When Matt came down he was still there, so they fought briefly to the outside. As soon as possible the afterthought of Mattitude threw Maven into the ring where Batista tore him apart with power bombs. Batista would finally leave, and the referee would declare the match could not take place. Matt Version 1.0 would become livid at the match not taking place and would splash Maven and pin the winner of Tough Enough, counting the pin himself and announcing the "Win" himself.
World Tag-Team Championship - Tag Team Turmoil
La Resistance and Rosey and the Hurricane started us off. Hurricane badly screwed up a springboard plancha almost immediately, but appeared unhurt. As the Frenchman worked over the Green Lantern JR and King mused whether or not France should be allowed to bid for contracts in Iraq, to the audible sighs of the reporter. Helms hit the X-Factor to tag in S.H.I.T. who barreled over the cheese-eating surrender monkeys. Hurricane stood on Rosey's shoulders as he sat on the top rope and splashed his way to victory. Jindrak and Cade's music hit, and they ran in from the audience and rolled Helms up (tights in hand) for a quick elimination. Lance Storm and Val Venis entered with ladies in tow. Jindrak and Val ran around the ring, occasionally actually hitting the other. Lance came in, and proceeded to work over Cade. The crowd began chanting boring as the two traded submission locks. Storm grabbed Cade's arm, stood on the rope and black flipped over. He went to the well again, and ate a fist full of Jindrak for his mistake. Val got the tag though, and came in a house of fire to work over both of the odd couple at once. A Blue Thunder power bomb only got two. When going for a suplex Cade tripped Val so Jindrak landed on top, and held the leg down to eliminate Val and Lance. The Dudleyz were next, who injected some much needed life into the crowd. Initially the Duds would control the pace, but Devon would get caught in the wrong corner of the young cheaters. Bubba came in and the two wrecked house together of course. After numerous near falls Cade would get thrown to the outside which enabled a 3D to eliminate Cade and Jindrak. Falling the fall they attacked and apparently hurt the Dudley Boyz. Next up was Test and Scott Steiner, who are no longer with Stacey apparently. With the Dudleyz injured the two would easily be able to out power and suplex the Tag Champs, especially Bubba, at will. When a suplex was attempted though, Bubba fought out and pushed Test down. Then something amazing happened, he hit the Senton Bomb! Devon got the hot tag off the Senton and entered to attack both Test and Steiner. They eventually overwhelm him though and begin running him through both their move sets. No matter what neither could get the pin, even with Test using the ropes as leverage. Discouraged with this Test hit Devon with the chair while the ref could clearly see him. Bubba broke up the tag and gave Test a Bubba Bomb for the elimination. As Lillian was announcing their victory Bischoff's music hits and he enters the arena. As the Dudley Boyz rolled around in exhaustion and pain he announced the final team of Batista and Ric Flair. From the moment the final team entered they dominated the weakened Dudley Boyz. Batista hit the sit-out power bomb for the victory.
Women's' Championship - Molly Holly (C) vs. Ivory
Filler match of the year. Of course, Molly Holly is sexually frustrated according to the announcers; or maybe she is simply irregular. It is a good thing the women can wrestle so well otherwise I might fast forward through this match. Actually, it doesn't matter that they wrestle so well, because I still fast forwarded through the match. Hmm... My ESP kicked in. I had a dream I was watching this match on my computer. Anyway! Molly exposed the turnbuckle, but Ivory blocked the face smash and would reverse it. Still, Molly got the pin after rolling over the pin. Yeah...
Triple Threat World Heavyweight Championship - Kane vs. Triple H vs. Goldberg (C)
Hunter looks like he's had one too many YJ Stinger's these days. I guess they are trying to make people believe that HHH is going to win this match, so Evolution can hold all the gold. Three-way stare down, where both competitors wondered who would begin, started the match. Hunter taunted Goldberg, but backed away. Kane came forward, so Triple H could get behind him. Kane and Hunter worked together on Goldberg. It was a short-lived partnership, with Kane turning on Hunter. Goldberg took his chance and power slam Kane down, but he sat up. Kane man-handled the champion while the Game hid outside. He came in hen Bill took the advantage but was suplexed down. Kane went to the top but Goldberg sloppily slammed him off. Hunter tried to attack from behind but Goldberg sloppily powers lamed him as well. I tried my hand but was sloppily power slammed. As doing me in he went to spear Kane, and ate the boot to the face. Once again Kane and Hunter were working together on Goldberg again. When Hunter went for a pin their friendship ended quickly enough. Before they could come to blows Goldberg was revived, and he threw Hunter (Who must be very hurt to hide outside the whole match) out. Kane was about to hit the choke slam but Hunter accidentally hit him with a steel chair. Goldberg beat on Hunter and went to break his leg with the chair him but Kane returned to throw him outside and fight him there. I love how the announcers are out on the ramp, but the Spanish announcers remain ringside. Goldberg had fought back and was about to suplex Kane through the table but Hunter stopped him with a chair. Kane Choke-slammed the champ but the table didn't budge an inch. So Hunter laid him atop of it, climbing the guard rail to elbow drop him through it properly. HHH grabbed a chair, but Kane was wary. Triple H actually hid the chair behind him. Kane turned away so Hunter through him into the steel steps, but couldn't hit the pedigree. Kane chased HHH back in and worked over the eight time champion with everything he had. Went he went looking for the choke slam Triple H put a thumb in the burned boy's eye. A DDT couldn't keep the monster down and after sitting up Kane was on his feet. Kane too looks a little pudgy. Hunter ran, but Kane caught him and choke slammed him on the steel ramp. He carried Hunter back to the ring, and got in just in time to get speared. All three members were down and Bill covered Kane so Hunter could break it up. All standing the three traded punches. The heels worked together again, but Goldberg could not be denied. He speared Kane again, and gave Hunter one as well. Evolution ran down but Goldberg left them lying. The time prevented anything but a two counter on Hunter since Kane was able to break it up. Goldberg and Kane tried to choke one another out but Hunter broke it up and Evolution pulled the Big Red Machine out of the ring. While Batista restrained Kane HHH pinned a crotched Goldberg.