WWE BACKLASH 2006
April 30, 2005
CHRIS MASTERS vs. CARLITO
They yelled at each other to start the match. Masters choked Carlito with his t-shirt. Masters dominated offense for the first seven minutes. Carlito made a comeback and hit a dropkick on Masters. When he made the cover, the ref counted to two, but at three the ref stopped even though Masters forgot to raise his shoulder. It looked bad and the crowd booed. Ross said Masters appeared to fall asleep at the wheel. Masters then came back and went for a Master Lock. Carlito slipped out of it by crashing Masters forward into the corner turnbuckle, then gave him a knee driver to the back and scored the pin with his feet on the middle ropes for leverage.
-Maria backstage said, mistakenly (on purpose, presumably) that Masters won the match. Then she introduced clips of fans predicting a winner for the WWE Title match. Nobody picked Edge. They went back to Maria. Lita bumped into Maria and said, with a demeaning imitation Southern accent, that she and Edge don't care what those Roscoe P. Coltrane fans think. Lita said she's kept her mouth shut long enough. Maria said she's heard Lita keeps her mouth open. Lita said the fans can laugh now, but she's be laughing when Edge wins the WWE Title. Lita said when they win, they aren't going to have a public sex celebration, but they will have a private sex party, "because unlike these people, I actually get some." That was about as clunky and ill-timed as Masters vs. Carlito. Lita's mind seemed to be somewhere else, or it seemed like it was her first time ever on TV.
UMAGA (w/Armando Alejandro Estrada) vs. RIC
Umaga met Flair in the aisle and took the fight to him. They entered the ring where Flair fought back with chops. Umaga brushed them off and went for a running butt splash in the corner. Umaga charged Flair at ringside, but Flair moved and Umaga ran into the corner post. Flair chopped Umaga, then tossed him into the ring. Umaga fought back, hung Flair upside down in the corner, and gave him a running knee to the chest. He followed with the butt splash in the corner and a flying headbutt off the second rope. He then gave Flair the spike to the throat and scored the clean win.
-Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon chatted about their match. Shane seemed to be embarrassed by his dad. Vince poured water on the floor, then walked on it, then declared to Shane that he can walk on water. Vince threw some bread and then suddenly bread and fish began to be thrown back at him. He said it was an omen. He looked at the fish in his hands and said, "Holy mackerel." Shane rolled his eyes. Ross asked, "Can it get any more bizarre." Lawler said Vince can forgive his own sins.
MICKEY JAMES vs. TRISH STRATUS --
Women's Title Match
Mickey dominated the match. When Trish made a comeback, she punched Mickey din the corner. Mickey knocked her off the top rope. Trish extended her right arm to break her fall, but her arm seemingly either broke or dislocated. Trish held her right arm for the last few minutes, selling an arm injury. Mickey then choked her and didn't break at the five count, so the ref DQ'd her. Lawler pointed out that Trish's right arm seemed damaged. They replayed her fall and it looked pretty ugly. Trish had the wherewithal to trash-talk Mickey as Mickey walked away from the ring with the belt.
-Maria corrected herself for saying Carlito lost earlier. Michaels said he doesn't like to shove his Christianity down people's throats, but the Lord is always with him. He said he is going to do what He expects him to do, which is use his abilities he was given to the maximum. He said even though it's two on one, he'll bring the McMahons to the knees. He said he'll have Vince crying unto God, or maybe not, but in that case, he and Lexington have two words for him. He then walked away. The crowd didn't shout "Suck it!" which may have been what was expected.
SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. ROB VAN DAM -- IC Title
vs. Money in the Bank
Lawler said Mama Benjamin is still recovering from surgery. Lawler joked about the Raw skit mocking Ross's surgery. "Was that good television or what?" said Ross, dripping with sarcasm. A small "ECW, ECW" chant broke out. A few minutes into the match, Shelton avoided a Rolling Thunder, then sunset flipped RVD off the apron to the floor. Back in the ring, Shelton applied a chinlock. Lawler said Shelton was giving RVD a chance to recover. Shelton gave RVD a running kneelift, prompting a Mr. Wrestling II reference from Jim Ross. Shelton went into an upper body chinlock. Ross said Iron Sheik is nowhere in sight. Lawler noted Ross was referencing a lot of old wrestlers. Ross said he has a lot of material. Shelton caught RVD in the midst of a Rolling Thunder attempt and then gave him a Samoan drop. Shelton superplexed RVD off the top rope for a two count. Shelton settled into a chinlock at 13:00. RVD kicked Shelton in the face and began a comeback. RVD superkicked Shelton. RVD finally hit the Rolling Thunder for a near fall at 15:00. RVD powerslammed Shelton and then hit a split-legged moonsault for a two count. RVD hit a drop spin wheel kick on Shelton, then went for the Five-Star Frogsplash. Shelton moved and then DDT'd RVD. He was slow to make the cover, and got just a two. He put his feet on the ropes and scored another near fall. They went to ringside and brawled. Shelton brought RVD's briefcase into the ring. Shelton bounced on the top rope and then leaped onto RVD with a bodyblock. He rolled through onto RVD for a near fall. Shelton went for a spin wheel kick. RVD ducked and countered Shelton into a hurricanrana. The ref got knocked down. Shelton tried to use the briefcase, but RVD jump reverse sidekicked the case into Shelton's face. He then hit the Five-Star Frogsplash with a briefcase on Shelton's head and scored the pin.
-Ross and Lawler plugged the Danko Jones CD. Jones did the Backlash theme song.
-A recap aired of the Big Show vs. Kane feud. Show then cut a promo backstage saying he didn't care that Kane had a movie coming out. He said Kane has a problem, but who doesn't have a problem.
BIG SHOW vs. KANE
The opening minutes had all the grace of Al Gore wrestling John Kerry. Kane reversed a Big Show chokeslam attempt into a DDT. Show went for a big boot, but Kane came up short. It showed light. Ross said, "This has not been a pretty match." That's why we love Ross. He finds a way to call it for what it is. Show went for an eye gouge at 7:00. Kane blocked it and poked Show in the eye. Kane then kicked Show to the floor. The lights went out and turned red. A voice said, "May 19th. You know what happened on that date. May 19th. It's happening again." Ross said, "We don't know where the voice is coming from." Kane flailed around in the ring in a panic, trying to cover his ears. Show brought a chair into the ring. The lights were still all red. Kane screamed in agony. Show KO'd Kane with a chairshot. The lights went bright again and the voices stopped. At least Ross didn't say those were the voices in Kane's head we were hearing. Show just walked away from the ring. Kane sat up and began laughing. Lawler said Show knocked Kane's lights back on.
-Candice Michelle walked up to Vince McMahon coughing. He asked for help from him. She put his hand on her head. She said, "It's a chest cold." She talked him into touching under her arms. She screamed and McMahon yelled, "Heal this woman's voluptuous breasts!" Shane called for Vince to head to the ring. He asked what she was doing. He said he was healing Candice. Candice moaned in a mix of agony and ecstasy. That was ridiculous camp. Ross said, "What the hell was that?" That's why we love Ross. He says what viewers are thinking. "The chairman has lost it. If you didn't know it by now, Mr. McMahon has lost it."
-Vince and Shane McMahon walked to the ring for their match. Vince introduced God. The ring intro for God then took place. A spotlight shone and mystical music played. Vince ordered the music to stop. "Listen, God, we're not doing things your way tonight. We're doing it mine. This is not your house, this is mine. You call that an entrance? That's not an entrance. Tonight we're going to do it WWE style." McMahon began "getting jiggy with it" as disco-y music played. Vince ordered the ref to check God for foreign objects. He slapped the ref when the ref looked confused. Vince said on second thought, "bring what you got." He made the match "no holds barred." Shawn Michaels's ring intro then took place. When Michaels got to the ring, Vince said he and his partner God are "going to go straight to hell." Michaels punched McMahon to jump-start the match.
SHANE & VINCE MCMAHON vs. SHAWN MICHAELS
Michaels fended off Shane and then hit a crossbody block onto Vince at ringside. Back in the ring, Michaels punched Shane a few more time. Shane sorta bumped. Michaels clotheslined Shane, who bumped backwards over the top rope; Shane telegraphed it. Michaels flipped onto Shane at ringside, then slapped his chest. Shane surprised Michaels with some knees to the gut and then some punches. Michaels went down. Shane then lifted Shawn for a piledriver. Michaels backdropped out of it. Michaels kicked Vince before he could hit him with a steel chair. Michaels threw Shane into the Backlash stage set. Michaels then hit Vince with a crossbody block of the edge of the stage. They crashed through an area set up for it. Shawn's head hit a two by four when he landed. In a funny touch, there were two doughnuts sitting next to them that workers left behind. Michaels seemed a little shaken from his head hitting the board. Shane hit Michaels with a chair. Michaels came up bleeding. Ross asked how the McMahons, with so much to be thankful for, can conduct themselves like soulless demons. Shane dragged Michaels back to the ring and threw some kicks to his ribs. Shane began dancing and throwing more jabs. Shane missed a top rope elbow. Michaels began a comeback. Vince, for several minutes now, was nowhere to be seen. Then he showed up again. He actually tagged in officially, as if there are rules. Vince whipped Michaels with a belt, then hit him over the head with a trash can. Vince said on the house mic, "What do you think now, God? Look at him. What are you gonna do about it? Come on." He then acted as if God was walking away. "Come back here, God. Look at what you made in your image. He's a piece of crap. God, come back. Ladies and gentleman, God has left the building." He turned to Michaels and said, "You haven't. I'm going to knock your teeth right down your throat." Vince stomped the mat and went for a superkick. Michaels caught his leg. He dropped his leg and punched him. He whipped him into the ropes. Vince reversed him and then hit him with a flying forearm. Shane entered and went to hit Michaels, but Michaels ducked and Vince took the stiff shot to the skull. Shane gasped. Michaels punched Shane and took him down with a flying forearm. He followed with a reverse atomic drop. He followed with a bodyslam and then hit a top rope elbow followed by Sweet Chin Music to Shane (which wasn't crisp) and then Vince. He then did the crotch chop. Lawler said, "There's a little suck it!" Michaels then pulled two tables out from under the ring and slid them into the ring. Michaels set Shane on one, and Vince on the other. Michaels took his time going back to ringside and grabbing a huge ladder. He set it up inside the ring and climbed to the top. Ross said it was at least 20 feet high. That seemed about right. Spirit Squad came to ringside. Michaels saw them and dove onto them at ringside instead. The crowd chanted "Holy sh--!" Michaels was slow to get up. When he did, he had to fend off all five members of the Spirit Squad. Spirit Squad helped the McMahons off of the tables. They slid the ladder out of the ring. The crowd booed. Spirit Squad then threw Michaels into the ring and powerbombed him through the table. Spirit Squad helped Vince up. Vince covered Michaels and the ref counted to three. Ross said, "That's bullsh--!" He then apologized for his language and said it's "horse manure." Lawler said, "We've got the father, the son, and the holy Spirit Squad." They showed Michaels knocked out cold in his dried blood inside the ring.
-Todd Grisham interviewed John Cena backstage.
He said there are fans who want to see Hunter win and others who want to see him
win. He said there will be one voice that stands tall when that final bell tolls
- Lillian Garcia. And she'll announce him as being still champion.
-Matt Striker walked to the ring where a chalk board had been set up for him. He said even though he wasn't scheduled to be part of Backlash, there another miracle happening before their eyes. He said there is actually an intelligent person in the audience. He said Kentucky is known for fried chicken and illegally recruited basketball players, but not education. He said he has some good news for "y'all." He said he is going to be their teacher. Striker introduced one of Kentucky's own, Eugene. Eugene came out and was actually not booed. Striker ordered Eugene to write his name on the chalk board. He wrote: "Matt Striker Loves Poop." The crowd chanted, "You love poop! You love poop!" Eugene picked his nose. Striker caught him. Eugene played with it between his fingers, smelled it, and then was about to eat it. Striker stopped him. "Stop it!" he said. Eugene then shoved the booger in Striker's mouth, then gave him a Stunner. Ross said, "Not even barbecue sauce can get that taste out of his mouth." Eugene fled the scene, celebrating his way to the back. Boy, how will Triple H, Cena, and Edge follow that.
-They showed Ross and Lawler at ringside. Ross seemed genuinely queasy from the booger skit. His eyes were watering.
-A recap aired of the Hunter-Edge-Cena feud.
JOHN CENA vs. TRIPLE H vs. EDGE (w/Lita) -- WWE
Heavyweight Title Match
Cena got a mixed crowd response as usual. Hunter got a huge pop. Edge got the usual boos. Cena and Hunter opened the match. Hunter took Cena down with a flying knee. Edge seemed be the most noticeably smaller of everyone on the show. When Edge yapped too much at ringside, Hunter and Cena decided to work together for a minute to beat up Edge. Hunter rammed Edge into the announcers' table. Cena tried to one up him with a harder head-ram. Hunter and Cena took turns bashing Edge's head into the table. Back in the ring, Hunter hit Cena from behind. Edge and Hunter then battled. Cena yanked Hunter to the floor, then leaped off the top rope with a splash on Edge in center-ring. He got met with a mix of cheers and boos as he signaled for the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Lita yanked the top rope down, so Cena fell over the top rope to the floor at 6:00. Hunter gave Edge a facebuster and a clothesline leading to a two count. Hunter took Edge down with a spinebuster and set up a suplex. Edge escaped the suplex attempt and then took Hunter down and scored a two count. Hunter reversed Edge into the ropes, then applied a sleeper. Edge escaped and applied his own sleeper. Cena entered the ring and lifted for an FU. Edge slipped off of Hunter's back and speared Cena as Cena had Hunter lifted for the FU at 9:00. Nice sequence. Hunter began bleeding from the forehead heavily. Edge gave Hunter a DDT on the Spanish announcers' table. Blood was smeared all over Hunter's body and the table. Back in the ring, Edge hit Cena with a flying dropkick off the top rope for a near fall. Edge applied the STFU at 12:00. Edge reached for the bottom rope. Hunter pushed Edge's hand away from the rope, then hit Cena in the head with a microphone. A very blood Hunter slipped and fell on the mat. He was selling the blood loss. Hunter hit Edge with a chairshot, knocking him into the front row. Back in the ring, Cena took Hunter down with a drop toe hold. Then he applied an STFU. Hunter's arm dropped two times, but not a third. Hunter then began to fight out of it, despite his head being completely drenched in blood. Hunter reached the bottom rope. Cena released. Since it's a no DQ match, why did Cena release? Cena, though, countered a Pedigree attempt and reapplied the STFU. Edge crawled back to the ring and mounted the top rope. Cena released Hunter and punched Edge. The ref got knocked down. Cena set up Edge for an FU off the top rope. Hunter got under Cena and lifted him and dropped both men to the mat with a super electric chair. Lita brought a chair into the ring. Hunter caught her and gave her a spinebuster, just missing the chair. Hunter raised a chair in the air, then set it down. He instead went to ringside and grabbed a sledgehammer instead. Edge speared Hunter before he could use the sledgehammer. Edge then grabbed the sledgehammer. Cena lifted Edge for an FU. Hunter gave Cena a low blow. Hunter set up a Pedigree. Cena flipped over and bridged into a pin on Hunter. Afterward, Hunter hit everyone with his sledgehammer, then did several crotch chops. The show ended with Hunter doing a chop crotch on the stage as his music played, while Cena and Edge were lying KO'd in the ring.
Theme Song: Baby Hates Me by Danko Jones